The X-Files "My Struggle IV"

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Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Caught Red Handed"

learned:

* last time:
Chip Lynne: it's actually been Chip Lynn you know. all this time.
me: *checking all my reviews* NO IT HASN'T!!!
Chip on the phone: hello, Outrageous Fortune? got any extras on set now that we can use? are they free on a couple of Saturdays?
Roz Turnbull: i'm free again.
Chip checking her imdb: i cannot believe you're a seasoned Australian actress and have never been nude.

* Sarah: you know Preston, we are the fanship of record. the fans really want us to get together.
Preston starts to growl and move funny in his pants.
Sarah: oh come on man! don't do that in front of me! go to the bathroom to do that!

* okay i give, this is actually a pretty clever title for these particular proceedings.

* Principal Hastings: i'm the Principal, why do i have to teach a class?
Monty: i don't have a last name.
Hastings: this was my grandmother's compass. she needed a lot of help to get around.

* did i go to the wrong school? what high school has camping trips? camping trips are for 8th Grade. what high school has the budget for camping trips?.........................yes it seems i went to the wrong school........

* Victor Vincent: and the Dread Rhino's name is Bebop.................or Rocksteady i always mix up the two.

* Victor: this is my snare blaster. i stole it off the porn set. i've always wanted to trap you in my net of love, Principal Hastings. like a wriggling squirmly sexy little mermaid.

* Hastings: HOW DID THE COMPASS GET IN YOUR SACK?
Brody: i stole it, bitch.
Hastings: EXCUSE ME!!?
Brody: i'm sorry. i stole it, Principal Bitch.
Hastings: that was some good acting, Brody.

* Sarah: i am the queen of pitching tents.

* monster rolls the dice.
Rangers: what the fuck is that?
Chip: it was supposed to be a more menacing die. like a giant D&D many-sided die made of ancient stone. but with our budget i could only get this inflatable beachball die. the costume department told me via text, no dice

* Brody: you know, Victor & Monty, that's where all the school bathroom pipes are.
Monty: i need a toke, this has been a LOOOOOOOOOOONGGGGGG season.

* Mick: we need you, Brody.
Brody: i got detention. i have to stay here.
Mick: okay.

* Victor and Monty land in a net on top of Hastings's homemade hut.
Hastings: karma's the real bitch.

* Hastings: what's the meaning of this video? is this me naked going to the bathroom in my private Principal sink the night i got drunk at the PTA?
Victor: it's not what you think, Principal, that is footage from the porn set that convenes here every night after we go home. i'm not a part of that.

* Hastings: magnify. this video clears your name. i'm sorry.
Brody: you sullied my name, you miserable bitch...
Hastings: no more acting, Brody.
Brody: sorry.
Hastings: here's my grandmother's compass. you can have it. i want you to keep it.
Brody: sure?
Hastings: i hated my grandmother.
Victor: Amanda, what say you leave us out of detention and i erase that nude leverage i have over you.
Monty: i deleted it.
Victor: sorry, Principal Hastings. my character was not always the lovable goofball you see today. Chip originally designed me to be a scary blackmail bully.

* Hastings: wait, how did the net magically form into a finger and push the compass into Brody's sack?
Mick: science. R.I.P. Principal Stephen Hawking.

* Madame Odius: alright alright alright is the nondescript monster o' the week vanquished yet can we move on to the real action? i'm getting my own zord, ladies!
Badonna: can i ride shotgun?
Odius: the fuck you say. gimme that!
Venoma: hey! why'd you pinch me?
Odius: not only weren't you wearing green, you wore orange today!
Venoma: i can't help how my armor is.
Badonna: we're evil but give it up for girl power!

* Rangers: all of our ninja stars are out of juice.
Brody: i got this compass i can throw...

* Brody: Show's Over, Ninjas Win!
Levi: nah, bro

* Odius: hey what happened to all the juice?
Venoma: Principal Hastings is a real gusher, i've seen her on the porn set at night.
Badonna: *finger pointed up* and now we wait! for night! to collect the juice!

* Victor: we're gonna become the Gold and Silver Rangers aren't we.
Monty: i'll finally get a last name.

The X-Files "Nothing Lasts Forever"

learned:

* last time:
Mulder: hands up! not me, you. whoa, is that the first time i've actually discharged my gun on this show? i usually solve crimes with my mind.

* i'm gonna miss this show. writing reviews of this show maybe not so much...

* come on, i was eating

* Karen Nielsen: i feel happy but it's tinged wth sadness. yes i missed Women's Day but i'm still a woman. no i'm not part of that hair-metal band with the two blond boys that's Nelson. no i'm not a spy for the Nielsen Ratings i'm actually a good writer who earned this!
Chris Carter: sorry, but this interview is standard procedure now. the times we live in.

* from the trailer i honestly thought this was gonna be about a video-game character combination of Lara Croft and Ezio who leaps out of an arcade cabinet and starts kicking ass for real with her bow and arrows and Renaissance hatchet going around causing medieval mayhem. like what would happen if video games were played on real-life streets. and it wasn't a cosplay thing or a game show or awkward real-life crimefighting in a cape.

* Wednesday Night Splatterfest! like cutting open and harvesting? X Files SVU on the menu!!!

* it's the Bronx, it's New York, the liberal bastion, there are no laws.

* secret surgeon: i thought pancreas was shorthand for pan with cream cheese and asiago...

* Juliet: i'm an Avenging Angel of God so it's okay. sorry for putting my fruit cups in there with the organs in the cooler, i was late for soccer practice. i will repay. how much do i owe you for the transport fee?

* CSM: *wry smile* Catholic scientist, just like i programmed her.

* FBI agents: they're doing the spinoff with us! i'm the ethnic agent he's the white agent it's gonna be like a blue-collar crime/white-collar crime thing.

* Mulder puts on his glasses.
Scully: nerd.
Mulder: why are you still Catholic?
Scully: those inside-birdbaths never stop being cool.

* agents: it's a Russian organ-theft ring.
Mulder & Scully: hey we know Bob Mueller!

* Mulder: a crime has been committed here. this church gate is missing three prongs.

* Scully: find anything on the dark web?
Mulder: i accidentally traced back where my porn comes from.

* priest: Juliet, the Bible is not meant to be taken literally...

* Mulder: though i'm the atheist i'm the one with the BELIEVE poster. if i had had a dog growing up i would have been a Christian.
Scully: don't talk about your sister that way.

* Scully: that's a famous Psalm.
Mulder: oh yeah, Pulp Fiction! Samuel L Jackson the vengeance speech.
Scully: *does her button* can't talk about Tarantino anymore.
Mulder: it's alright the church is for quiet anyway.

* Juliet's madre: looking back, maybe getting you into my religion wasn't the best idea.
Juliet: this must be what it feels like to be inside a novela.

* Juliet: yeah my sister joined a cult. i envy her, she got out of this one-horse town and is now free to enjoy her freedom. now if you'll excuse me i have video games to play. *slam*

* Barbara Beaumont: i'm like Samantha from Bewitched if Marsha Brady really did hit my head with a baseball.

* Barbara: i did it all for the IMDB. BRING BACK THE MESSAGEBOARDS!!!

* dinnie, what the hell was that?!

* that's why brownstones have stoops. so the neighbors can all come out and talk.

* Barbara: i may have histrionic-personality disorder. or i may just be an actress.

* Luvenis: i mean there's GOTTA be a better way to do this that doesn't involve back stitches. like a simple blood transfusion? it doesn't have to be all human caterpillar.

* y'know this is basically the Chimera Saga of Hunter x Hunter. now you don't have to do another forced live-action version that has to show in Japanese theatres.

* young man: i volunteer to be yours, Queen.
Barbara: you will be my eternal cabana boy.
young man: i'm a young man. who just wants to have sex with an older woman. can we leave out the stabbing?

* the only good thing about cults is the ritualistic sex.

* Scully: you're the landlord? are you sure you're not supposed to be on SVU?
landlord: i heard of lazy Susans but this is a little TOO lazy.

* cult: look we don't like housekeeping but i think it's time to reevaluate.
Barbara: okay i'll get a maid and spruce up the place.
cult: no we want to return to our former housekeeping jobs!

* Luvenis: i know groceries in New York are expensive but this is ridiculous.

* Luvenis: why did you get rid of Kayla? i liked Kayla.
Barbara: i saw how she looked at you. you were cheating on me with her.
Luvenis: you could literally see the both of us at any time! she can't look at me she's in the back of me!

* Luvenis: you were on that show?
Barbara: see how they laugh at my jokes.
Luvenis: that's the laugh track, dear.

* Barbara: if only they had cast me as the sister on Diff'rent Strokes none of this would have to happen. i'm like the dark side of what happened to Suzanne Somers after she left Chrissy and started a health program.

* Barbara: this version of the song would have won me American Idol.
Scully: that's actually probably true. thank god we didn't have to contend with that show much schedule-wise.
Barbara: i'm better than Cher or Charo, i always got those two confused.

* Luvenis: i'm performing surgery on myself. in a manner of speaking.

* Barbara: i keep the lights dim cos i have glaucoma, i'm an old woman remember. honey i can see your wrinkles.
Scully: that's just your glaucoma.
Barbara: alright take your selfie and mosey on out.
Scully: you don't know what a selfie is do you.
Barbara: no.

* Juliet: okay fine. community college is expensive. this is the only way i can work on my masonry sculpting.

* Luvenis: ageing is a disease.
Mulder: i feel ya, buddy, we've all been there. we guys have all gotten that bad batch of Lancôme cream in the mail. you know you would have been a better match for Scully than i am.

* Olivia: what are you doing here?
Juliet: you still owe me that five dollars.

* Juliet: do i get one Get Out Of Jail Free card? whaddayasay? a fuck for freedom?
Mulder: i thought you were a guy. the hair and everything.

* the wheel of Mexican-novela tears...

* Chris Carter: guys the elevator-shaft scene may be a little too Star Wars trash-compactor, i'm gonna have to clear it with Disney.
Scully: you just want to see Pablo Hidalgo again.

* Scully: my candle won't light. it's a sign.
Mulder: don't worry i'm always here to light your fire. we can't have sex without candlewax.
Scully: are we in a relationship, Mulder?
Mulder: i think we're like divorced or something. but we're trying to make it work for William.
Scully: let's go find our son.
Mulder: yeah we should have been doing that from the start.
Scully: are you God, Mulder?
Mulder: i only believe in one thing: the Taco Bell Belluminati.

* Mulder: stop spitting in my ear.

Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "The Need For Speed"

learned:

* Tom Cruise is suing. Tom Cruise is suing Power Rangers.

* Chip Lynne: so, Sarah, we're gonna leave you in the Lycra till the end of the season, okay?

* what high school, either here or in Australia, has a built-in mini-NASCAR track? i mean is there high-school NASCAR, is that a thing? imagine the insurance premiums on that. varsity NASCAR? junior-varsity NASCAR?

* coach with whistle and timer: hi i'm the high-school NASCAR teacher. i'm willing to bet i've been in some sort of low-budget Australian gangster flick or a sprite in an Australian fantasy knockoff in which i had to take off my clothes. that's how it is in Australian acting.

* Sarah: i win! cos i'm the only one at this school who hoverboards!

* this almost makes me want another live-action Speed Racer movie.

* Chip: what took you so long rustling the bush like that?
Victor Vincent: i was preparing my double.
Chip: oh it's not your acting double? look, Victor, we need you to be more subtle...

* Victor: this is my 50th trophy! this means I won all 50 states! i applied and next year i'm going to electoral college!

* Calvin: Cal! i like that. call me Cal from now on it's cooler. hey Sarah, help me with this 8-ball.
Sarah: it's easy, just wait for the Japanese businessmen to slurp them from your bare belly with their tiny tongues.

* Levi: what are all these calculations?
Sarah: math and shit. don't you go to school?
Levi: i'm a cowboy, ma'am.

* Victor: i'll give you the trophy if you go on a date with me.
Sarah: fat chance! that trophy's not big enough for me. for what i like to do with trophies.

* Sarah: i look like a CIA nut with all this tinfoil on but it's better than the Lycra.

* Speedwing: drat! almost saved the princess midflight!

* Speedwing: i'm Speedwing. i have a pigeon on my head that keeps shitting on my head! please remove this curse on my head!

* Speedwing: i'm fast.
Brody: we get it.......................whoa, that was a cool line, my first cool line, thanks, writers. i've even started collecting vintage long-play records handy with me when i need to scratch them to emphasize the point.

* Preston: we're gonna carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey!
Speedwing: joke's on you, it's not Thanksgiving!

* Hayley: did you just call me a monkey?

* Wolvermean: oh yeah, it was actually Wolvermean, heehee. anyway YOU LOST YOUR STAR?!!
Speedwing: it's not my fault! it's that damn-stupid Uber driver's fault!

* Mick: uh, Sarah, what are you doing behind my back?
Sarah: hands, Mick, hands, i need to see those hands at all times.
Mick: hands up hands up my hands are up i'm sorry.

* Mick: don't you think using monster tech is a bit unpredictable and dangerous?
Sarh: it's just my Monster High chem lab. it looks like a mad-scientist dungeon but it's just used to make perfume it'll be fine.

* Sarah: i won! at least that bozo Victor doesn't have it anymore. but it leaves me with this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Mick looks at Sarah disappointingly and shakes his head.
Sarah: *rubs her stomach* the baby's yours, Mick.
Mick looks at Sarah disappointingly and shakes his head.
Mick: i told you to be careful.

* Speedwing: okay, deal, i'll stop destroying the world if you give me that hoverboard that thing's cool.
Sarah: hell naw that's ma toy

* Preston: this green sword is useless, it shoots vines instead of lasers.
Poison Ivy: that's my sword, big boy.

* Speedwing: hey! stop stopping me with your swords i'm trying to run a race here! you're cutting into my world-record time! i run instead of fly for some reason.

* Sarah: school, i have an announcement. i'm giving back the trophy. i'm a cheater.
Hayley: you fucked Calvin? sorry, Cal.
Sarah: even though the flux-capacitor alteration i made technically was legal---NASCAR gets away with this sort of shenanigan every raceday---i still feel bad. and the truth is i cheated in another way. i'm on performance-enchancing drugs.
Hayley: steroids? so that explains the big butt. technically, plastic-surgery is not considered performance-enhancing drugs, hon.
Sarah: you shut yo mouth.

* coach with whistle and timer: which one's the dummy?................oh  come on, writers, you stick me with that line?! just cos i'm the guest star?!

* Victor: being in that bush taught me something. about parallel universes and being in two places at the same time. i'm joining the Army instead of going to electoral college!

* Sarah: forget athletic achievement. i'd rather hang out with my friends.
NASCAR teacher: hanging out with your friends won't get you into a good university. what is this, Skins?

* Badonna: please, Odius, please tell me i fuck you by the end of the season. i can't hold on, if not i'm jetting it out of here, i can't stay. when will we finally be together?
Madame Odius: Chip hasn't told me anything.
Badonna: my family disowned me. i gave up marrying a lawyer for you.

The X-Files "Familiar"

learned:

* 2 more episodes for all of this to wrap up neatly

* i couldn't hear a thing. it was hushed voices and subtitles throughout like a foreign film. which i much prefer over cranking the thing to 35 and everyone shouting.

* Scully: so we're back in the borial forest again?
Mulder: taiga? you mean last episode wasn't finally my proof of alternate realities?

* i'm not sure about this but i think Mr. Chuckleteeth may be racist

* or maybe it's just Chuckleteeth wants kids to avoid gingivitis

* Happy Women's Day Shannon Hamblin and Kristen Cloke, great script last week.

* had no idea on the name until the subtitles, didn't want to know actually

* Diane: i'm not a bad mother, i'm a good milf.

* crushing speed > cruising speed

* of course the kid's father is a cop

* Scully: coywolf?
Mulder: yeah he tells you he had a great time but never calls you again.

* Scully: scapegoat?
Mulder: goat sacrifice.

* black cop: i'm the black cop just in case you were wondering about this town.

* Mulder: OMG, THIS IS SALT!!!
Scully: how can you tell?
Mulder: cos i can't taste salt. that side of my tongue got bitten off by a witch.

* cops: you're messing up the crime scene. the set designer won't like that. people get off on this?
Mulder: oh yeah, after Satanism changed its name to Wicca it's become mainstream.

* i know this is gravely serious, but that blow-up photo of the kid, his expression is hilarious.

* Eggers: you can tell me, i'm a good egg.
black cop: i can't break the law in a church.

*Eggers: so do these computers have Windows 95?

* Strong: put the gun, down, Eggers. i'm here to hand you your parking ticket for that stunt you pulled out there.

* Anna: *stroking her hair* do you work, Mr. Mulder? are you into witches? what does your son do?
Mulder: he's like a player or something.

* Mulder: creepy Teletubbies. but the Teletubbies were already by nature creepy. nice collection of grimoires.
Anna: husband's a history nut.
Mulder: so the chief of police knows not to cause a mob riot cos of the bogus witch trials and scarlet letters and all that jazz, right? that won't happen here.

* Scully: you saw a hellhound? what'd it look like?
Mulder: imagine Ozzy Osbourne's dog.
Scully: Minnie?
Mulder: isn't that their granddaughter?

* Mr. Chuckleteeth looks like that guy, that monster from that other franchise, white-faced jack-in-the-box puppet with the spring and top hat? red coils for face paint? yeah i dunno, i hate horror movies.

* Anna: bibbletiggle. cos the Bible.

* what is with this episode and uncomfortably-funny photos?

* Melvin Peter: i swear i'm not a pedo. i just really like clowns. non-sexual. i always wanted to be a birthday-party clown growing up.

* monkey in a cage: i'm the monkey from the Nine Inch Nails "Closer" video!!!
Mulder: how's Jack?

* Mulder: what happened to this American experiment of ours?
Scully: as a scientist i can say we forgot the hypothesis.

* Eggers: nothing to see here, folks, just pouring carrot juice on his head. no mob mentality, hot day.

* Eggers: i'll forgive your cheating if you put down the booze. that's my booze. all those booze chalices are mine.

* Mulder: this all could have been avoided if you turned off the tv.

* Strong: i cursed the town cos i couldn't keep it in my pants.
Mulder: next time get bigger pants.

* Anna: SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NO ONE IN THIS TOWN LETS ME BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR?!!!!!!

* Mulder: Anna, put down the book.
Anna: but reading is FUNdamental.
Mulder: you're playing with forces you have no control over.
Anna: dammit i forgot to say the spell backwards!!!!!!!!!...........

* Scully: somehow this wolf book didn't burn.
cop: Fire and Fury? don't worry, ma'am, we'll take care of it at our next book-burning.

* this episode mocks small-town America. the Olympics are officially over.

* maybe if i had been reared on British children's television as a kid i would love horror movies now

Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Attack of the Galactic Ninjas"

learned:

* looking back, title should have been more about what this was about, "Romeo and Juliet: The Soap Opera" or something

* Calvin: who's the necklace for?
Preston: Calvin, i fucked your girlfriend.
Calvin: ............
Preston: see? i could get away with it, too. nobody would ever believe me.

* Hayley: Sweetness...
Calvin: what's all that about?
Hayley: Walter Payton, a hero of mine. he was afraid to die.
Calvin: i don't believe you! how would kids our age know who Walter Payton is?

* Cosmo: here are the new characters! Wolverine or something? i already forgot their names.

* Chip Lynne: i cast myself as the stereotypical brusque and regretful school-play director who languishes stuck in this dead-end job with unappreciative no-name talents and wishes he were still on Broadway! pretty perfect and appropriate huh.
Calvin: ..............
Chip: i called for me to be hammy, too, but nobody in the history of earth is hammier than Victor.

* whoa, this is freaky, it's like Romeo and Juliet but none of Shakespeare's lines are used, it's watered- and dumbed-down American patter from the writers, weird as hell.

* Victor Vincent: don't you want the best actors for the production?
Chip: the strange thing is you're a better actor pretending to be Romeo than you are the real-life Chris Sean Reid playing Victor.

* theatre director Chip: you're the understudy. if something happens to Preston...
Monty: can we kill him?
theatre director Chip: at least make it poetic and apt to the play. poison him or something.

* Calvin: where're you going, Hayley?
Hayley: late for class!
Calvin: that's bullshit! this is a school! this is a place of cheating!

* Levi: why are you picking at your food, Calvin?
Calvin: this potato salad tastes like shit.

* Calvin: i can't believe she kissed him! she called him Romeo for some out-of-the-blue reason. odd, she's never called me or anyone else Romeo before.
Sarah: Chip made me wear these Lycra pants huh.

* Brody: cool underground lair! cool talking robot! can you teach me how to punch and kick?
Levi: my brother, you need to learn how to do many many things.

* Mick: spit it out.
Calvin spits in Mick's face.

* Mick: that's a sticky situation.
Calvin: please, Mick, i don't want to hear about your cum. i don't want to hear about how you're getting off to this.

* Brody: what are you looking at?
Sarah: my booty on Instagram. without Lycra pants on.
Brody: wow. want to be in a non-kissing relationship?

* Chip: give me credit. it's no Tommy-and Kim-tongue, but i got a kiss on the cheek past the censors.

* Calvin: so the dropping the wrench on your toe thing was acting?
Mick: Shakespearean roots. don't remind me. i shoulda been in your school play.

* Levi: what are these new bots?
Cosmo: already forgot their names. looks like the writers had an all-night Miyazaki-and-ghost-pepper-pizza session in Chip's office before dawn broke on the day the script had to be in.

* Mick: yeah, i'm gonna leave the fighting to you. i'm but a cowardly mechanic. you know i'm the only one in this little startup company that has insurance.
Rangers: insurance? we're kids, we can't afford insurance.
Mick: i know, i'm the adult in the room. just realize everytine you go out there and fight you guys aren't covered for workplace compensation if you get injured on the job.

* Levi: you aren't stealing my memories again! Chip wanted to but Saban stopped it putting out an official statement saying we already did that.

* Odius: here i am. sigh. maybe next episode.

* on stage:
Preston: Calvin, i fucked Hayley.
Calvin in the audience: what?
Preston: Calvin, you like my acting? Hayley likes it raw.
Calvin: what?
Hayley waking up from her eternal slumber: raw vegetables and fruits.

* Mick: i always cry at weddings.
Sarah: shoot water in my face to evince real tears, that's how they muzzle me on the porn set.

* Calvin: i've been such an idiot. i jumped to conclusions.
Hayley: white men can't jump. you're cute when you're jealous.
Calvin: you have green skin.

* Levi: okay, i'm ready for my close-up! ready to be in this school play!
Mick: you're dressed in that green costume from last week.
Levi: i'm Old Gregg!

* Victor: WE'RE IN SOUTH AFRICA???????!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Monty: not cool to shriek like that, dude, South Africa's racial tensions have quelled quite a bit through the decades.
Victor: where's Simba?

* so i guess Romeo and Juliet is copyrighted?

The X-Files "Rm9sbG93ZXJz"

learned:

* Robot Chicken beat you to it with the ungoogleable-title thing.

* like typing a youtube link

* base64? the only base i know is illegal base-jumping off the Superman bridge

* nobody would have cared about the troll robot if she weren't hot

* we now know all of our recent hate was manufactured by the Russians

* this café is too sleek, too modern, too barren, too antiseptic, too Japanese...

* this is what happens when Pokemon Go dies

* monkfish aren't ugly. they just spend their entire lives in sunless monasteries, that's what you get.

* wait, the entire episode without dialogue? this is gonna be a short review...

* first break in: already my favorite episode in the entire franchise

* the credit-card companies "eat" your credit card everytime they scan it

* that's a total Hollywoodization of uber. uber is way worse.

* emoji driver: i only have two settings, happy and disappointed.

* Mulder: should i pay the tip?.........................just thinking outloud

* the car starts playing the Madonna "Justify My Love" video.
GPS: you said controversy.

* drones have always been skeevy. they're like mechanical bumblebees. real bumblebees are soulless enough.

* computer: say your name into the speaker.
Mulder: David Duchovny!!! dammit.

* computer: your porn month is up, would you care to renew?
Mulder: i will gladly pay the 20-dollar surcharge yes.

* yeah, that's my greatest fear. the volume stick breaks in two and you're not able to quiet the porn.

* Mulder: i warned you, kid, that's the last time...........*whiff*..............i tried out for the Cubs like the new ADA on SVU. you're lucky i'm not good. i actually don't like baseball much, i toss around the ball for physical therapy, broke my hand punching an alien in the nose.

* Scully: Rock It Like a Redhead............i thought that was the name of my vibrator....

* Roombas are freaky, too, wriggling around the room like a drunk snake. anything my cat doesn't trust i don't trust.

* this would make a great Alexa commercial.

* this episode brought to you by Google Home

* the warm glow of a screen. the mellifluent sonic tone. it's intoxicating isn't it.....

* drone: we never leave a brother behind. unlike you and your sister.
Mulder: ouch.

* you know how this is gonna end. how these things always end. a shootout.

* Scully: 911?!!
operator: that's coming up next.

* *flame*
Mulder: next time, Scully, don't eat the burrito.

* Mulder: you know, under a different light, these rave-stick drones aren't disconcerting at all, they have a kind of Close Encounters magic to them.

* oh yeah, those motorized dog things, nightmare fuel. first encountered them on Off the Air, i know the writers saw that episode.

* i'll always love those rectangularly-cut slats of plastic you see on the doors of butchers' and the backs of grocery stores. don't know why the doors are like that, something about meat bacteria contamination or something? but they look cool. guess the butchers can't wear gloves.

* robot big bad: don't worry, shooting blanks. like you do.
Mulder: ouch.

* Mulder: yeah, motherfuckers! i'm still fucking the system! i could have given you 25% and i chose 10%!!! hahahahahahaha!!!

* robot: remember, we learn from you.
Mulder: and we learn from the Bible. there's gotta be better teachers.
robot: who?
Scully and Mulder: Leonard Nimoy.

* Scully: so it turns out i have low blood-sugar and hot flashes. you gonna pay the tip?
Mulder: no. it's not a racial thing, i just don't pay tips.

* Skinner: hi. in the back. you like my toupee?
Scully: sorry about forgetting your birthday gift.
Skinner: it's okay. i bought myself this toupee.

* Scully: why don't we put down our phones and double-orgasm this orgy of silence together.
Mulder: the writers didn't want to write anymore huh.

* i love these writers. but you know deep down they wanted to go the entire episode without one word of dialogue. French-noir style.

* luckily, my Xfinity box was not yet smart enough to delete this program.