learned:
* pretty good writing. everything that is presented upfront comes back later in the back. like a bad ice cream sandwich.
* okay, this is the last episode, you don't have to hit us over the head with it.
Cosmo: kids, do you know what a hiatus is? let's spell it out together...
* Galvanax: take these teenagers away!
Victor and Monty: we were teenagers. but we didn't have attitude.
* Brody: i should have destroyed the magnet gun first. but hey, hindsight is 100/100.
* Brody: what's with the sword?
Mick: this is my secret, never-before-seen cosplay blade!
* Mick: i always wanted to ride bitch...
* Cosmo: we can't show this on a kid's show.
Levi: trotting us all up here on stage half-naked bound and gagged like sex dolls?
Cosmo: no, when you said you wanted to kill me.
* Sarah: can i at least make one last phone call to my mom?
Cosmo: what is your mom's name?
Sarah: Jodie Rimmer.
Cosmo: remember, the porn stars come onto this stage after Nickelodeon leaves.
been saving that joke for two weeks
* Madame Odius: is the megamag done? i need a new vibrator.
Monty: yes, my queen fox thing from Starfox.
Odius: i'm not a fox! don't lump me in with your Earth conventions. i am an alien creature with a designation you could never understand. not some lurid sex plaything, you damn furry!
Monty: have i upset you, my liege? please feed me some more of that alien slop. i haven't farted in ages.
* Monty: y'know, i'm actually quite cute. but i'll never be appreciated cos i'm forever lumped in with you, Victor, whom everyone despises, even your own mother.
* Victor: what's the difference between BasherBots and Kudabots?
Odius: seven hours in the chair.
* Brody: we can't keep running away.
Mick: why?
Chip Lynne: the set's only yea long.
* Redbot: good news, bad news. the comet is coming. it will destroy Galvanax. it will also destroy the Earth.
* Galvanax: truth is, i'm a collector. a completionist at that.
* Brody: i'm gonna do something now that will be epic. i'm gonna repeat what my flashback father said many years ago.
Mick: say it.
Brody: i forgot my line.
* get the ninja power stars from that birdbath!
* Rangers: who is that?
Mick: it's me! Mick! in my cosplay suit!
* Galvanax: GIVE ME BACK MY BELT!!! i earned that fair and square in a WWF ring in the '80s.
* Rangers: who is that?
father: call me Father. my name doesn't matter. before i go all in on the exposition, is there a bathroom? i've been holding in decades of gallons.
* Galvanax: subtext: i never knew my father.
* Galvanax: you never thought i'd drink a protein shake, did you?
Sarah: i drink protein shakes all the time.
* Father: GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!
* Cosmo: it's the moment we've been waiting for all season! GIGANTIFY GALVANAX! whoops, no power. we forgot to pay the electric bill. that's what happens when you wait till the end of the season.
* Chip Lynne: have you noticed that every season the Rangers end up in this same exact little cove with the mountain and the shore and the ocean and the horizon? just interesting that's all. i'm sure it's some location in New Zealand.
* Victor: Kudabots don't go to the bathroom, Monty.
Monty: you mean...
Victor: yes.
* Cosmo: wait! Kudabots don't talk!
Monty: we do! you just never wanted to listen to our problems.
* Monty: i didn't want to do the fart scene. but it's Nickelodeon. their brand is farts and slime.
* Galvanax: curse you, Odius! is this because of prom?
* Sarah: it's an asteroid. or asspull-teroid.
* Hayley: are you seeing that thing spinning in front of us?
Calvin: no. remember? we're all on drugs.
Preston: i do two shows of this stuff.
* Galvanax: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
next-door neighbors: will you kids keep it down over there? we're trying to watch the Japanese version. so far all our old set gets is Archie Bunker.
* Rangers: *crying* our power stars! they're gone! they turned to dust!
Mick: you know we're all gonna die. we all turn to dust someday.
* Sarah: so we're done here?
Mick: one more season to go.
Sarah: what? rip up my contract, i want to do movies while the iron's hot. what's Zalman King's phone number? i want to do glossy softcore.
* reporter: so a scent that repels monsters? what's it called?
Monty: Monty. For Men. see? i'm cute.
* Mick: so i'm done here. you won't have my levels-way-above-your-acting with the ticks and broad line-delivery to your benefit anymore. the space taxi coming is taking me to the Ly Galaxy. that's a lie. i'm going back to Neighbours. there are only two words which would ever make me come back: Tenaya 7. if you count a number as a word.
* Mick: eat your grits.
Hayley: why did you look at me when you said that?
* Madame Odius: surprise! Christmas special spoilers! the new Doctor is a woman!
NOTES FROM MY NETHER / only the finest programs of television / your host this evening is early and wears no robe, 83optics on youtube but you know him better as THE LATE PHOENIX / come and mull over the monastery mulled wine, see what's on / N O T E S
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Justice League Action "Race Against Crime"
learned:
* LOIS LANE! voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
* i remember a comic-story story very similar...
* Lex Luthor: i hate to let go of this milky silky leg, Diana, but there'll be other gal gams.
* Cyborg: there's nothing special about me! i'm just a citizen who cares! a senior citizen...
* Luthor: i had a Mount Rushmore joke but they wouldn't let me use it. i mean a joke from the film Rushmore and they wouldn't let me use it...
* ballsy to fit in a "one hour earlier" into 11 minutes
* FINALLY we get the episode where that promo is from! i always thought i missed something.
* the people of Metropolis act as if they've never seen Bruce Wayne out in the open...
* Lois: are you really the fastest man alive?
the Flash: i don't like to say that around the ladies. babe, you're hot but that's too much purple. it's clashing and my eyes are covered in white cloth.
* Lois: my man is faster than a speeding bullet.
the Flash: "bullet"? what do you mean? like bullet train? we got rid of guns years ago and the people are safe. sure, superheroes and everything but that's what really did it.
* Superman: Lois! did you do something with your hair? you were bald last time i saw you.
Lois: that was Lex.
* Lois: all this and a sense of humor, too.
Superman: i fucked Wonder Woman to prepare for the race. that's what they say, right? enervate yourself of all your energy and power fluids so you're on the starting line with an empty tank.
* Green Lantern: i only condone starting guns, kids.
* Flash: you like my butt?
* Superman: we just caused a massive global tsunami.
Flash: the surfers don't seem to mind. they're giving us the shaka. i think.
* Lois: we've attached GPS devices to our heroes so they'll never leave our sight. the government says this is easier than drones.
* Luthor: you like the place? i got it cheap after Gargamel died in a vat of magic Smurf acid.
* Chronos: why the hell do i sound like i have a hangover? what's my backstory? is there drinking in the family?
* Luthor: you're so exacting, Chronos. did you enjoy algebra as a kid?
Chronos: i was never a kid. is algebra a spelling word?
* Chronos: i made this suit from all the purple Lois Lane has lying around her apartment.
* Chronos: time, speed, it's all crack cocaine in the end.
* Luthor: well of course there's that whiny voice of yours.
Chronos: James Woods, buddy, just a heads up. want to get in on this preemptively? we all know the rumors that have swirled around you for decades.
* Luthor: PURPLE POWER RANGER!!! no aromatherapy this week. that's the only therapy i do.
* Chronos: you idiot! that was an endangered bird! what's next, elephants?
* Chronos: thank you, sonny. the young people today are too into their phones to help an elderly man climb under a bus. what's your name again?
Luthor: we'll talk later, pops. i am your son.
* Lois: they've just crossed the Rockies you know what that means...............marijuana...
* sideliner: damn you, Samsung! the only time i'm ever gonna capture Lex Luthor photobombing something i take and the damn picture turns out blurry!!!
* Superman: i just noticed. what's up wih your voice, Flash? is it just the speed? where's the other guy?
* Luthor: what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force?
Flash: the Big Bang.
* Luthor: *singing and putting on a curly black wig and revealing see-through BDSM suit* if i could turn back time...
* Flash: why does all the action in all of these cartoons always end up at Star Labs? just what the fuck experimenting is going on at Star Labs?
* Flash: it's not a rock, it's a force.
Batman: Dwayne Johnson is both.
* the writers just got around this week to seeing Commando.
* Flash: you got a vibrator?
Superman: ask Lois.
Flash: friction's too much.
Superman: ask Diana.
* Batman: what i hold in my hand is an HP desktop. warning: the updates are KILLER long.
* Chronos. voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
* Flash: i just barely avoided Disney copyright there with that remark.
* Flash: booga-booga is racist.
Luthor: then why did you repeat it?
* Chronos: i feel so much better. all the anger has been drained from me.
Batman: wait till they set your bail.
Superman: way to go, Batman! he was reformed till you butted in!
* great episode. from start to finish. this show is back on top!
* *checks wikipedia* OH NO! IS THIS THE SERIES FINALE!!? i am sad. very sad.
* LOIS LANE! voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
* i remember a comic-story story very similar...
* Lex Luthor: i hate to let go of this milky silky leg, Diana, but there'll be other gal gams.
* Cyborg: there's nothing special about me! i'm just a citizen who cares! a senior citizen...
* Luthor: i had a Mount Rushmore joke but they wouldn't let me use it. i mean a joke from the film Rushmore and they wouldn't let me use it...
* ballsy to fit in a "one hour earlier" into 11 minutes
* FINALLY we get the episode where that promo is from! i always thought i missed something.
* the people of Metropolis act as if they've never seen Bruce Wayne out in the open...
* Lois: are you really the fastest man alive?
the Flash: i don't like to say that around the ladies. babe, you're hot but that's too much purple. it's clashing and my eyes are covered in white cloth.
* Lois: my man is faster than a speeding bullet.
the Flash: "bullet"? what do you mean? like bullet train? we got rid of guns years ago and the people are safe. sure, superheroes and everything but that's what really did it.
* Superman: Lois! did you do something with your hair? you were bald last time i saw you.
Lois: that was Lex.
* Lois: all this and a sense of humor, too.
Superman: i fucked Wonder Woman to prepare for the race. that's what they say, right? enervate yourself of all your energy and power fluids so you're on the starting line with an empty tank.
* Green Lantern: i only condone starting guns, kids.
* Flash: you like my butt?
* Superman: we just caused a massive global tsunami.
Flash: the surfers don't seem to mind. they're giving us the shaka. i think.
* Lois: we've attached GPS devices to our heroes so they'll never leave our sight. the government says this is easier than drones.
* Luthor: you like the place? i got it cheap after Gargamel died in a vat of magic Smurf acid.
* Chronos: why the hell do i sound like i have a hangover? what's my backstory? is there drinking in the family?
* Luthor: you're so exacting, Chronos. did you enjoy algebra as a kid?
Chronos: i was never a kid. is algebra a spelling word?
* Chronos: i made this suit from all the purple Lois Lane has lying around her apartment.
* Chronos: time, speed, it's all crack cocaine in the end.
* Luthor: well of course there's that whiny voice of yours.
Chronos: James Woods, buddy, just a heads up. want to get in on this preemptively? we all know the rumors that have swirled around you for decades.
* Luthor: PURPLE POWER RANGER!!! no aromatherapy this week. that's the only therapy i do.
* Chronos: you idiot! that was an endangered bird! what's next, elephants?
* Chronos: thank you, sonny. the young people today are too into their phones to help an elderly man climb under a bus. what's your name again?
Luthor: we'll talk later, pops. i am your son.
* Lois: they've just crossed the Rockies you know what that means...............marijuana...
* sideliner: damn you, Samsung! the only time i'm ever gonna capture Lex Luthor photobombing something i take and the damn picture turns out blurry!!!
* Superman: i just noticed. what's up wih your voice, Flash? is it just the speed? where's the other guy?
* Luthor: what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force?
Flash: the Big Bang.
* Luthor: *singing and putting on a curly black wig and revealing see-through BDSM suit* if i could turn back time...
* Flash: why does all the action in all of these cartoons always end up at Star Labs? just what the fuck experimenting is going on at Star Labs?
* Flash: it's not a rock, it's a force.
Batman: Dwayne Johnson is both.
* the writers just got around this week to seeing Commando.
* Flash: you got a vibrator?
Superman: ask Lois.
Flash: friction's too much.
Superman: ask Diana.
* Batman: what i hold in my hand is an HP desktop. warning: the updates are KILLER long.
* Chronos. voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
* Flash: i just barely avoided Disney copyright there with that remark.
* Flash: booga-booga is racist.
Luthor: then why did you repeat it?
* Chronos: i feel so much better. all the anger has been drained from me.
Batman: wait till they set your bail.
Superman: way to go, Batman! he was reformed till you butted in!
* great episode. from start to finish. this show is back on top!
* *checks wikipedia* OH NO! IS THIS THE SERIES FINALE!!? i am sad. very sad.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Justice League Action "System Error"
learned:
* Booster Gold: you look terrible, Bats.
Batman: i was drinking. my parents were murdered in cold blood you know.
* Superman: you didn't hear? Harley and Zod are dating.
Batman: what is this, high school?
* Wonder Woman: the villains keep appearing in weird combinations.
Batman: that's called the writers are bored and have run out of ideas.
* Batman: can you time-jump us out of here?
Booster: no can do. these HP updates take FOREVER to load.
* Booster: so i'm guessing you're just gonna leave me hanging?
Batman: Batman hangs with nooooooooooooo-body.
* Booster: Cyborg's out cold! what's his blood type?
Batman: HP updates.
* Batman: this is not good. Cyborg is fully human...
* Batman: hit me!
Wonder Woman wallops him.
Wonder Woman: that's for Catwoman!
Batman: ow, that hurt! that wasn't just for Catwoman.
Wonder Woman: you're right, that was for Batgirl!
* Batman: i'm a robot. everyone remove your faces and calmly admit that everything you thought about yourself up till now is a lie. without crisis. do it in my steady, unfazed voice.
* Superman: why are we here? who made us?
Batman: that is the burning existential question of our time, my friend. do you believe in God?
Superman: yes i believe in Zod. we kneel before Him everyday.
* Booster: they can be robots and still kill us with their lasers...
* Booster: performance issues?
Cyborg: i fucked a bitch last night.
Booster: hey man, respec womans.
Cyborg: the bitch in this case was you.
* Booster: where are we going?
Batman: you guys are nailing it today with the existential questions.
* Booster: whoa, the screen is all red plaid.
Wonder Woman: like Christmas ribbon.
Booster: i was thinking more like a grunge woolen shirt. *devil-horns hand gesture* rock on! Nirvana forever!
* Darkseid: WHOA! Parademon! i never knew you could talk! i thought you just grunted. i've been so busy i've never sat down and actually heard your voice before.
* Superman: is it just me or is that Big Belly Burger mascot familiar?
Booster: maybe. but it was phased out after the '90s. everything good was phased out after the '90s.
Cyborg: that Big Belly Burger sure looks good. i missed breakfast.
Booster: you eat?
* Lab Rats. miss that show. i could have done episode reviews here of that show...
* Booster: time-out...
Batman: what is that hand gesture? i don't do sports.
Booster: we have a steady gig here. of meaningless robot lives.
* Wonder Woman: are you serious, Booster?!! why am i attracted to you all of a sudden?
Booster: is it really up to us?
Batman: what is deep down in your soul, Booster?
Booster: porn. but in my defense, i am a computer.
* Batman: don't worry, they're just robots, they can't harm you.
* Superman: *blows wind* sorry. i tried to slow them down, but i killed them accidentally.
* Booster: forgot Parademons can fly
* Darkseid: you like my butt?
* Darkseid: don't you just love glitches in video games?
* Cyborg: cheaters never prosper.
Darkseid: then why is Lex Luthor President?
* Booster: so we're gonna die. and there's nothing we can do about it.
Batman high-fives Booster.
Batman: existential as fuck. btw, i've never high-fived anyone before.
* Kevin Conroy: it's Batman!
Cyborg: that sounds so weird coming out of your mouth.
Kevin Conroy: i just said that previous line in Cyborg's voice...
* Wonder Woman to Robo-Wonder Woman: i'm prettier than you.
* Booster: i do not sound like that!
Kevin Conroy: you're right. I sound like that.
* Booster Gold: you look terrible, Bats.
Batman: i was drinking. my parents were murdered in cold blood you know.
* Superman: you didn't hear? Harley and Zod are dating.
Batman: what is this, high school?
* Wonder Woman: the villains keep appearing in weird combinations.
Batman: that's called the writers are bored and have run out of ideas.
* Batman: can you time-jump us out of here?
Booster: no can do. these HP updates take FOREVER to load.
* Booster: so i'm guessing you're just gonna leave me hanging?
Batman: Batman hangs with nooooooooooooo-body.
* Booster: Cyborg's out cold! what's his blood type?
Batman: HP updates.
* Batman: this is not good. Cyborg is fully human...
* Batman: hit me!
Wonder Woman wallops him.
Wonder Woman: that's for Catwoman!
Batman: ow, that hurt! that wasn't just for Catwoman.
Wonder Woman: you're right, that was for Batgirl!
* Batman: i'm a robot. everyone remove your faces and calmly admit that everything you thought about yourself up till now is a lie. without crisis. do it in my steady, unfazed voice.
* Superman: why are we here? who made us?
Batman: that is the burning existential question of our time, my friend. do you believe in God?
Superman: yes i believe in Zod. we kneel before Him everyday.
* Booster: they can be robots and still kill us with their lasers...
* Booster: performance issues?
Cyborg: i fucked a bitch last night.
Booster: hey man, respec womans.
Cyborg: the bitch in this case was you.
* Booster: where are we going?
Batman: you guys are nailing it today with the existential questions.
* Booster: whoa, the screen is all red plaid.
Wonder Woman: like Christmas ribbon.
Booster: i was thinking more like a grunge woolen shirt. *devil-horns hand gesture* rock on! Nirvana forever!
* Darkseid: WHOA! Parademon! i never knew you could talk! i thought you just grunted. i've been so busy i've never sat down and actually heard your voice before.
* Superman: is it just me or is that Big Belly Burger mascot familiar?
Booster: maybe. but it was phased out after the '90s. everything good was phased out after the '90s.
Cyborg: that Big Belly Burger sure looks good. i missed breakfast.
Booster: you eat?
* Lab Rats. miss that show. i could have done episode reviews here of that show...
* Booster: time-out...
Batman: what is that hand gesture? i don't do sports.
Booster: we have a steady gig here. of meaningless robot lives.
* Wonder Woman: are you serious, Booster?!! why am i attracted to you all of a sudden?
Booster: is it really up to us?
Batman: what is deep down in your soul, Booster?
Booster: porn. but in my defense, i am a computer.
* Batman: don't worry, they're just robots, they can't harm you.
* Superman: *blows wind* sorry. i tried to slow them down, but i killed them accidentally.
* Booster: forgot Parademons can fly
* Darkseid: you like my butt?
* Darkseid: don't you just love glitches in video games?
* Cyborg: cheaters never prosper.
Darkseid: then why is Lex Luthor President?
* Booster: so we're gonna die. and there's nothing we can do about it.
Batman high-fives Booster.
Batman: existential as fuck. btw, i've never high-fived anyone before.
* Kevin Conroy: it's Batman!
Cyborg: that sounds so weird coming out of your mouth.
Kevin Conroy: i just said that previous line in Cyborg's voice...
* Wonder Woman to Robo-Wonder Woman: i'm prettier than you.
* Booster: i do not sound like that!
Kevin Conroy: you're right. I sound like that.
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Power Rangers Ninja Steel "Helping Hand"
learned:
* no mention of Sarah's mom in the description? for shame.
* i told you! this is the episode! (okay, so no Victor on the hoverboard)
* Preston: i call bike bitch!
* lawnmower man: your ass is grass...
* Sarah's mom: i made this machine that eats jellied toast and drinks for you. i am so lonely.
* Chip Lynne: Sarah's cheek messy with jelly and Sarah getting sprayed on? the night porn seems to have filtered into the day show.
* Force Fear: hello. i'm this week's villain. i'm a giant cute head.
* Force Fear: call me Pink Floyd. I have the Wall.
* Cosmo: do you know how much it costs to dry-clean this suit? the total combined salaries of at least three BasherBots!
* Transformers: Robots in Disguise 2015 junkyard in real life. i'm gonna miss that show...
* Mick: how do you two numbskulls know the location of the Rangers hideout?
Victor and Monty: Rangers?
* Monty: drat. the one time we actually put our two brains together and make something substantial for science, and it's gonna be mishandled by evil.
Victor: atom bomb, Monty, atom bomb.
* Sarah: not a gratuitous ass shot. Nickelodeon handles these things well.
* Sarah: mom, you're embarrassing me!
Sarah's mom: sorry, my accent is bleeding through. it's hard to stay American throughout.
Sarah: mom, you and i are gonna have a good relationship. cos i'm prettier than you.
* Sarah's mom: I know this is hard to believe, but i'm Tony Hawk's mom in real life.
* Calvin: you were a little hard on her out there weren't you?
Sarah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT
* Pink Floyd: there's only one way to defeat my Wall. shitloads and shitloads of psychotropic mushrooms.
* Madame Odius: sorry i've been away recently. i recently took up knitting. you like this shawl delicately draped across my shoulder?
* Mick: bad news: we're out of Ninja Steel.
Levi: what's that purple block in your hand? grape gum?
Mick: my dentures.
* Mick: we're gonna have to remelt these old stars to make the new ones.
Hayley: why?
Chip Lynne: budget.
* Mick: haven't found a new source yet. but it's a big universe.
Carl Sagan: billions. a billion alternate dimensions...
Mick: Carl Sagan was the first Ranger...
* Redbot: fuck you, Sarah!
Sarah: i'm sorry.
Redbot: i was practicing for Hayley on you.
* Chip Lynne: wait, so are you saying Sarah's mom is to blame for the whole Super fiasco?
Sarah's mom: hey don't blame me. second seasons are often good, it's just the name that sucks. you should name every second season Power Rangers Sarah's Mom.
* Sarah: give me a high-five.
Mick: i never played sports. ever.
* skating on a roll of toilet paper. cool.
* Hayley: i have a child out of wedlock.
Calvin: you whore!
Brody: i'm just gonna take this star.
Redbot: that's the old star, you moron.
* Mick: ..................*hammer-throw*.....................
* Rangers: what's with the bigger bot enclosing our Zords giant robo?
Chip Lynne: *Johnny Manziel rubbing sign* toys, baby, toy sales. Christmas is a'comin'. i want to make my 100-dollar bills snow in the club.
* lawnmower man: i traded in my mower for these two vicious dogs. they help calm me down. they have bigger teeth than my lawnmower. i can't take leisurely sidewalk strolls down the neighborhood with my lawnmower.
* Sarah: a dead clock's right twice.
Sarah's mom: but i'm dead inside.
* Sarah: i'm sorry, mom.
Sarah's mom: i'm sorry, honey.
Sarah: i love you, mom.
Sarah's mom: i love you, Sarah.
Sarah: *baby talk* mom.............................who is my father?
* Mick: good news, bad news. good news, we found a meteor rich in Ninja Steel. bad news, it was just a macro shot of the buzzcam's booger.
* Victor: come to papa.
Madame Odius: don't mind if i do. these two idots will be my newest cabana boys.
Victor: NOOOOO!
Madame Odius: quit squirming.
Monty: my only dream has come true. i'm the sex slave to an alien cat!
* Chip Lynne: bad news: this is the last episode ever. we're ending the franchise on a cliffhanger.
* no mention of Sarah's mom in the description? for shame.
* i told you! this is the episode! (okay, so no Victor on the hoverboard)
* Preston: i call bike bitch!
* lawnmower man: your ass is grass...
* Sarah's mom: i made this machine that eats jellied toast and drinks for you. i am so lonely.
* Chip Lynne: Sarah's cheek messy with jelly and Sarah getting sprayed on? the night porn seems to have filtered into the day show.
* Force Fear: hello. i'm this week's villain. i'm a giant cute head.
* Force Fear: call me Pink Floyd. I have the Wall.
* Cosmo: do you know how much it costs to dry-clean this suit? the total combined salaries of at least three BasherBots!
* Transformers: Robots in Disguise 2015 junkyard in real life. i'm gonna miss that show...
* Mick: how do you two numbskulls know the location of the Rangers hideout?
Victor and Monty: Rangers?
* Monty: drat. the one time we actually put our two brains together and make something substantial for science, and it's gonna be mishandled by evil.
Victor: atom bomb, Monty, atom bomb.
* Sarah: not a gratuitous ass shot. Nickelodeon handles these things well.
* Sarah: mom, you're embarrassing me!
Sarah's mom: sorry, my accent is bleeding through. it's hard to stay American throughout.
Sarah: mom, you and i are gonna have a good relationship. cos i'm prettier than you.
* Sarah's mom: I know this is hard to believe, but i'm Tony Hawk's mom in real life.
* Calvin: you were a little hard on her out there weren't you?
Sarah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT
* Pink Floyd: there's only one way to defeat my Wall. shitloads and shitloads of psychotropic mushrooms.
* Madame Odius: sorry i've been away recently. i recently took up knitting. you like this shawl delicately draped across my shoulder?
* Mick: bad news: we're out of Ninja Steel.
Levi: what's that purple block in your hand? grape gum?
Mick: my dentures.
* Mick: we're gonna have to remelt these old stars to make the new ones.
Hayley: why?
Chip Lynne: budget.
* Mick: haven't found a new source yet. but it's a big universe.
Carl Sagan: billions. a billion alternate dimensions...
Mick: Carl Sagan was the first Ranger...
* Redbot: fuck you, Sarah!
Sarah: i'm sorry.
Redbot: i was practicing for Hayley on you.
* Chip Lynne: wait, so are you saying Sarah's mom is to blame for the whole Super fiasco?
Sarah's mom: hey don't blame me. second seasons are often good, it's just the name that sucks. you should name every second season Power Rangers Sarah's Mom.
* Sarah: give me a high-five.
Mick: i never played sports. ever.
* skating on a roll of toilet paper. cool.
* Hayley: i have a child out of wedlock.
Calvin: you whore!
Brody: i'm just gonna take this star.
Redbot: that's the old star, you moron.
* Mick: ..................*hammer-throw*.....................
* Rangers: what's with the bigger bot enclosing our Zords giant robo?
Chip Lynne: *Johnny Manziel rubbing sign* toys, baby, toy sales. Christmas is a'comin'. i want to make my 100-dollar bills snow in the club.
* lawnmower man: i traded in my mower for these two vicious dogs. they help calm me down. they have bigger teeth than my lawnmower. i can't take leisurely sidewalk strolls down the neighborhood with my lawnmower.
* Sarah: a dead clock's right twice.
Sarah's mom: but i'm dead inside.
* Sarah: i'm sorry, mom.
Sarah's mom: i'm sorry, honey.
Sarah: i love you, mom.
Sarah's mom: i love you, Sarah.
Sarah: *baby talk* mom.............................who is my father?
* Mick: good news, bad news. good news, we found a meteor rich in Ninja Steel. bad news, it was just a macro shot of the buzzcam's booger.
* Victor: come to papa.
Madame Odius: don't mind if i do. these two idots will be my newest cabana boys.
Victor: NOOOOO!
Madame Odius: quit squirming.
Monty: my only dream has come true. i'm the sex slave to an alien cat!
* Chip Lynne: bad news: this is the last episode ever. we're ending the franchise on a cliffhanger.
Justice League Action "It'll Take a Miracle!"
learned:
* fantastic. started off slow, ended great.
* Jack Kirby with the voiceover?
* Vegas strong
* Mister Miracle: i wonder if Houdini ever had nights like this?
* Batman: I AM CRISS ANGEL
* Miracle: hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque...
* note: Zatanna does not make an appearance. it was a messy Friday night with Paul Dini...
* cape code: don't tug another man's cape. at least not without his permission.
* Batman's favorite yoga pose: not doing yoga
* Miracle: Samus Aran's new morph-ball is this disco ball with fun searchlights. now you REALLY can't wait for the next Prime game.
* Miracle: Granny Goodness! you are strangely the only old bag who can pull off that spandex suit.
* Sia's "Chandelier" for the background music...if this show was more mainstream.
* Miracle: you know magic blades never have tips, right? no just-the-tip jokes, please.
* that's a nice butt.......on Granny
* Batman: so that's where Eddie Munster ran off to when he ran away from spooky mansion.
* Miracle: Entertainment...
Batman: i prefer Neil Hamburger.
* Lashina to clapping audience: come to mummy!
Lashina knows she has the better butt.
* Batman: i don't do show biz. i AM show biz. without me all you little lesser-known comics wouldn't exist!
* Miracle: you see, my dad Darkseid has a void in his life...
* Miracle: ...capable of destroying all sentient thought.
Batman: like the 2020 election.
* Miracle: Big Barda's my girlfriend! well, one of them. Samus is the other.
Batman: what's a girlfriend?
* Miracle: your chest seems stonier than usual.
Darkseid: it's my stony heart that worries me. it started to melt when i saw you again.
* Granny: i never played marbles as a kid. let me have this.
* Batman: are you from Hell or something?
Granny: i just like the heat. i winter in Florida.
* Big Barda: that's MY boyfriend!
Eddie Munster: what? i'm not gay.
Miracle: here, Eddie, take Batman's handcuffs. too kinky for me.
* Barda: keep your eyes peeled, folks, this is as close to romance as you're gonna get on this show. a sorta half-kiss.
Miracle: i don't need to tell you all that sex with Barda is INSANE
* Darkseid: WHAT IS THIS BALL?!!
Lashina: bath bomb.
* THE LORDS OF SYNTH
* fantastic. started off slow, ended great.
* Jack Kirby with the voiceover?
* Vegas strong
* Mister Miracle: i wonder if Houdini ever had nights like this?
* Batman: I AM CRISS ANGEL
* Miracle: hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque...
* note: Zatanna does not make an appearance. it was a messy Friday night with Paul Dini...
* cape code: don't tug another man's cape. at least not without his permission.
* Batman's favorite yoga pose: not doing yoga
* Miracle: Samus Aran's new morph-ball is this disco ball with fun searchlights. now you REALLY can't wait for the next Prime game.
* Miracle: Granny Goodness! you are strangely the only old bag who can pull off that spandex suit.
* Sia's "Chandelier" for the background music...if this show was more mainstream.
* Miracle: you know magic blades never have tips, right? no just-the-tip jokes, please.
* that's a nice butt.......on Granny
* Batman: so that's where Eddie Munster ran off to when he ran away from spooky mansion.
* Miracle: Entertainment...
Batman: i prefer Neil Hamburger.
* Lashina to clapping audience: come to mummy!
Lashina knows she has the better butt.
* Batman: i don't do show biz. i AM show biz. without me all you little lesser-known comics wouldn't exist!
* Miracle: you see, my dad Darkseid has a void in his life...
* Miracle: ...capable of destroying all sentient thought.
Batman: like the 2020 election.
* Miracle: Big Barda's my girlfriend! well, one of them. Samus is the other.
Batman: what's a girlfriend?
* Miracle: your chest seems stonier than usual.
Darkseid: it's my stony heart that worries me. it started to melt when i saw you again.
* Granny: i never played marbles as a kid. let me have this.
* Batman: are you from Hell or something?
Granny: i just like the heat. i winter in Florida.
* Big Barda: that's MY boyfriend!
Eddie Munster: what? i'm not gay.
Miracle: here, Eddie, take Batman's handcuffs. too kinky for me.
* Barda: keep your eyes peeled, folks, this is as close to romance as you're gonna get on this show. a sorta half-kiss.
Miracle: i don't need to tell you all that sex with Barda is INSANE
* Darkseid: WHAT IS THIS BALL?!!
Lashina: bath bomb.
* THE LORDS OF SYNTH
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