notes:
* don't wanna!
* as i look at the changing-color star and all the heroes and villains in the intro with the triumphant trumpets, i can oly imagine the characters who were never used, the ones who could have been fleshed out more, and maybe a little less of that fire guy
* Booster Gold: Code 10, Batman, CODE 10!!!
Batman: Code Brown?
* Booster: *muttering under his breath* fucking Comic Con crowds, think they know it all, think they know everything about every continuity detail, think they can demand what the author writes, at least get naked. guys, too.
* Booster: strange, right? Batman's too busy for books, he's still crying over that letter. the radical thing about this gold book here is that it's a real gold brick you can melt down if you don't want to read it. you'll shit brix!
attractive woman: i thought you were Animal Man.
Booster: those British authors think they're so superior. i don't need no monkey. meet me after the show, miss. why are all the male Batman fans always fat schlubs in masks that don't fit their fat heads? and why do all of you look like the Scooby Gang?
* Booster: whoa. is your ass spongy like that cake?
Red Velvet: not Red Lantern. you were a terrible husband.
Booster: i was close with the Red.
geek: Elseworlds?
Red Velvet: they only did that Elseworlds imprint for the porn potential. down with the patriarchy!
* Booster Gold: don't take this the wrong way, it's coming from an attention whore, but you're looking for attention.
* Batman: sorry i'm late. oh...............there's a better library in my Batcave anyway.
* Wonder Woman: why haven't we ever heard of this Red Velvet before?
lowly writer: cos i just invented her. that's my singular accomplishment to all of pop culture, this is a completely original character not seen before in any DC media. wouldn't have happened were it not for this show. you're welcome.
* Green Arrow: Goldie, it is vital you divulge this information to the team. i'm asking this from you as a friend, do you pay for sex?
* Wonder Woman: philanthropist?
Booster: don't mock my religion. which is money.
Green Arrow: you'd think we'd get a better security system.
Krypto: get that SunSetter.
* Wonder Woman: it's Sunday. mail doesn't get delivered anymore thanks to the President. on any day.
Red Velvet: Lex Luthor?
Wonder Woman: sure if you want to be blind.
Booster: MJ? nobody's called me MJ since my music career. basketball career? anyway i prefer to be called Carter like that rapper.
Wonder Woman: i'm Carter.
* Booster: it's not Earth-shattering. it's just a volcano. okay, bad time i know but that computer voice is cute, is she seeing anyone?
* Wonder Woman: wait wait WAIT till i get in front of the plane!...
Green Arrow charges the boosters and incinerates Wonder Woman.
* Batman: this would be the time when the Tower would get destroyed swallowed up by the lava of the volcano and that's how the season would end on a cliffhanger...
* Wonder Woman: TAKE OFF MY ROBE!!! DIDN'T YOU SEE THE WW?!!
Booster: wonderful watchtower. i've never seen what i look like without my suit, i thought i had blond hair. you didn't read the books i sent you for Christmas!?
Wonder Woman: Christmas is stupid. start talking or i get my lariat.
Booster: *silence*
* Booster: there were still those awkwatd green trash bins in the year 2462. and then she strolled into my life. regular toilets were big in those days cos everyone was using the upside-down toilets. you couldn't miss her. you couldn't miss those tits! and she was carrying a signed copy of my book!
* Booster: i was a broke-ass who stole money from my mom. i robbed the very museum i worked at, there was no money cos it was a museum. the minister was a robot cos by then computers were the new god, not New God.
Red Velvet: much like the justice ministers of today.
* Booster: i'm not leaving you at the altar, this is a Jon Secada video!
Red Velvet: or Guns N Roses if i prefer.
* Wonder Woman: that's why you're a con artist.
Booster: no i'm that other kind of artist, the one who picks up chicks.
Green Arrow: are you proud of this little cartoon we made?
Booster: *sobbing inconsolably*
* Booster: you don't understand time-travel mechanics.
Wonder Woman: i understand the female mind.
* Green Arrow: dude, getting jilted at the altar is the worst pain a woman can ever suffer in life.
Wonder Woman: even more than my daughter.
Booster: what daughter?
Wonder Woman: exactly.
* Red Velvet: forget your suit! come out here naked. like you told those Con-goers. fair is fair.
Booster: your tits are like howitzer shells. they point true-north. can i be your pencil sharpener?
* *ding* Booster: my microwave cat casserole is done!
* Booster: pumpkin!
Red Velvet: where'd you go?
Booster: gonna have pumpkin pie instead of a wedding cake is that okay?
* Batman: i was Moriarty this whole time...
* Batman: i object to this wedding! i object to marriage as a general concept! hashtag swinglife
* Booster: come on, man. fellow man. don't we have rights, too?
* Booster: let's go down the list. property on Pluto the dog. we'd be the size of fleas. nuclear BBQ to prevent nuclear war. self-zipping pants are like chastity belts for superheroes.
* Red Velvet: he goes bald. and he's a lumberjack. a Monty Python lumberjack.
Booster: i'm allergic to rogaine.
Booster: oh yeah? well the superhero you was more shapely.
bride: you never told me you were into fat chicks.
* Booster: so the lesson is: true love doesn't exist. in fact it never existed.
Green Arrow: we should have built the Tower in space. myspace.
Batman: i checked. Red Velvet is gone. well she's not online she could still be alive.
Booster: who would ever voluntarily be off-the-grid? how could you be alive and not want to use a computer?
* Booster: you got Giganta's digits?
Batman: i think she's seeing someone.
Booster: get it? cos her hands are big. i'm into that sort of thing.
Lana from Archer: can i move in here? my show's on a sinking plane.
* i don't know how to feel. on the one hand it did get a nice full 52-episode run. on the other hand there are a BILLION other stories which could have been told. new characters. besides the cabbie. the wedding of Wonder Woman and Superman to solidify the fans' rage. Batman's Nobel Prize scuttled after accusations by Catwoman. and the GOTG crossover where Groot fucks Poison Ivy and finally says another phrase.
* i'll leave it at that. i won't ragequit. i love you all.
NOTES FROM MY NETHER / only the finest programs of television / your host this evening is early and wears no robe, 83optics on youtube but you know him better as THE LATE PHOENIX / come and mull over the monastery mulled wine, see what's on / N O T E S
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Friday, May 4, 2018
Justice League Action "Unleashed"
learned:
* Supergirl again! she's been bringing the thunder lately.
* cute pet episode. but don't skip here, only one left.
* Supergirl: i love these group outings! they're like what church picnics would be for us if the Justice League didn't worship themselves.
* Booster Gold: is it my turn or...?
Plastic Man: it's my turn.
Booster: thanks, buddy, i owe you one.
* Plastic Man: YIPPPPEEEE! i have the whole Tower to myself?!! i can masturbate in peace! when i masturbate the cum turns plastic and ricochets back into my eyes. i'm the only man who has ever given himself a facial. can Supergirl stay and watch just for verification?
* Batman: the computer outranks you. the dog outranks you. your own mother outranks you.
Plastic Man: i'm a ball on another show on this network. like i'm literally just a ball that talks.
* Superman: is that a Halloween mask of you or you as a Halloween mask? of you?
* Plastic Man: showoff. if you were gonna laser your poo all along, why did i need to being this baggie?
Krypto the Superdog: for the pot, man. happy 420!
Plastic Man: you smoke pot?
Krypto: yeah, man, that's why they cancelled my PBS show.
Plastic Man: am i stoned right now or are you talking?
Krypto: naw, man, i can talk, you're not crazy. you're crazy cos you think you can stretch into weird shapes.
* Krypto: there's a cat out there stranded at sea.
Plastic Man: forget it.
* Plastic Man: i don't know how i'm doing this! i can turn my hands into blowdryers but i can't blowdry my own hair, as you can see from my inimitable coif. it's like the can't-give-yourself-a-facial thing.
* cat: couldn't get the GrumpyCat rights. i'm blue but i'm not sad.
Plastic Man: i'm jealous, you're a bigger ball than me.
* cat: you're not my uncle. i serve only Lord Dio. and Donald Duck.
Plastic Man: here, you can have the elevator all to yourself, i can't ride the elevator cos i'm Jewish.
* soldier: my most loyal lieutenant, good kitty. WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME!!?
Dex-Starr: red light, us cats can't resist them. shoulda gone with the blue light to curry my favor.
solider: do not use your power ring.
Dex-Starr: then don't put it on a string!
* all the animators have cats, huh. you can tell from these episodes.
* Plastic Man: i got Streaky's old litterbox. i'm gonna pretend Streaky goes missing and then magically swoop in to save the day and return Streaky to Supergirl thus ensuring she'll stay and watch.
* Plastic Man: in this episode i'm stupid and cruel to animals. i hope they burn the tapes before Batman sees.
* Plastic Man: this book is useless. i'm looking for a recipe.
* Dex-Starr: you know overeating is the number-one cause of death amongst us villains, not anything you do-gooders do to us. we're eating our feelings. major pressure on the women in our group to stay slim, they gotta be at least hot if they're gonna be evil.
Plastic Man: i can't keep anything down, all the food turns to plastic...
* Dex-Starr: get that fish out my face, who do you think i am? Heathcliff? you humans think meatloaf is disgusting so why would you think cats would enjoy it? cats don't eat cake where did you conceive of such a notion?
* Dex-Starr: why you scatting?
Plastic: cos you catting. wanna smoke a bowl? this bowl i turned into?
* Plastic Man: now remember. soap operas are the hardest things for television writers to write. they become stale quickly. and they're never cancelled.
Dex-Starr: i gotta take like the biggest shit of all time right now.
* Plastic Man: i suppose i could make you a lasgana. but it'll take three hours homemade.
Dex-Starr: who do you think i am, Gar.....? i mean go right ahead.
* Plastic Man: real men watch Bravo.
* Dex-Starr: *holding up paw* you have the most beautiful face, Krypto.
Plastic Man: this flower is mixed-in to show i love you.
Plastic Man: you know i'm mad when i use abbreviations! don't worry, it's one of those SunSetter awnings you see on tv where the family just wants to be comfortable watching the Oakland Raiders.
* Plastic Man: now remember. using the sauna does not count as your shower.
* Plastic Man: i used fake candles that stay lit after you blow them. sorry.
* Plastic Man: when my jaw drops, my jaw literally drops.
Krypto: luckily my master got me this hello-i've-fallen-and-i-can't-get-up device for Christmas.
* Streaky: it's a sound only cats can hear but not dogs. it's a complicated sound.
* Dex-Starr: this giant spatula is for all that shit you made me eat!
* non-sexual catfight
* are my eyes deceiving me or did they just erase all the JusticeLeagueAction and replace it with Mighty Magiswords?
* Krypto: boxing is dead. and so are you.
* bad guys: so our entire army was felled by a cat.................let's go back to the breakroom and eat some more.
* Plastic Man: you ate my shit, i ate your shit. fair is fair.
* Supergirl: all's fair in love and war. you brought back my cat, i'm ready to kiss you on the lips now.
Plastic Man: my lips smell like sewage. can you kiss me on my butt?
* Superman: you saved the world.
Plastic Man: sigh. no. the cat and dog saved the world. i was useless. time for me to take off my sunglasses, cut my hair, and get a real job.
* Plastic Man: duty. with a t. i've enlisted in the volunteer army.
* Supergirl again! she's been bringing the thunder lately.
* cute pet episode. but don't skip here, only one left.
* Supergirl: i love these group outings! they're like what church picnics would be for us if the Justice League didn't worship themselves.
* Booster Gold: is it my turn or...?
Plastic Man: it's my turn.
Booster: thanks, buddy, i owe you one.
* Plastic Man: YIPPPPEEEE! i have the whole Tower to myself?!! i can masturbate in peace! when i masturbate the cum turns plastic and ricochets back into my eyes. i'm the only man who has ever given himself a facial. can Supergirl stay and watch just for verification?
* Batman: the computer outranks you. the dog outranks you. your own mother outranks you.
Plastic Man: i'm a ball on another show on this network. like i'm literally just a ball that talks.
* Superman: is that a Halloween mask of you or you as a Halloween mask? of you?
* Plastic Man: showoff. if you were gonna laser your poo all along, why did i need to being this baggie?
Krypto the Superdog: for the pot, man. happy 420!
Plastic Man: you smoke pot?
Krypto: yeah, man, that's why they cancelled my PBS show.
Plastic Man: am i stoned right now or are you talking?
Krypto: naw, man, i can talk, you're not crazy. you're crazy cos you think you can stretch into weird shapes.
* Krypto: there's a cat out there stranded at sea.
Plastic Man: forget it.
* Plastic Man: i don't know how i'm doing this! i can turn my hands into blowdryers but i can't blowdry my own hair, as you can see from my inimitable coif. it's like the can't-give-yourself-a-facial thing.
* cat: couldn't get the GrumpyCat rights. i'm blue but i'm not sad.
Plastic Man: i'm jealous, you're a bigger ball than me.
* cat: you're not my uncle. i serve only Lord Dio. and Donald Duck.
Plastic Man: here, you can have the elevator all to yourself, i can't ride the elevator cos i'm Jewish.
* soldier: my most loyal lieutenant, good kitty. WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME!!?
Dex-Starr: red light, us cats can't resist them. shoulda gone with the blue light to curry my favor.
solider: do not use your power ring.
Dex-Starr: then don't put it on a string!
* all the animators have cats, huh. you can tell from these episodes.
* Plastic Man: i got Streaky's old litterbox. i'm gonna pretend Streaky goes missing and then magically swoop in to save the day and return Streaky to Supergirl thus ensuring she'll stay and watch.
* Plastic Man: in this episode i'm stupid and cruel to animals. i hope they burn the tapes before Batman sees.
* Plastic Man: this book is useless. i'm looking for a recipe.
* Dex-Starr: you know overeating is the number-one cause of death amongst us villains, not anything you do-gooders do to us. we're eating our feelings. major pressure on the women in our group to stay slim, they gotta be at least hot if they're gonna be evil.
Plastic Man: i can't keep anything down, all the food turns to plastic...
* Dex-Starr: get that fish out my face, who do you think i am? Heathcliff? you humans think meatloaf is disgusting so why would you think cats would enjoy it? cats don't eat cake where did you conceive of such a notion?
* Dex-Starr: why you scatting?
Plastic: cos you catting. wanna smoke a bowl? this bowl i turned into?
* Plastic Man: now remember. soap operas are the hardest things for television writers to write. they become stale quickly. and they're never cancelled.
Dex-Starr: i gotta take like the biggest shit of all time right now.
* Plastic Man: i suppose i could make you a lasgana. but it'll take three hours homemade.
Dex-Starr: who do you think i am, Gar.....? i mean go right ahead.
* Plastic Man: real men watch Bravo.
* Dex-Starr: *holding up paw* you have the most beautiful face, Krypto.
Plastic Man: this flower is mixed-in to show i love you.
Plastic Man: you know i'm mad when i use abbreviations! don't worry, it's one of those SunSetter awnings you see on tv where the family just wants to be comfortable watching the Oakland Raiders.
* Plastic Man: now remember. using the sauna does not count as your shower.
* Plastic Man: i used fake candles that stay lit after you blow them. sorry.
* Plastic Man: when my jaw drops, my jaw literally drops.
Krypto: luckily my master got me this hello-i've-fallen-and-i-can't-get-up device for Christmas.
* Streaky: it's a sound only cats can hear but not dogs. it's a complicated sound.
* Dex-Starr: this giant spatula is for all that shit you made me eat!
* non-sexual catfight
* are my eyes deceiving me or did they just erase all the JusticeLeagueAction and replace it with Mighty Magiswords?
* Krypto: boxing is dead. and so are you.
* bad guys: so our entire army was felled by a cat.................let's go back to the breakroom and eat some more.
* Plastic Man: you ate my shit, i ate your shit. fair is fair.
* Supergirl: all's fair in love and war. you brought back my cat, i'm ready to kiss you on the lips now.
Plastic Man: my lips smell like sewage. can you kiss me on my butt?
* Superman: you saved the world.
Plastic Man: sigh. no. the cat and dog saved the world. i was useless. time for me to take off my sunglasses, cut my hair, and get a real job.
* Plastic Man: duty. with a t. i've enlisted in the volunteer army.
Justice League Action "Keeping Up with the Kryptonians"
learned:
* hey!
* yes!
* okay, finally we reach the new stuff. ain't gonna lie, this was the one that intrigued me from the remaining when i peeped the list. you get a fuzzy feeling inside, you know this is gonna be comedy. and reality. i will get through this without mentioning Seacrest (damn) and mentioning Jenner (yeah)
* sepia-tone makes the war more digestible
* happy 50th, Supes! you were originally designed to be an Earth-destroying villain! like Goku in reverse. Goku Black. Kasnia once held the Winter Olympics...
* Bryan: my name is Bryan Oceanmist. i used to be an Olympic hero but now I don't give a fuck what you think of me. i can take it.
i admire her. i really honestly do.
* you know i was thinking Supergirl had been on here before but i think i was confusing her with that other bubbly blonde in the stars n stripes suit. i didn't recognize the voice actress, or maybe just forgot. Joanne Spracklen, aye? she looks the part. MMA fighter, too! sprechen sie Deutsch, it's still weird to me that Deutsch is german for german instead of german for dutch.
* Miley started the whole show-your-tongue thing. i suppose it could have been worse and another bodypart. in a couple millions of little girls will watch the Royal Wedding and aspire to be someone other than a selfie queen: a real Queen!
* i can't even..................finish this review...............but i must power through..........like Supergirl's blues
* i've been so busy these years i had no idea i was missing all this time the only revival which matters: That's So Raven.
* Kara: i've never had a Valley Girl accent till now, but whatevs. skin-care line? the animators always make my skin flawless, i'm lucky.
* girl: Supergirl, help me! i know i look like a stalker with this drab overcoat but...
* full disclosure: i actually did think the short agent was really a new character who really was an agent and who just happened to be voiced by Mr. M. silly me.
* agent: real Holywood agents actually say "doll". i think. 20% of nothing is still 20%.
* Superman Black: i plant flag and is country mine. i put my dirty underwear on pole this morning after i came...
* Morty: when she takes off her hoop earrings, you know she's serious.
Kara: stop thinking about blowjobs.
* Superman Black: i hang up banner cos i recently see John Hurt's performance in 1984. he was so Hurt and so hurt he make me cry.
Kara crashes her stomping high-inch heels in.
Superman Black: i want to fuck you. fuck you up i mean.
* Booster Gold: i stole this apple from that villain from Legend of the Seeker. that guy's a hunk i mean he's competition.
* Kara: are you tired yet?
Superman Black: yes. the K on my chest is for Vitamin K which doesn't exist.
Kara: you have a nice banana. what we did was either fighting or really rough sex.
* Booster: thanks, little buddy, you prevented me from littering.
agent Morty Mr. M: i'm short so i have a bad attitude! caves aren't supposed to stink!
Booster: mine did. Daryl Hannah was in it. she was preparing her famous fish. that was some damn good fish.
Mr. M: by the fire?
Booster shakes his head.
* Booster: i switched to eating caterpillars. i killed the time paradox before it had a chance to spread its wings.
Mr. M: of course not! what idiot would buy a purple car!
* in Fresno, the turf wars were decided by turkeys. the semi-pros ruled the lanes...
* Superman Black: strong lady is cousin? so it's still legal in Kansas?
Booster: Kasnia, buddy, Kasnia.
* Superman: i just had a devastating thought. my wind-blowing power from my mouth caused all these tornadoes.
* Superman: that silver silo looks like my dick. ignore it.
Supergirl: is that blueberry pie i smell?
Superman: Ma Kent's blueberry pie.
Supergirl: i thought Ma Kent was dead. quick pit stop to Henderson's dairy...........oh wait i think i killed Henderson accidentally, collateral damage on one of my jaunts.
* Supergirl: i can burp louder than you. that's sad. i'm not on a show so i can eat like a normal human. you ever wonder how different our lives would have been if we hadn't grown up in Smallville?
Superman: you wouldn't have joined a cult.
* Superman: Ma didn't allow tv in the house, that's why Pa divorced her.
* strange transition to Twilight Zone, cos Twilight Zone will always be in demand (and on demand). thanks, Jordan Peele.
* Mr. M: i could have done all this with a snap of my fingers but it's more fun to do the voice, i rarely get to voice with my butterscotch voice. i submitted for your approval and you haven't gotten back to me.
* Mr. M: original design for Kara, looked like Harley Quinn. i was raised by a backbone of DNA, that explains a lot.
* Mr. M: Rod Serling is alive, trust me, i know where he is. i tried to make the Earth flat but the Earth just wasn't having it. peacetime Kasnia is actually quite nice. the swimming pools in Hollywood are quite shallow cos there's no elevation.
* Superman Black: cheap trick. favorite band. golden oat bread. favorite bread. also favorite band.
* Kara: we're superheroes, science fiction is ridiculous.
Booster: agreed. but a show's a show. i'm a selfie king, i don't know how to memorize lines.
* Superman Black: simple clown died noble death. this is his golden bra.
* Mr. M: okay listen. i need help. i think i need to start just not talking anymore. if i can stop talking i can really think about the name thing.
* Supergirl: *hug* i love you.
Superman: in the Kansas way?
* Superman: did you eat all our blueberry pie?
Booster: that wasn't blueberries, THAT WAS MR. M!
* Supergirl: did you hear about that new SyFy show about our home planet?
Superman: SyFy, so stupid.
* hey!
* yes!
* okay, finally we reach the new stuff. ain't gonna lie, this was the one that intrigued me from the remaining when i peeped the list. you get a fuzzy feeling inside, you know this is gonna be comedy. and reality. i will get through this without mentioning Seacrest (damn) and mentioning Jenner (yeah)
* sepia-tone makes the war more digestible
* happy 50th, Supes! you were originally designed to be an Earth-destroying villain! like Goku in reverse. Goku Black. Kasnia once held the Winter Olympics...
* Bryan: my name is Bryan Oceanmist. i used to be an Olympic hero but now I don't give a fuck what you think of me. i can take it.
i admire her. i really honestly do.
* you know i was thinking Supergirl had been on here before but i think i was confusing her with that other bubbly blonde in the stars n stripes suit. i didn't recognize the voice actress, or maybe just forgot. Joanne Spracklen, aye? she looks the part. MMA fighter, too! sprechen sie Deutsch, it's still weird to me that Deutsch is german for german instead of german for dutch.
* Miley started the whole show-your-tongue thing. i suppose it could have been worse and another bodypart. in a couple millions of little girls will watch the Royal Wedding and aspire to be someone other than a selfie queen: a real Queen!
* i can't even..................finish this review...............but i must power through..........like Supergirl's blues
* i've been so busy these years i had no idea i was missing all this time the only revival which matters: That's So Raven.
* Kara: i've never had a Valley Girl accent till now, but whatevs. skin-care line? the animators always make my skin flawless, i'm lucky.
* girl: Supergirl, help me! i know i look like a stalker with this drab overcoat but...
* full disclosure: i actually did think the short agent was really a new character who really was an agent and who just happened to be voiced by Mr. M. silly me.
* agent: real Holywood agents actually say "doll". i think. 20% of nothing is still 20%.
* Superman Black: i plant flag and is country mine. i put my dirty underwear on pole this morning after i came...
* Morty: when she takes off her hoop earrings, you know she's serious.
Kara: stop thinking about blowjobs.
* Superman Black: i hang up banner cos i recently see John Hurt's performance in 1984. he was so Hurt and so hurt he make me cry.
Kara crashes her stomping high-inch heels in.
Superman Black: i want to fuck you. fuck you up i mean.
* Booster Gold: i stole this apple from that villain from Legend of the Seeker. that guy's a hunk i mean he's competition.
* Kara: are you tired yet?
Superman Black: yes. the K on my chest is for Vitamin K which doesn't exist.
Kara: you have a nice banana. what we did was either fighting or really rough sex.
* Booster: thanks, little buddy, you prevented me from littering.
agent Morty Mr. M: i'm short so i have a bad attitude! caves aren't supposed to stink!
Booster: mine did. Daryl Hannah was in it. she was preparing her famous fish. that was some damn good fish.
Mr. M: by the fire?
Booster shakes his head.
* Booster: i switched to eating caterpillars. i killed the time paradox before it had a chance to spread its wings.
Mr. M: of course not! what idiot would buy a purple car!
* in Fresno, the turf wars were decided by turkeys. the semi-pros ruled the lanes...
* Superman Black: strong lady is cousin? so it's still legal in Kansas?
Booster: Kasnia, buddy, Kasnia.
* Superman: i just had a devastating thought. my wind-blowing power from my mouth caused all these tornadoes.
* Superman: that silver silo looks like my dick. ignore it.
Supergirl: is that blueberry pie i smell?
Superman: Ma Kent's blueberry pie.
Supergirl: i thought Ma Kent was dead. quick pit stop to Henderson's dairy...........oh wait i think i killed Henderson accidentally, collateral damage on one of my jaunts.
* Supergirl: i can burp louder than you. that's sad. i'm not on a show so i can eat like a normal human. you ever wonder how different our lives would have been if we hadn't grown up in Smallville?
Superman: you wouldn't have joined a cult.
* Superman: Ma didn't allow tv in the house, that's why Pa divorced her.
* strange transition to Twilight Zone, cos Twilight Zone will always be in demand (and on demand). thanks, Jordan Peele.
* Mr. M: i could have done all this with a snap of my fingers but it's more fun to do the voice, i rarely get to voice with my butterscotch voice. i submitted for your approval and you haven't gotten back to me.
* Mr. M: original design for Kara, looked like Harley Quinn. i was raised by a backbone of DNA, that explains a lot.
* Mr. M: Rod Serling is alive, trust me, i know where he is. i tried to make the Earth flat but the Earth just wasn't having it. peacetime Kasnia is actually quite nice. the swimming pools in Hollywood are quite shallow cos there's no elevation.
* Superman Black: cheap trick. favorite band. golden oat bread. favorite bread. also favorite band.
* Kara: we're superheroes, science fiction is ridiculous.
Booster: agreed. but a show's a show. i'm a selfie king, i don't know how to memorize lines.
* Superman Black: simple clown died noble death. this is his golden bra.
* Mr. M: okay listen. i need help. i think i need to start just not talking anymore. if i can stop talking i can really think about the name thing.
* Supergirl: *hug* i love you.
Superman: in the Kansas way?
* Superman: did you eat all our blueberry pie?
Booster: that wasn't blueberries, THAT WAS MR. M!
* Supergirl: did you hear about that new SyFy show about our home planet?
Superman: SyFy, so stupid.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Justice League Action "Captain Bamboozle"
learned:
* i need to watch that '70s Shazam live-action show. everyone needs to binge at least one live-action superhero show from the '70s, trust me, it'll make you feel fuzzy inside.
* that brown-haired animator running past was hot
* Mr. M: just call me Mr. M. even my mother can't get the name right.
* dude in purple robes: see i REALLY wanted to work at Medieval Times. then i REALLY wanted to work at Round Table Pizza...
* purple man: spear up some dolphin...
Flying Knight: CRASH
purple man: WAIT. dolphin-safe tuna. and some hot sauce.
Flying Knight: alls i got is queso. and that Britney Spears pussy pic. those are the images which hit up from the search. i'm a computer.
* Mr. M: look at pops over there!
Dudley: dude shut up. is this how you treat your legends? i'm Addams. you're a whiny jew.
* Shazam: rusty can opener...
purple man: i don't have sex so i don't know sex euphemisms. oh yeah, Felix. Felix is such a nonthreatening name. it's a cat name.
* Dudley: get 'em tiger. boy ate his Frosted Flakes this morning.
* Felix Faust: with my magic i will turn this hoverboard into a real hoverboard!
* Dudley: pretty girl tells me to abandon son so i abandon son. i'm Dudely H. Dudley. Dudley can be a male and female name.
* Dudley: i obviously stole this RV from Ben 10's old man. that was a tough armwrestling match at the city park public restroom.
Shazam: CLEAN THE FUCKING DISHES, GRANDPA
Dudley: *covering hairy ears* stop yelling at me!
Shazam: sorry. i stopped chewing my vitamins that i use to get big and strong.
Dudley: those aren't vitamins.
* Dudley: i'll be fine. i'm a tough old coot. i was the first one to volunteer for the XFL. i'm not your uncle, i'm your biological father. i fucked your mom.
Shazam: WHAT STUPID FUCKING COOKIES ARE THESE/ the ones with the large gooey centers of strawberry jam which stick to my fingers? i hate those!
Dudley *covering his hairy ears* no, they're chocolate chip, the chocolate chips are just huge!
Shazam: sorry.
* Shazam: i'll see you down at the diner. down on the street. i'm a kid but i'll pay for the both of us.
* Dudley: glowing toilet. my spleen. normal Thursday.
* Dudley: you can't say holy guacamole anymore.
Wizard: in the 80s it wasn't called stalking.
Dudley: also, Merlin was probably a black Moor.
* Dudley: you mean "shazam"?
Wizard: that's a pussy word. your word shall be "Mustache Ride". we've already been cancelled.
* Dudley: have you noticed tortilla chips don't taste good unless they're triangular?
* bird: that's unnatural, dude.
Dudley: thanks. hey girl, your cat has pink eyes, you should check that out.
girl: thanks. my father's a cop.
Dudley: cops are obsolete.
* Dudley: it's not perverted if a superhero does it.
naked babe poolside: justice?
Dudley: it's not against the law if a superhero does it. btw, money is obsolete.
* Dudley: don't leave me hanging, kid. high-five............okay low-five...
* Dudley: that's the problem with you new-school animators. reliant too much on your precious tablets.
Batman: i can't draw good
* Dudley: told ya about the cat.
Wonder Woman: she's a prettier pussy than mine.
* Mr. M: ...than when i gave Superman chickenhead...
* driver: i look like Patrick from that Anatomy show. i'm gonna die a fan-disapproved death.
* Shazam: i've always wanted to get eaten by a pussy.
* driver: in all fairness, that garbage truck does look like a giant kitty litter.
* Batman: i blinded myself when i looked at my red Batsignal light too long. that's why i wear this cowl. i just wanted to see.
Wonder Woman: the light also works on penguins.
* Mr. M: so here's the thing. i know my enemies are always gonna try to trick me into saying the name. i should be on guard for that. instead i suffer from lack of impulse control or something. i'm always exasperated when i speak and can't think clearly, i'm distracted and lose focus and my mind is racing all the time.
Shazam: here, take my pills, i don't need them.
* Dudley: Mustache Ride!
Wonder Woman: that worked. let's go back to my place. the girls won't mind.
Dudley: *winks at the camera* still got it.
Wonder Woman: but you don't have a mustache. goodbye.
* i need to watch that '70s Shazam live-action show. everyone needs to binge at least one live-action superhero show from the '70s, trust me, it'll make you feel fuzzy inside.
* that brown-haired animator running past was hot
* Mr. M: just call me Mr. M. even my mother can't get the name right.
* dude in purple robes: see i REALLY wanted to work at Medieval Times. then i REALLY wanted to work at Round Table Pizza...
* purple man: spear up some dolphin...
Flying Knight: CRASH
purple man: WAIT. dolphin-safe tuna. and some hot sauce.
Flying Knight: alls i got is queso. and that Britney Spears pussy pic. those are the images which hit up from the search. i'm a computer.
* Mr. M: look at pops over there!
Dudley: dude shut up. is this how you treat your legends? i'm Addams. you're a whiny jew.
* Shazam: rusty can opener...
purple man: i don't have sex so i don't know sex euphemisms. oh yeah, Felix. Felix is such a nonthreatening name. it's a cat name.
* Dudley: get 'em tiger. boy ate his Frosted Flakes this morning.
* Felix Faust: with my magic i will turn this hoverboard into a real hoverboard!
* Dudley: pretty girl tells me to abandon son so i abandon son. i'm Dudely H. Dudley. Dudley can be a male and female name.
* Dudley: i obviously stole this RV from Ben 10's old man. that was a tough armwrestling match at the city park public restroom.
Shazam: CLEAN THE FUCKING DISHES, GRANDPA
Dudley: *covering hairy ears* stop yelling at me!
Shazam: sorry. i stopped chewing my vitamins that i use to get big and strong.
Dudley: those aren't vitamins.
* Dudley: i'll be fine. i'm a tough old coot. i was the first one to volunteer for the XFL. i'm not your uncle, i'm your biological father. i fucked your mom.
Shazam: WHAT STUPID FUCKING COOKIES ARE THESE/ the ones with the large gooey centers of strawberry jam which stick to my fingers? i hate those!
Dudley *covering his hairy ears* no, they're chocolate chip, the chocolate chips are just huge!
Shazam: sorry.
* Shazam: i'll see you down at the diner. down on the street. i'm a kid but i'll pay for the both of us.
* Dudley: glowing toilet. my spleen. normal Thursday.
* Dudley: you can't say holy guacamole anymore.
Wizard: in the 80s it wasn't called stalking.
Dudley: also, Merlin was probably a black Moor.
* Dudley: you mean "shazam"?
Wizard: that's a pussy word. your word shall be "Mustache Ride". we've already been cancelled.
* Dudley: have you noticed tortilla chips don't taste good unless they're triangular?
* bird: that's unnatural, dude.
Dudley: thanks. hey girl, your cat has pink eyes, you should check that out.
girl: thanks. my father's a cop.
Dudley: cops are obsolete.
* Dudley: it's not perverted if a superhero does it.
naked babe poolside: justice?
Dudley: it's not against the law if a superhero does it. btw, money is obsolete.
* Dudley: don't leave me hanging, kid. high-five............okay low-five...
* Dudley: that's the problem with you new-school animators. reliant too much on your precious tablets.
Batman: i can't draw good
* Dudley: told ya about the cat.
Wonder Woman: she's a prettier pussy than mine.
* Mr. M: ...than when i gave Superman chickenhead...
* driver: i look like Patrick from that Anatomy show. i'm gonna die a fan-disapproved death.
* Shazam: i've always wanted to get eaten by a pussy.
* driver: in all fairness, that garbage truck does look like a giant kitty litter.
* Batman: i blinded myself when i looked at my red Batsignal light too long. that's why i wear this cowl. i just wanted to see.
Wonder Woman: the light also works on penguins.
* Mr. M: so here's the thing. i know my enemies are always gonna try to trick me into saying the name. i should be on guard for that. instead i suffer from lack of impulse control or something. i'm always exasperated when i speak and can't think clearly, i'm distracted and lose focus and my mind is racing all the time.
Shazam: here, take my pills, i don't need them.
* Dudley: Mustache Ride!
Wonder Woman: that worked. let's go back to my place. the girls won't mind.
Dudley: *winks at the camera* still got it.
Wonder Woman: but you don't have a mustache. goodbye.
Justice League Action "Barehanded"
learned:
* HEY!
* remember me?
* decided to unload my workload like i do my other load this week before the JusticeLeagueBomb. i feel like a blushing proud parent that our little show got its own Bomb at the end.
* oh yeah, i remember. known as the bathroom episode......................affectionately
* Batman: Green Arrow, are you hung over again?
Green Arrow: no, sir, i just blacked out.
Batman: you turned into that Black Green Lantern who's evil?! i'm coming over to destroy you immediately.
Green Arrow: i can't act like a lightweight in front of Batman. more cerveza, less beer.
Batman: i drink my own piss.
* there are no such things as clean public restrooms. on Earth or in intergalactic space where nobody can hear you shit.
* that's the universal symbol of sentient overall being. no more divisions. no more male/female. everyone's on the spectrum, both sexually and autism. we've evolved.
* dragon: this thing sprouting out of me is my second head. and my second child. wanna see where my first child is?
* Green Lantern: huhhuh. forgot the ol' power ring. like i forgot my engagement ring and wedding ring and anniversary ring. i still date Black Canary, right?
* Green Lantern: kind of my idol Batman to lend me his belt.
* Green Lantern: okay, it dropped down the sink, every man's worst nightmare. having to extend your hairy arm down that drain filled with the most mucusy of slime. sorry for the visual at lunch.
* Hal: okay maybe not a Good Samaritan but a Bad Samaritan.
Doctor Who swoops in.
Hal: Spacehog, my favorite band.
taxi driver: it's been so long i forgot my name. your name is Hal? that's not very heroic. that thing flapping in the breeze in the back is its wing.
Hal: Batman would use loo. Alfred is British i think.
Doctor Who: like me. i think. i'm an alien.
Space Cabbie: all Justice Leaguers are alien, that's why i used the ears sign. this GPS works fast. and she sounds like Grey DeLisle so i fantasize with my load on it.
* Hal: give me back my son i mean ring!!! where'd you get your makeup? Crayzar?
Lobo: who? that show isn't that big yet is it?
Hal: i think it is. that X was obviously left by Zorro! you Canadian garbage!
Hal: sorry about the Canadian garbage. i mean i'm a Canadian voice actor, too, probably.
* Hal: i'm a test pilot. i'm the only pilot who has ever passed the written test. there was a lot of logic and stuff on it.
* Hal: wait, YOU HAVE NO GOLD TEETH!? color me surprised.
* Space Cabbie: never judge a book by its cover, my granny Goodness used to teach me that.
* Space Cabbie and Hal: NOW WE KNOW HOW NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON FEELS!!!!!!!!!!
* Alien Mama: how dare you! those power rings are like Cheerios to us!
* Space Cabbie: okay so according to my girlfriend this is some sort of Armenian alien. you must fight fire with fire. say it is the deadliest warrior in all the universe. i'm not being an insensitive racist here, i'm being an alienist if anything.
* Green Lantern: oh, this thing isn't over yet?
Space Cabbie: this hairball monster looks a lot like a friend i used to have, a talking meatball.
Green Lantern: huh. that's probably weirder than this.
Space Cabbie: yeah it's weird cos the meatball talked in this kind of mushmouthed jive patois.
* Green Lantern: it's okay, pal, i want to be your friend.
hairball monster: don't call me pal, pal, that's rude.
* Green Lantern: payment?
Space Cabbie: this first-ever selfie with a polaroid camera should suffice.
* GPS: i'm the wrong computer. that is, i'm the wrong computer for you. i'm really that computer ball who turns into a hot android babe for Green Lantern.
Space Cabbie: my very own SARA from Toonami. can we fuck? once should cover the fare. you said you have no memory of who you are so you're less likely to reject me offhand.
* HEY!
* remember me?
* decided to unload my workload like i do my other load this week before the JusticeLeagueBomb. i feel like a blushing proud parent that our little show got its own Bomb at the end.
* oh yeah, i remember. known as the bathroom episode......................affectionately
* Batman: Green Arrow, are you hung over again?
Green Arrow: no, sir, i just blacked out.
Batman: you turned into that Black Green Lantern who's evil?! i'm coming over to destroy you immediately.
Green Arrow: i can't act like a lightweight in front of Batman. more cerveza, less beer.
Batman: i drink my own piss.
* there are no such things as clean public restrooms. on Earth or in intergalactic space where nobody can hear you shit.
* that's the universal symbol of sentient overall being. no more divisions. no more male/female. everyone's on the spectrum, both sexually and autism. we've evolved.
* dragon: this thing sprouting out of me is my second head. and my second child. wanna see where my first child is?
* Green Lantern: huhhuh. forgot the ol' power ring. like i forgot my engagement ring and wedding ring and anniversary ring. i still date Black Canary, right?
* Green Lantern: kind of my idol Batman to lend me his belt.
* Green Lantern: okay, it dropped down the sink, every man's worst nightmare. having to extend your hairy arm down that drain filled with the most mucusy of slime. sorry for the visual at lunch.
* Hal: okay maybe not a Good Samaritan but a Bad Samaritan.
Doctor Who swoops in.
Hal: Spacehog, my favorite band.
taxi driver: it's been so long i forgot my name. your name is Hal? that's not very heroic. that thing flapping in the breeze in the back is its wing.
Hal: Batman would use loo. Alfred is British i think.
Doctor Who: like me. i think. i'm an alien.
Space Cabbie: all Justice Leaguers are alien, that's why i used the ears sign. this GPS works fast. and she sounds like Grey DeLisle so i fantasize with my load on it.
* Hal: give me back my son i mean ring!!! where'd you get your makeup? Crayzar?
Lobo: who? that show isn't that big yet is it?
Hal: i think it is. that X was obviously left by Zorro! you Canadian garbage!
Hal: sorry about the Canadian garbage. i mean i'm a Canadian voice actor, too, probably.
* Hal: i'm a test pilot. i'm the only pilot who has ever passed the written test. there was a lot of logic and stuff on it.
* Hal: wait, YOU HAVE NO GOLD TEETH!? color me surprised.
* Space Cabbie: never judge a book by its cover, my granny Goodness used to teach me that.
* Space Cabbie and Hal: NOW WE KNOW HOW NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON FEELS!!!!!!!!!!
* Alien Mama: how dare you! those power rings are like Cheerios to us!
* Space Cabbie: okay so according to my girlfriend this is some sort of Armenian alien. you must fight fire with fire. say it is the deadliest warrior in all the universe. i'm not being an insensitive racist here, i'm being an alienist if anything.
* Green Lantern: oh, this thing isn't over yet?
Space Cabbie: this hairball monster looks a lot like a friend i used to have, a talking meatball.
Green Lantern: huh. that's probably weirder than this.
Space Cabbie: yeah it's weird cos the meatball talked in this kind of mushmouthed jive patois.
* Green Lantern: it's okay, pal, i want to be your friend.
hairball monster: don't call me pal, pal, that's rude.
* Green Lantern: payment?
Space Cabbie: this first-ever selfie with a polaroid camera should suffice.
* GPS: i'm the wrong computer. that is, i'm the wrong computer for you. i'm really that computer ball who turns into a hot android babe for Green Lantern.
Space Cabbie: my very own SARA from Toonami. can we fuck? once should cover the fare. you said you have no memory of who you are so you're less likely to reject me offhand.
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