Degrassi "Finally" Episode Discussion

learned:

* finally it sorta ends.

* Alli (reading): "Backwoods Bhandari is a slut. Jenna got knocked up and is never around. Connor's some weird kid nobody knows how to talk to. Simpson secretly wants to get with me, we both imagined it. and don't get me started on Eli, i'm deathly afraid of goths, they're like clowns to me. parents just don't understand and my sister went missing years ago without a trace."
Clare (takes her book back): that's why you don't read diaries.

* Miles (jumps in the pool): that's one small step for rich boy, one giant leap for ruining Zoemund.
Winston: Lance Armstrong, right?
Arlene: haha you dumb.

* Drew: will you go to prom with me?
Becky: nice promposal. it's a yes for now but fair warning i just inhaled a massive cloud of pot smoke.

* Becky: OMG here we are! we're the best of friends! i'm so excited!
Imogen: why was i here this whole time? why didn't i run away with Fiona? why didn't they make cool 3-minute webisodes of Fimogen fucking in Paris?
Becky: there's always Jack.
Imogen: who's Jack?

* Dallas: so i kinda screwed up the years, but next year's prom is gonna be bomb.
Alli: but you're MY dumb jock.

* Hunter: i challenge you to a duel.
Miles: so that's why you've been glued to your screen, you were looking up martial arts.
Hunter: mostly cartoon porn but a little martial arts, too.

* Mama Torres: son, i know my milf powers are irresistible and i make a mean manwich, but this is pathetic. you need to get out more, join a club or something.
Drew: i have joined a club, mom, but i can't talk about it.

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* Connor: these priest burgers taste like ass.
Becky: love 'em.

* Jack: yeah i don't do novelty dances. i don't dance at all. that whole ballet thing has been written out of my character.

Imogen: what did you say your name was again? wait, why am i here again? 

* Dallas: hey did you two ever, y'know?

Imogen and Becky: what?

Dallas: wanna get with me? you know, a Nicki Minaj tree?

* Clare: Simpson! make your pep talk quick, i'm gonna have to report you soon.

Simpson: Pill's a pill. i worked on that one in the mirror all morning. hey you'll find your way, it's scary but remember: life is nothingness. i'm gonna be at a school in Kenya.

Clare: that's fantastic, Mr. Simpson, you'll make a fine principal over there.

Simpson: no i'm gonna be the janitor.

* Armstrong: and now the graduating class! (polite applause) as you have heard, all of our students are quite accomplished and will go on to do great things. all except Clare. Clare Edwards has decided to be a bum.

* Imogen and Becky are shouting loudly and doing the conga dance.

Becky: CONGA CONGA CONGA CONGA

the ghost of Cam: please stop, i can't hear myself think up here.

* Eli: so what is the fate of Clare Edwards?
Clare: beach bum/surfing champion.
Eli: i'll wait for you forever, my love. here, i went to the bakery and got you an eclair.
Clare: Goldsworthy you got me pregnant again. food baby.

* summer vacation starts in two days! the Scooby van is gassed up and ready to go!

* Degrassi: it's like the mafia...

Degrassi "The Kids Aren't Alright, Part Two" Episode Discussion

learned:

* don't worry, they're gonna be. Parte Dos.

* the TARDIS appears and lands on the Captain Who set...

* Zoe: what's the matter? am I making you excited?
Winston: yes, I get a nervous stomach.
Zoe: wow, and I thought I had a magic school butt.
Winston: that's Magic School Bus.

* Zig: what's with the blue hair, brah?
punk in Damon's gang: new Dragon Ball series.

* Winston: I'm scared, Frankie.
Frankie: of us breaking up forever?
Winston (crying): no I'm speaking to you from this weird talking device with a metal coil. you have to insert coins into it, real coins, not bitcoin. there's a silver slot on the lower right corner of it that opens up and steals your soul after you use it.

* Damon: can I use your phone?
Becky: I had it destroyed. I do that every four months.

* Vince brings Zig red roses and beef-poutine pizza and gets arrested.
Vince: okay, I see how it is, Degrassi throwing me under the bus again, Vince the scapegoat. but before I go, let me just blow all your minds with this: I was the best actor you guys ever had. yeah I said it. where's Eclare at? I wanna compare notes wit 'em.

* Becky: Jonah, I can forgive the drugs and the lying and the false front and the guyliner. what I can't forgive is that your first thought when you heard the title of this episode was Fall Out Boy, not the Offspring.

* Zig: brah that's a rubber knife...
Tiny: shit I left the real one in my other gangsta pants. oh well. Fail. oh and blondie...
Maya: don't worry, I get things pointed at my face everyday.
Zig: gotta do one final thing.
Zig greets Damon at the hospital with burgers.
Damon: burgers? I wanted beef-poutine pizza. the gang war's back on.
Zig: haha very funny.
Damon: I'm serious. we're talkin' bout poutine, brah, Canadians don't play.

Degrassi "The Kids Aren't Alright, Part One" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Parte Uno

* Frankie: how did you know I have a nervous stomach?
Winston: I always see you popping antacid tablets into your mouth after we have sex.

* Becky: so um I'm suddenly into all things medical. I'm gonna be on Mighty Med next season.

* detective: that Adele Dazeem is one hot firecracker, huh?
Zig: ...
detective: do you know anything about this?
Zig: ...
detective: what do you know about this?
Zig: okay, I'll tell you..................Glom Gazingo.

* Frankie: I need to be sure. Lola, run towards Winston naked and see how he reacts. that'll prove if he's a cheater.
Shay: that'll only prove if he's straight.
Lola: run Lola run, I get it.

* Becky: I'm sorry I thought you stole the money. I need to be wary of my prejudices.
Damon: I did steal it. I'm that much of a thug. even with a catheter tied to me I'm still a badass.
Becky: what did you say your name was again?
Damon: Gibby.

* Becky: what are you doing with these drugs, Jonah? I thought you were Straight Edge.
Jonah: they're not for me, I only sell them.
Becky: k den

* Tiny: I'm scared, Zig. what do we do? run away?
 Zig: won't do any good, there are cameras everywhere.

Degrassi "Teen Age Riot" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Pill: Clare, these cameras help, they reduce nonreported crimes. oh, and that pink frilly lace chapless underwear you're wearing really isn't your style, honey.
Clare (steam coming out of her ears): okay, that's it! i'm bout to go Edward Snowden on your ass!!! where's my bat?!

* Vince: you a virgin?
Zig: quit busting my balls, boys.
Vince: if we don't no one else will *snicker snicker*. you have condoms?
Zig: why?
Vince: i like to make balloon animals.

* Winston: watch out, that last step is a doozy.
Frankie falls on her ass.
Frankie: why didn't you catch me? i thought you were a hero.
Winston: doesn't matter had sex.
Frankie: i can't believe i did the sex with you. what was i thinking? what did i ever see in you?
Winston: dunno but i am a hero to nerds the world over.

* Zig: what is this, an afterschool special?
Vince: sigh, Degrassi stopped being Skins a long time ago, kid. here, have some molly, forget your troubles.
Zig: thanks. OMG this couch is fucking beautiful.
Maya: Zig, we need to break up.
Zig: why? the drugs?
Maya: no, you jumped on that couch like Tom Cruise. i'll date a druggie but my mom says Scientology is a cult.

* Winston falls off the building stage set.
Frankie: see?
Winston: you were right, it's harder than it looks to navigate up there.
Frankie: plus i coated the bannisters with butter.

* Zig: so was it good for you?
Maya: it was FANTASTIC!!!
Zig: i beat my record cos i love you so much. i usually last about five seconds but it was ten this time. we did it, babe, we did the sex together.
Maya: I LOVE THE UNIVERSE!!!

* Hunter: whatcha doing, sis?
Frankie: eating my feelings.
Hunter: hey we all have our vices. mine is losing large blocks of time from my memory playing immersive video games.
Frankie: it's time to get through this. this is for all those girls and women out there trying to move on after a breakup.
Frankie throws out all her food in the trash.
Frankie: it's not wasting food when it's for a greater cause.

* shots ring out. Vince and Tiny hurriedly get back in the car.
Zig: what the fuck happened?!
Vince: just go, man, go!
Tiny: go go go!
Zig: why?!
Vince: i'm late for ballet!!!

Degrassi "I Wanna Be Adored" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Alli: but we even made novelty rubber cut-off ears that the prom patrons wear like a hat which squirt out fruit punch.

* Tristan: what should I put on my profile?

Zoe: say you're into rich good-looking guys with that devilish smile.

Tristan: okay I'm not that shallow but good sex is good sex.

Zoe: say you're sorry for being a bitch but maybe second time's the charm.

Tristan: what? if you wanted Miles's number you coulda just asked.

* Vince: do a song and dance for me, boy.
Zig does his campy musical showtune with the tear down his cheek and everything.
Vince: see? the initiation to get back into the gang wasn't that bad.
Zig: things sure have changed since last time.

* Tristan: I can't pretend anymore, it's more tiring than hiking trails.
Tristan's date: same. I'm more into cooking. you like sunchokes?
Tristan: nah I'm not into that kinky stuff.

* Clare: you brought me flowers? do just friends buy flowers for one another? I'm not sure.
Alli: the guy at the shop said yellow denotes friendship.
Clare: no, it denotes hot and sweaty sapphic scissoring, let's do this! let's go, right here on the kitchen counter.

* Maya: what's that I heard in the background? sounded like someone yelling "POLICE!"
Zig: nah that was just the pizza guy saying "CHEESE". we're setting up for the next scene. we gotta pay the rent somehow. at least it's not drugs.

* Zig: I can't believe you guys dragged me back into the white-stuff trade.
Vince: if we don't move these baggies of flour, no pizza gets made in the entire city. you wanna know the secret? put the cheese in the dough BEFORE you bake it...

Degrassi "Give Me One Reason" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Hunter: Arlene, you're my bitch!
Arlene storms off.
Imogen: um, that's not how you talk to girls.
Hunter: it's not? oh, my father's not the best guide...you're lucky you're cute, Arlene, cos your weird baby voice is making my ears bleed...better?

* Clare: if I was worthy then I'm worthy now.
Eli: you're Goldsworthy........sorry just trying to lighten the mood........so do you want to get married?

* Tiny: you kissed her mom? brofist, bro. wait, I never knew you were into those types?
Zig: what types? milfs?
Tiny: no, women who need a...to walk around...
Tiny looks at Grace. Grace stares back at Tiny disapprovingly.
Tiny: uh, never mind.

* Eli: I may like dead grapes, Clare, but at least I don't like dead animal carcass.
clerk at the front counter: do you two lovebirds want some Baby Ruths?
Eli: dude...

* Maya: but where will you live now?
Zig: Zoe's.

* Hunter: manga!
Arlene: Murica!
Hunter: manga!
Arlene: Murica!
Hunter: why did our useless squabble have to let all the air out of the balloon after we witnessed that sublime performance from Aislinn and Munro, our two most gifted actors?
Arlene: IKR? those two are drama pros, I was sitting up here watching them and just marveling. we may be fellow castmates but we're also fans. I want Munro's autograph, he's hot....oh but you're still my best friend.
Hunter: so I've just been friendzoned?
Arlene: no you've just been best-friendzoned.

Degrassi "Get It Together" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Jonah: I'm Straight Edge.

Becky: Get Thee Behind Me Satan.

* Jonah: oh no, please tell me that isn't porn.
Becky: it's worse, it's the Kama Sutra, it's another religion!

* Clare gets blasted with the water gun.
Eli: that's not water..................it's sparkling water.

* Tristan: you stole my boyfriend, you bitch.
Maya: sorry, I'm a little loopy.
Tristan: alright, I guess I forgive you.
Maya: can i be your bitch again?
Tristan: yeah, we cool.
Maya: wait, did you do this just so you could fuck Zig?

* Imogen: let's do a little word association. Meatspin.
Becky: yep, I saw their website. cute little bistro. delicious roast beef with gravy on there.
Imogen: Goatse.
Becky: the internet gives three people as the Greatest of All Time: Tiger Woods, Federer, and Drake.
Imogen: 2 Girls 1 Cup.
Becky: oh no no no no, sporty lesbians aren't my thing.

* Becky: mom, I'm having urges. can I just quickly leaf through one of your Playgirls and be done with it?
Becky's mom: no no, we must do this right. when we get home, it's some good ol' Aquinas for you, young lady. Chapter 1: Concupiscence.

* Eli: pirate?
Clare: promotes violence.
Eli: ninja?
Clare: promotes secrecy.
Eli: fireman?
Clare: too dangerous.
Eli: cop?
Clare's eyes dart, she looks down and shakes her head.

* Eli: Doc why you have Beats By Dre headphones on?
doctor: I'm afraid this is serious. the writers have decided to make Clare their whipping girl. they want to see how many crises they can give her before she's declared clinically insane.

Degrassi "Walking In My Shoes" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Zoe: I don't know if you've noticed but I've got a great ass.

lawyer: I have noticed. many times. but that's not the sort of thing you should be saying when you go to prison.

* Zoe: this lunchlady getup is so not fetch but at least I can use the hairnet for stockings later tonight at the club.
Tristan smells Zoe.
Zoe: I know, I smell like fish.
Tristan: that's not fish. are you fucking Miles again?

* Lola: the writers are making me smart this episode for some reason. I'm a math whiz.
Frankie: cute tutor?
Lola: of course, that's the only thing that motivates teen girls to do anything. we're so lucky to have Justin Bieber teaching us AP Physics this year.

* Zoe hands a phone wrapped in two sandwich buns to Maya. Maya eats the phone sandwich whole.

* Pill: do you not see the 1984 cameras everywhere? I'm disappointed in you, Zoe, I see a lot of me in you when I was your age.
Zoe: a lot of misdirected energy and untapped potential and latent intelligence and the possibility of becoming valedictorian if I do my homework?
Pill: no, being a giant b.

* Jack: I don't know where we went wrong, I thought we had lesbian telepathy.
Imogen: we do.
Jack: okay then what am I thinking right now?
Imogen: don't know but I know what your mom is thinking right now cos she's a lesbian...

* Lola: my stomach is sick.
Frankie: maybe there's something on your conscience?
Lola throws up all over the hallowed Degrassi school halls.
Lola: nah, I just ate one of Zoe's cafeteria phone sandwiches. oh and I kissed Winston.

* Chewy: Frankie, I kissed Lola but it's not what you think.
Frankie: wow, you're really a much better actor when you use that low, breathy, whispery sexy voice.

* Miles: got any nail-polish remover?
Zoe: in my backpocket where my hot ass is. how do you do it, Miles? isn't bring a loner lonely?
Miles: I'm rich, I can afford to be a recluse. I also smoke a ton of weed.
Zoe: let me guess, the nail-polish remover is for the gum?
Miles: for me actually. they were gonna do this plotline where I turn goth but scrapped it at the last minute going to Family Channel so now my fingernails are black for no reason.

Degrassi "Wishlist" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Frankie: Boyfriend, why are you dressed like a hobo at my Gatsby party?
Chewy: i thought this was supposed to be 1929 after the Stock Market Crash. wanna split a fish i cooked over a dumpster fire?

* Frankie's mom: he's still your father.
Frankie: do we know that for sure?
Hunter: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY

* Maya: i wonder why i don't have any girlfriends.
Maya's mother: cos you're not a lesbian.

* Frankie: okay "dad", gimme a pony. all girls want a pony.
Lola: i wanted a plastic pony figure. i used it to give me pleasure.
Frankie: you don't mean....?
Lola: yeah, i love making my younger brother smile. i gave it to him as a gift. he's a brony now, lives in a van down by the river.

* Damon: why don't you broads kiss?
Imogen kicks him in the nuts.
Damon: haha, no damage, i'm wearing a cup. the writers have made me a smart fat gangsta wannabe wigger bully with a cool backpack. my character is essentially insufferable.
Imogen sends Damon flying into the next county with her teleportation.
Imogen: that's the lesson to all you bullied kids out there: ignoring bullies doesn't work. standing up to bullies just empowers them. the only way to get rid of bullies is to get yourself a superpower.

* Frankie: Winston, haven't you ever tried Montreal-style bagels? you're Canadian, right?
Chewy: i've never had any sort of bread in my life, been too busy helming this musical.
pilot: okay i'll fly you to Paris for a favor.
Chewy: bruh, i'm standing right here, she's my girlfriend.
pilot: no, pick me up some real French cronuts, would ya?
Chewy: cronuts are disgusting.

* Jack's mom: who's this gorgeous young lady?
Imogen: hello, i'm your daughter's girlfrien---
Jack: ROOMMATE

* Maya: this is gonna be awesome, Bestie!
Zig: IKR? we'll get our hairs done and our nails did, we'll read bubblegum teen magazines, take their quizzes, get bloated off rocky road ice cream, spa days, bridge with the bluehairs, gossip about who has the cuter husband and why they stay out so late all the time on their business trips, little nip/tuck, fret over a broken nail, manipedis in our bikinis, poolside sunbathing, salivate over all the Taylors, moan about our box gaps, Mind The Thigh Gap, amiright?
Maya: i'm all for masculinity in 2015 and gender fluidity, but this is just weird.

* Frankie's dad: you don't understand, Daughter, the Power was intoxicating, it corrupted me, turning me into your standard politician, it infected my senses, my moral compass went out the window, it controlled me like a parasite, blinding me to my family, to my humanity.
Frankie: okay, let's give this one more try. hey, what's that you're hiding behind your back?
Frankie's dad: it's the Power Sword. I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frankie's dad turns into He-Man.
Frankie's dad: oh come on, you had to know i was He-Man, look at my flowing gold locks.

Degrassi "Ready Or Not" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Tiny: time for my sponge bath, nurse! i should get stabbed more often.

* Maya: hey isn't that Damon asshole your friend? he does have a cool-looking backpack tho.

Zig: yeah. well he used to be. then he went bad. he went bad after being friends with me. i really rubbed off on him. i'm more badass than ever.

* Zig: what did you say, Hollingsworth?

Miles: i said your mother wears army boots or something. is it just me or is the acting bad this season?
Zig: us?
Miles: no, that Lola/Chewy hallway scene.
Zig: IKR? don't worry, we're awesome. okay, back to work.

Zig: don't mess with me, i'm badass, haven't you heard? i'll push you around, physically push you around if i have to. now if you'll excuse me, i have some musical singing to do.

* Grace: come on, Zig, let's go! it's time for you to perform your gang duties. kill or be killed! get angry!
Zig: didn't you tell me that such anger is poisonous?
Grace: i lied.
Zig: how do you seem to always know what's going on when nobody else does?
Grace: they lied to you. Principal Simpson isn't the Black Hole, I AM the Black Hole.

* Zig (crying): sorry but i really appreciate all you and your mother have done for me, Maya. you guys house me, feed me, give me sponge baths, even pick out my clothes for the day and leave them out on the bunk bed.
Maya: that's what just friends are for. hey, where are you going?
Zig (crying): sorry but i gotta go now bust a cap in someone's ass at the basketball courts. don't wait up for me.
Maya: in your pajamas?
Zig (crying): you're right, let me finish up this hot cocoa first.

* Eli: Clare i love you. i'll always be there for you. for the rest of my life.
Clare: remember when you called me a ho?

* Maya's mother: what happened? they took the TV?!!!!! now how i'm gonna watch my favorite show Skins?
Maya: Zig, does this have to do with what we talked about earlier?
Zig: no it has to do with gangs, not sponge baths.
Zig picks up and hides the black bandana in his pocket.
Maya's mother: what was that black thing?
Zig: my lacy black panties. future storyline. tagline for this final season: Degrassi: Shit Finally Gets Real.

Degrassi "Watch Out Now" Episode Discussion

learned:

* NO NO NO NO MORE BREAK MORE BREAK

* Degrassi, i just don't know. do i ultimately love the show or do i resent it? is it as good as it used to be? is that a fair question? nothing is ever as good as it used to be. should it have ended after the first generation? they said the same thing about Skins and look what happened. Skins should have ended after the second generation. is it unfair to constantly compare this show to Skins? yes it is, that sort of Skins quality comes around once in a generation, or the second one. and besides, Degrassi came first, back in the '80s when the show was still good.

* Degrassi, i just dunno. would it have been better just to end it cleanly, really end it, i mean like REALLY end it once and for all with none of this Netflix eternal perpetuity nonsense? i won't be following the show over to Netflix so this is my end...but it feels weird cos it's not really the end. i'll always have the niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach that i'm missing some mindblowing storyline going on over at Next Class that i'll never know about. it's Arrested Development all over again.

* Imogen: holy shit, where are we? when are we? remember when the school almost burned down? that was wild..........fire.
Becky: i'm still on this show? oh, okay. am i still the Christian? can i be the scientist? i can't get that image of the planet Pluto's broken heart outta my head.

* Becky: i love rules. without rules, you can't break the rules and rules are meant to be broken. it's sexier when it's a religious person like me breaking the rules. y'know, Aerosmith, Alicia Silverstone, Catholic schoolgirl uniform...
Jack: my character went nowhere, huh? anyway, um, here's some advice if you want to get Drew to do something for you: remember: Drew is a straight male. so, yeah, approach him buck naked and watch all your dreams come true.

* Drew: i've fucked every girl at this school and i never learn. every time a hot babe crosses my path i get this weird sensation in my body. what's wrong with me?
Drake: you're a dude, dude.

* new principal: they were gonna name me Tool. anyway, no PDA, no nothing, 1984, back when this show was good.
students: what happened to Simpson?
new principal: Principal Simpson isn't another victim of the Black Hole, Principal Simpson IS the Black Hole...

* Chewy: i'm the funny one. without jokes, i'm nothing.
Frankie: why'd you kiss Lola?
Chewy: dat ass
Frankie: now that's funny.
Chewy disappears in a puff of smoke.

* Chewy (up on stage on the mic): hey, so why did the chicken cross the road? never mind, hey, have you heard the one about the guy who was insulting a child online?

* hot Lamaze instructor: my beautiful pregnant goddesses, get out your mermaid crystals. no no no, you, gothboy, Eli is it? that's crack rock, get that outta here.

* Eli: so what, i can't look at you anymore? you're afraid you'll fall back in love with my handsome face?
Clare: exactly.
they kiss.
Clare: we're now having twins.