Doctor Who "World Enough and Time"

learned:

* so will we get a meaty Simm role throughout the episode or some teasingly short scenes at the cliffhanger end there?.............................turns out it was both.

* more poetic titles please

* cold open. it'll have to tide over your SNL withdrawals till August.

* that's not the Regeneration scene from the Christmas special, that's just Peter Capaldi's video Christmas message to his one friend.

* Capaldi: i'm on break. send Missy or the next guy, i don't care. i said peanut-butter crisps!

* flashback.
the Doctor: you do chips, right? what's your secret?
Bill: peanut butter. y'know, forget recipes and cookbooks, if you mix ketchup and mustard together, that solves most problems.
the Doctor: the Master's my oldest friend.
Bill: Missy really really really scares me. she's quirky. but always-never-quite-right quirky.
the Doctor: i wanted to explore the stars. he wanted to burn them.
Bill: just promise me i won't die. or get enslaved in a robot body.
the Doctor: i can't. one day your Sun will explode and take your entire Earth with it.

* the Doctor: black holes don't really exist. they only exist in your mind. there's a black hole in everyone's mind...

* blue guy: i'm a blue guy. another blue guy, not the same blue guy from the other episode. not all blue guys are the same, stop being racist.

* Jorj: i'm Jorj.
Nardole: i get it. not George, the proper English spelling. you're rebelling against the Empire.
Jorj shoots Bill.
Jorj: there. you can't accuse me of being racist now.

* the Doctor: like i said, a black hole in everyone's midsection.
Bill: promise i won't get killed.
the Doctor: wait for me. i promise to rescue you. when you become a robot.

* humanoid figures wearing masks and hospital gowns take Bill away.
the Doctor: where are you taking her?
figures: Trumpcare. she is to die. everyone will die.

* the Doctor: time dilation. the ship moves much faster in the ship's bowels.
Missy: my pupils have never been dilated, they're too pretty for that. i emptied my bowels in the ship's bowels.
the Doctor: a-ha! you're really Simm, aren't you? that proves it, no woman would admit that.

* the Doctor: i'm not one for violence but i need to get through you, Jorj. can you spontaneously combust or something?

* Bill: this is so cool! like that Mars Volta cover.
Razor: Razor...
Bill: Reznor?!!

* Bill: i am so sorry, mate, but i have to lower the volume, your outbursts of pain are considered noise pollution.
Razor: ironically, the public have stated they've needed to up the volume cos no one can understand a damn thing on this show.

* Razor: we fitted you with a mechanical device for your replacement heart. you had no heart before.
Bill: cheers. i mean cheeky. what does it do?
Razor: vending machine. dispenses peanut-butter crisps.

* Razor: i'm the Master. sorry, but this goofy makeup is really uncomfortable.

* Razor: Operation Exodus. blame the Paris Accords for the pollution. prepare to be upgraded. you must get stronger. want some beans?
Bill: it's not Paris's fault. you people down here eat too many beans. the stinkcloud is ferocious.

* Bill: speaking of the environment, have you heard about that imminent iceberg?
Razor: Iceberg is what we call our fat ratched Nurse-Ratched-wannabe nurse.

* Razor: i love you.
Bill: i don't believe you.
Simm: it's been awhile since i've had a steady job. still getting back in the flow.

* Bill: WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! HELP ME!!!
Razor: i'm sorry i had to trick you, but this is for your own good.
Bill: THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID WHEN THEY TOOK ME TO STRAIGHT CAMP!!!

* doctor: yes my last name is Mengele. but it's a very common last name.

* Missy: Mondas, a twin planet to Earth.
the Doctor: oh thank God. Kepler was a bust. is it habitable? i don't want to live on this planet anymore.

* the Master: give us a kiss.
Missy: you know what they say, you have to love yourself first.
the Master: i would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids.
Missy: i don't know what that is. i'm the more adult version of you.

* Nardole: what's the difference between the Mondasian version of the Cyberman?
the Doctor: they're old. and they have these lights above their helmets. i think they're miners or something, i forget, it's been ages.

* Mondasian Cyberman: i'm Bill.
the Doctor: prove it. Bill is a very common name for a girl.

* Bill: you can't see it cos i'm a robot now but i shed a tear.
the Doctor: is it water or oil?

* Michelle Gomez: um, hello? i thought i would be doing the dance scene this episode. i fit my precious feet and tender tootsies into the pair of ballet shoes i had as a little girl. i'm suffering for my art here. this is very uncomfortable.