Spooksville "Oh Monster, My Monster" Episode Discussion

learned:

* HOMOnym

* i never got my driver's license because of my anxiety. i always thought i would drive off a cliff whenever i stepped behind the wheel of a car. i wasn't so much into probabilities and percentages of death as this driver's-ed instructor, but i did once turn into a demon or ghost or zombie or whatever it is he ultimately is from the fear. i don't see the problem, you do need emergency axe-murderer axes to cut down trees by the side of the road.

* bullies get no sympathy from me, they get what they deserve as far as i'm concerned. this is the real revenge of the nerds. i mean, imagine if everyone who got picked on in school was able to counteract with a fucking Frankenstein monster. the nerds could finally avoid suicide and live in peace to cure cancer. the bullies, already adept at cyberbullying, grow up to become internet coders. everyone wins.

* referencing Young Frankenstein always wins.

* Watch: look at this picture of my dad. he looks exactly like me.
Frankenstein monster: *grunt*
Sally: that's because that's YOU in that picture.

* the bully obviously doesn't play football. head on a swivel, champ, look out for those dang trees.

* Watch: so, Sally, what do you say now? weren't you impressed with how i stood up for myself?
Sally: yeah, yeah, i can see it now. you're sexy.
Watch: so, dinner tonight at 6?
Sally: no, Adam got his license and he has a car, so it's basically gonna be like rabbits from now on...

* Frankenstein monster: flower? flo-wer. flower.
Watch (crying): yes, friend, flower. now with this GPS, you will be led to a woman version of yourself. repeat after me: deflower, de-flo-wer.

Degrassi "Sparks Will Fly, Part 2" Episode Discussion

learned:

* is there really such a thing as a confident suicide?

* *pan to the tits*...

* Eli: we broke up over text?! Eclare, us, the most epic romance in Degrassi history. come on, writers, this at least deserves a confident suicide.

* ghosts of Cam: Maya FINALLY references Cam, and the "fight" takes place in the greenhouse.

* black guy: yeah, beat his ass, Zig!
Zig: you aren't gonna help me?
black guy: no, I'm just gonna stay out of it and give you encouragement from the sidelines, going against type.

* black guy: bro, you tricked my man Zig with a toy gun?
Miles: what of it? I'm rich.
black guy: that's humiliating, man. whatcha gonna do next, piss on him and tell him it's raining?
Miles: oh, before I forget: my man?
black guy: it's not like that...

* 1 MILLION DOLLAR REWARD FOR THE LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS OF JIMMY BROOKS

* this summer: Chewy comes, Miles drains his pool, Maya gets fat off ice cream, so does Zig, Eli does not renew his contract, Clare gets left back, Alli cures cancer.......Leo's cancer, Dallas becomes a Dallas Cowboy replacing Romo, Cam takes over Simpson's body in the very special Halloween episode, Bianca and Zoe do each others' hair, Drew can't do MMA so he wrestles alligators.

Spooksville "Gnome Alone" Episode Discussion

learned:

* the two most beautiful words in the English language: Sally-centric.

* Sally's mom: take care of my babies, girl!
Sally: mom, I thought I was your baby.
Sally's mom: it's the gnomes, the dog, then you.

* Sally: let's see what I find on the internet here. *typing* okay, I've come across a page where there's a list of films the writer of this episode used as inspiration. let's see here, we've got Home Alone of course, Gremlins, the Weeping Angels of Doctor Who.........wait, JLaw is dating who? Macaulay Culkin is where now? focus, Sally, focus.

* you do not want to know what the gnome in Sally's shower was doing...

* Sally: I've taken down girls with bigger thighs than you in hockey. you don't believe me, gnomes? check out my ass in these tight pink pants...

* Sally: Adam! Watch! the gnomes are tossing vegetables at us! hurry! get inside!
Watch: tossed salad, perfect, I'm hungry.

* yeah, lawn gnomes just aren't scary. a bit more than fog, but just a bit more.

Degrassi "Sparks Will Fly, Part 1" Episode Discussion

learned:

* oh no, the writers turned bad again! or lazy or disinterested or rushed or had to catch up on instagram.

* I did like the chlamydia sign in the background during the Maya Miles Zig triangle...

* Clare: bullshit! take the bull by the horns! rat! did we cover them all?
Alli and Drew: I think so.
Clare: I don't get Eli. he doesn't like my massive tits anymore?
Alli and Drew: not all the way in New York. until Skype gets smell-o-vision, this is gonna be hard.
Drew: that's what she said...

* sleazy director: that's it, use your rape, milk that rape for all the emotion it's worth.
Zoe: is this gonna help me become a better Method Actor?
sleazy director: no, but it'll help secure my first three-picture deal.

* Zoe: later, nerds, the bitch is back!
Alli: Holly J?

* next week: Zig and Miles go to a motel. Alli's dad is a closet racist. Dallas is Drake's cousin. Eli officially leaves goth and declares as hipster. Maya dresses her age. Clare is The Exterminator. Zoe returns to the set of Clue. Principal Simpson created the Black Hole 100 years ago to combat writer's block...

Saturday Night Live Seth Rogen / Ed Sheeran Episode Discussion

learned:

* CNN Breaking News pregnancy: when you can't talk about the delicate issue of locating planes...

* steakhouse: this was real-life anime fanservice of Aidy's bodacious bosom. it's good to be the host.

* awwwwww, puppy. i had to calm a crying dog through the fence at my house earlier that night, so i feel ya. don't scream, it's upsetting the puppy. awwwwww, puppy wuppy.

* Ed Sheeran: okay, so for centuries i had heard about this bloke. everyone on the internets was singing his praises. but this was the first time i actually properly sat down (i was lying down in fact) and heard him, studied him. i must say, this is not what i expected. i liked it, but it was weird. it was weird that i liked it. i liked it 'cause it was weird. his music is...tough to define, which i'm sure he loves. it's awkward, offbeat singer-songwriter. it's elevated elevator music mixed with white-boy raps and a reggae beat. his fully-formed songs seem like outtakes at first, first attempts, discards, but no, they turn around in the end.

* the skit about the dude at his engagement party who had one gay experience: talk about cruel. they trot Nasim out there but don't give her any lines! see below.

* speaking of above, semen yogurt: you just wonder what Aidy is gonna do with all that cum. better yet, trot Nasim out there and have her...

* goodnights: notice how Ed Sheeran doesn't give Taylor Swift a long hug. good lad. he knows the deal. he knows what's up. don't add Taylor's name to your already-perfect colorful tats.

Spooksville "Fathers and Sons" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Watch: I hate the dude my mom is dating.
Adam: that's racist.
Watch: no, it's not because he's black, it's because he has a hook for a hand.
Adam: I thought it was because he's trying to replace your father.
Watch: no, I just really hate Peter Pan.

* omg, those poor dead cougars are infected with digitally-added flies.

* Watch: omg, it's fucking Bigfoot!
Adam: I know, but we must remain calm. do you have any beef jerky? do you have a Snickers bar?

* the Mayor: you're not Adam's mom, you're...you're...get away, get away, get away from me, go away!
Adam's mom: I'm what? a demon? a witch?
Sally: no, he thinks you're his ex.

* Adam: how did you know what would trap the "grizzly", Watch MacGyver?
Watch: I saw her at a rave a week ago. hence, the laser cage.

Law & Order SVU "Beast's Obsession" Episode Discussion

learned:

* LL Cool Lewis: the ladies love Lewis, they bake him stuff, keep him company, even learn the mandolin for him.

* Lewis: hi, Liv, long time no see.
Liv: Lewis, what are you doing on my phone?
Lewis: oh, this was only a test to see if my phone connection was solid. is the picture coming in crisp? do you see me clearly?
Liv: yes.
Lewis: okay then, thanks but gotta go, my minutes are up.

* yes, yes, yes, everyone is in agreement: the Irish cop should take over permanently, he treated Liv like she was a rookie, it was fascinating to watch.

* did anyone else get Batman vibes seeing that Roosevelt Island tram?

* Liv steals the dude's car.
dude: hey lady, are you crazy?!
Liv: don't answer that...

* none of this would have happened if Liv had killed Lewis before..........but that's exactly what Lewis wants.

Degrassi "Everything Is Everything" Episode Discussion

learned:

* everything is everything: Reali from Around the Horn in the hizzy.

* do my eyes deceive? this is a good episode. the writing is crisp and not cliche. the writers are *gulp* TRYING with this one!

* Alli's dad: Mr. Dallas, you were there when Alli was in her uppers phase.
Dallas: yes sir.
Alli's dad: but tell me, son, her mother and I are still baffled, were you there when my daughter suddenly became a card shark?

* that scene of spilling guts between Clare and Drew was very confessional and very different with the strange awkward closeups and the two principles conversing with a table between them. quick cuts. clearly, the writers were binging on indie films during this period.

* creepy teacher: have you heard the one about the monk and the nun who wrote love letters to each other?
Tristan: no, I don't go to the weird part of youtube.

* Alli's dad: it's not if you should fight, it's how.
Dallas: so you're saying I should become a black militant? I'm all for that actually. have they done a Black Panther storyline at Degrassi yet?

* Alli's dad with the cockblock. also: big-ass trophy.

* when Drew said the line "it won't" when the girl asked him if he and Clare would work out, that was such a Skins line, wasn't it? that was second-level stuff, second-tier advanced writing. there wasn't a trace of Degrassi on that line. clearly, the writers were marathoning Skins season 1 during this period.

Saturday Night Live Anna Kendrick / Pharrell Episode Discussion

learned:

* cold open: Live-From-New-York! interruptus. I'd have to do my research, but I wonder how many times the person who was gonna say the infamous catchphrase was interrupted. I'm too lazy and tired right now to do the research.

* opening host monologue:  I never realized how hot Anna Kendrick was. yes, I'm referring to her nipples.

* Anna Kendrick sure can sing...badly...on purpose.

* Dongs: Kate McKinnon is a really great actress...

* guys, women find confident men sexy, so don't let anything get in your way. look past all the food and the underwear poo and that she's fucking another guy and just go for it, open your mouth, and ask her out.

* Pharrell: Michael Jackson is still alive...

Spooksville "Blood Drive" Episode Discussion

learned:

* it's okay to be bossy and opinionated as long as you're cute.

* the principal may be a vampire hunter, but it is truly badass to wear pencils as bunny ears on top of your head and still command the respect of your students.

* Sally: Adam, I want to bite you.
Adam: I knew you were kinky.
Sally: no, it's not like that. I mean, it is like that, but it's not. I want to drink your blood.
Adam: sorry, but that's just gross.
Sally: I smell something on you, Watch.
Watch: I have to use this specific brand of Sesame Street shampoo to avoid split ends.
Sally: no, it's something else...
Watch: I also have eczema, lice, dandruff...
Sally: *shakes her head*
Watch:...acne, irritable bowel, schizophrenia...

* Adam: there's not just holy water in these spray bottles, I went to the bathroom before...

* Sally looks HOT as a vampire........and so does Watch!

* principal: be gone, foul demon! die, vampire, die! yes! I turned you into coffee grounds!

Law & Order SVU "Downloaded Child" Episode Discussion

learned:

* Liv: apparently i forgive you for liking that rape-joke comic.
Cassidy: i don't grow old.

* Liv: i do my job, you do yours!
Rollins: dude, what is your deal?!
Liv: i...just...don't like blondes.
Rollins: but this is a dye job.

* Liv: i won't tell you about Lewis because i don't want to dredge up those powerful emotions.
Cassidy: i don't grow old.
Liv: are you even listening to me?
Cassidy: tell me about Lewis.
Liv: *chugs wine*

* a ton of money won't solve one's problems, but it sure as hell helps...

* Liv: don't you want to grow old together?
Cassidy: i don't grow old.
Liv: don't you want to have kids with me?
Cassidy: Liv, will you marry me? i mean, i don't know what this scene is...um, i love you forever.
Liv: okay. so, wait, did we just break up?

* how is this gonna work? after next week, there are 2 more episodes left in the season, supposedly. so, is this show gonna end before May sweeps?

Degrassi "Army of Me" Episode Discussion

learned:

* "Army of Me": the word genius is thrown around much too much, but Bjork truly is one, and this is one of her best songs and videos.

* without his pearly whites, Tristan has no identity...

* "okay, time for me to round up all the blacks, I mean, all the suspects. don't sass me, I'm the law."

* Clare: she doesn't have a profile pic because she wants you to fall in love with her mind.
Drew: or she's ugly.
Clare: *takes off her blouse* do these puppies look ugly to you?
Drew: what are you doing?!
Clare: as Connor would say, flashing you my ample bosom.

* could the new teach be any more creepy? jumping on tables, secret clubs, offering to drive students wherever, meetings out in the middle of the LARPing woods, he's the predator version of that Robin Williams Captain teacher.

* "you will rue the day you prevented me from getting to science! Neil deGrasse Tyson is my uncle!"

* Dallas: Connor, open your eyes! these cops are racist! they're messing with us simply because we're black!
Connor: could that be true?
Dallas: we're two black guys, aren't we?
Connor: I suppose. I self-identify as nerd, not black, at least I did before my makeover. now I have no idea who I am.

* jock block? n to the o? can't wait 'til next week...