learned:
* NO NO NO NO MORE BREAK MORE BREAK
* Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, both porn names.
* cold open: okay, next i want to see the Ted Cruz get angry and turn into Ant Man.
* monologue song: oh shit, The Rock said shhhhhh, i couldn't hear it.
* i once talked to my Pep Boys guy about how history is written by the winners and he told me it gets better and admitted he didn't really need to change the oil, so overall i am in favor of the new Starbucks policy.
* WWE promo shoot: whoa, that escalated in a rather fast way into Oldboy territory.
* Bambi: what's not shown in the trailer is that the hunter who shot Bambi's mother turns out to be Dick Cheney (i know i know, i'll do Hillary next week...wink wink.)
* George Ezra: when you look like Justin Bieber but sound like Johnny Cash.
* The Jungle: MORE ROCK ASS MORE ROCK BARE BUNS MORE BUTT GENERALLY
* Dinner Date: that wasn't a British accent, that was drunk.
* Improv Show: Kate McKinnon is so good she got arrested...for stealing my heart.
* Circus: Dr. Steve Brule's son looks different...
NOTES FROM MY NETHER / only the finest programs of television / your host this evening is early and wears no robe, 83optics on youtube but you know him better as THE LATE PHOENIX / come and mull over the monastery mulled wine, see what's on / N O T E S
Monday, March 30, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Law & Order SVU "Parole Violations" Episode Discussion
learned:
* i see ya workin', Title.
* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MORE BREAK MORE BREAK MORE BREAK
* Tommy is Murphy's little brother, Bella is having the Beast's kid, it all makes sense.
* Liv: hey Carisi, you can't disappear the whole show to get pizza this time, it's your showcase episode.
* Rollins: you tryin' to make me fat?
Carisi: yes, those skinny models aren't healthy.
* unconvinced boss: let me guess, disgruntled lesbian?
Liv: no, a man.
unconvinced boss: and how does that work?
Carisi: let me show you.
* female parole officer: better call Saul.
Carisi: too soon.
* female parole officer: i wanted to feel wanted.
Rollins: dude, just pick up a copy of Fifty Shades like everyone else.
* female parole officer hits Liv on the shoulder hard.
female parole officer: we buddies, now, baby?
Liv: that's assault.
female parole officer: fine, arrest me. wanna use my handcuffs or yours? mine are fluffy and pink.
Liv: now hold on, i didn't say i didn't enjoy that.
* perp: she put a little vinegar in my urine.
Carisi: yeah well i'm full of piss and vinegar today, too.
perp: she altered my test in exchange for other services.
Carisi: like salad? you guys used the rest of the vinegar and had salad together?
* Carisi: don't talk like that, don't take advice from your sisters, one will only marry a man if he's homeless and the other one has only been married once.
* Liv: it's a natural thing even if it's forced. like cutting onions, it just happens.
Bella: what happens?
Liv: you cry even if you don't want to.
Bella: i cry around onions but that's because i hate onions.
* Barba: you don't use drugs? would you kindly roll up your sleeve and reveal your arm.
perp: okay, i admit it, i'm guilty, i didn't use bug spray that day. happy?
* female parole officer: you have the easy job, i have to rehabilitate the ones you lock up, none of them will ever change.
Liv: sounds like you're talking about yourself.
female parole officer: i think i'm in the wrong line of work.
Liv: i agree, i see you more working the salad bar.
* i see ya workin', Title.
* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MORE BREAK MORE BREAK MORE BREAK
* Tommy is Murphy's little brother, Bella is having the Beast's kid, it all makes sense.
* Liv: hey Carisi, you can't disappear the whole show to get pizza this time, it's your showcase episode.
* Rollins: you tryin' to make me fat?
Carisi: yes, those skinny models aren't healthy.
* unconvinced boss: let me guess, disgruntled lesbian?
Liv: no, a man.
unconvinced boss: and how does that work?
Carisi: let me show you.
* female parole officer: better call Saul.
Carisi: too soon.
* female parole officer: i wanted to feel wanted.
Rollins: dude, just pick up a copy of Fifty Shades like everyone else.
* female parole officer hits Liv on the shoulder hard.
female parole officer: we buddies, now, baby?
Liv: that's assault.
female parole officer: fine, arrest me. wanna use my handcuffs or yours? mine are fluffy and pink.
Liv: now hold on, i didn't say i didn't enjoy that.
* perp: she put a little vinegar in my urine.
Carisi: yeah well i'm full of piss and vinegar today, too.
perp: she altered my test in exchange for other services.
Carisi: like salad? you guys used the rest of the vinegar and had salad together?
* Carisi: don't talk like that, don't take advice from your sisters, one will only marry a man if he's homeless and the other one has only been married once.
* Liv: it's a natural thing even if it's forced. like cutting onions, it just happens.
Bella: what happens?
Liv: you cry even if you don't want to.
Bella: i cry around onions but that's because i hate onions.
* Barba: you don't use drugs? would you kindly roll up your sleeve and reveal your arm.
perp: okay, i admit it, i'm guilty, i didn't use bug spray that day. happy?
* female parole officer: you have the easy job, i have to rehabilitate the ones you lock up, none of them will ever change.
Liv: sounds like you're talking about yourself.
female parole officer: i think i'm in the wrong line of work.
Liv: i agree, i see you more working the salad bar.
Monday, March 9, 2015
SNL Chris Hemsworth / Zac Brown Band Episode Discussion
learned:
* or rather the Kate McKinnon Show! the way it should have been renamed all along.
* or rather the Michael Che Show! look at that dude taking over the show being in a skit and everything.
* SNL Y U steal my hour of sleep?
* there are black Australians...
* that was planned, huh, with the real American Express commercial immediately following the fake SNL one?
* oh yeah before i forget, New Playroom Fifty Shades cut-for-time skit: true to form, should have been included, was better than something else. you never ask yourself who builds the intricate sex dungeon with all the gadgets and shiny things, those contractors are the real heroes of the love story.
* yes, the mouth holds fluids, all humans do this, not just porn stars, nothing strange about that, we all need to drink.
* it was destiny, birthright, in the stars, foretold, fate that Kate McKinnon would become our first female impersonator of President Hillary Clinton.
* in the space future, being called a chicken was a compliment...
* Soundgarden: so supposedly Chris Cornell's new album is bad? i dunno, just a rumor, i haven't listened to it, wish i had the time, at any rate please just get the band back together and save humanity with that 90s magic again, we're all desperate out here. y'know that got me thinking about how a Kurt Cobain solo album would have sounded...
* movie-set acting coach: i was always taught in acting school that it doesn't matter how ridiculous it comes across, if the actors are truly true to their inner motivations, the scene will work.
* or rather the Kate McKinnon Show! the way it should have been renamed all along.
* or rather the Michael Che Show! look at that dude taking over the show being in a skit and everything.
* SNL Y U steal my hour of sleep?
* there are black Australians...
* that was planned, huh, with the real American Express commercial immediately following the fake SNL one?
* oh yeah before i forget, New Playroom Fifty Shades cut-for-time skit: true to form, should have been included, was better than something else. you never ask yourself who builds the intricate sex dungeon with all the gadgets and shiny things, those contractors are the real heroes of the love story.
* yes, the mouth holds fluids, all humans do this, not just porn stars, nothing strange about that, we all need to drink.
* it was destiny, birthright, in the stars, foretold, fate that Kate McKinnon would become our first female impersonator of President Hillary Clinton.
* in the space future, being called a chicken was a compliment...
* Soundgarden: so supposedly Chris Cornell's new album is bad? i dunno, just a rumor, i haven't listened to it, wish i had the time, at any rate please just get the band back together and save humanity with that 90s magic again, we're all desperate out here. y'know that got me thinking about how a Kurt Cobain solo album would have sounded...
* movie-set acting coach: i was always taught in acting school that it doesn't matter how ridiculous it comes across, if the actors are truly true to their inner motivations, the scene will work.
Monday, March 2, 2015
SNL Dakota Johnson / Alabama Shakes Episode Discussion
learned:
* omg that is so cute! Dakota's parents are watching their daughter's school play together!
* Batman, or Birdman, that was the point, right?: okay, four-square solution: Michael Keaton gets over the sting of that once-in-a-lifetime Oscar loss by becoming New York Mayor (and the city's greatest masked defender), Giuliani acts like a Presidential contender, Jon Stewart goes from fake news to real news (there's no difference), and Brian Williams fulfills his actual calling, comedic storytelling.
* ISIS daughter: let's get this controversy out of the way now: if i ever had to be blowed up by a terrorist, i would want it to be Kyle cos he's so endearing and goofy. no seriously, i wonder how Kyle feels when whenever they need an ISIS terrorist, it's, well, him. dads, don't let your daughters, you know the rest.
* i don't, i don't want to blog anymore *Say What You Wanna Say, sings, dances in the streets*
* RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!! SNL made me spontaneously laugh out loud for only the third time in ten years!: the Worf sketch. it was involuntary chuckles bursting out of my black-hole mouth all around, the decades of ST:TNG training (read: watching) in my limbic brain had to come out all over the surgical-room floor. was Dakota actually laughing IRL there when she said Keenan's costume was stupid or was she in character? she really is a fine actress. LLAP \\//
* Alabama Shakes: can they just be the permanent musical guest? they'll run out of songs eventually but i'll never get tired of hearing that woman's electrifying voice. she wants all my love, who am i to argue? i promise i won't cheat, no more Nirvana...
* Cinderella: i tried calling a bully of mine a C-U-N-Thursday but he thought i meant, "see you next Thursday for your next beating."
* Press Junket: they allow kids to see Fifty Shades as long as their divorced dad accompanies them? one mom's porn is another dad's bonding time. and teachable moments.
* Mr. Riot Films: yeah, i never got that whole bro frat-douchebag-with-a-heart-of-gold tricking-people, undercover-kindness-but-not-kindness-when-the-cameras-aren't-rolling, dress-up-as-a-dog-and-get-whistles-dog-whistles prankster buddies trope.
* net neutrality: Switzerland's internet. can you believe that Federer score? never thought the old man could do that to Djoker again. it's not the new racquet, it's the gluten-free early-bird dinners.
* omg that is so cute! Dakota's parents are watching their daughter's school play together!
* Batman, or Birdman, that was the point, right?: okay, four-square solution: Michael Keaton gets over the sting of that once-in-a-lifetime Oscar loss by becoming New York Mayor (and the city's greatest masked defender), Giuliani acts like a Presidential contender, Jon Stewart goes from fake news to real news (there's no difference), and Brian Williams fulfills his actual calling, comedic storytelling.
* ISIS daughter: let's get this controversy out of the way now: if i ever had to be blowed up by a terrorist, i would want it to be Kyle cos he's so endearing and goofy. no seriously, i wonder how Kyle feels when whenever they need an ISIS terrorist, it's, well, him. dads, don't let your daughters, you know the rest.
* i don't, i don't want to blog anymore *Say What You Wanna Say, sings, dances in the streets*
* RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!! SNL made me spontaneously laugh out loud for only the third time in ten years!: the Worf sketch. it was involuntary chuckles bursting out of my black-hole mouth all around, the decades of ST:TNG training (read: watching) in my limbic brain had to come out all over the surgical-room floor. was Dakota actually laughing IRL there when she said Keenan's costume was stupid or was she in character? she really is a fine actress. LLAP \\//
* Alabama Shakes: can they just be the permanent musical guest? they'll run out of songs eventually but i'll never get tired of hearing that woman's electrifying voice. she wants all my love, who am i to argue? i promise i won't cheat, no more Nirvana...
* Cinderella: i tried calling a bully of mine a C-U-N-Thursday but he thought i meant, "see you next Thursday for your next beating."
* Press Junket: they allow kids to see Fifty Shades as long as their divorced dad accompanies them? one mom's porn is another dad's bonding time. and teachable moments.
* Mr. Riot Films: yeah, i never got that whole bro frat-douchebag-with-a-heart-of-gold tricking-people, undercover-kindness-but-not-kindness-when-the-cameras-aren't-rolling, dress-up-as-a-dog-and-get-whistles-dog-whistles prankster buddies trope.
* net neutrality: Switzerland's internet. can you believe that Federer score? never thought the old man could do that to Djoker again. it's not the new racquet, it's the gluten-free early-bird dinners.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)