Power Rangers Ninja Steel "Poisonous Plots"

learned:

* my screen just went blank...

* kid Aiden: i saw Dad turn into a Power Ranger! the only catch was he was the Pink Ranger.

* Aiden's dad: i am here to protect.............my cool green long-buggy car with the '60s peace stickers from evil like you!

* Aiden: i boarded a train after seeing the film Lion...

* Mick: the Ranger hideout is off-limits.
Aiden: why?
Mick: that's where i keep my personal computer.
Brody: embarrassing cat videos?
Mick: my embarrassing neko-girl porn videos.

* Sarah: scarecrow?
Calvin: you ugly.

* Hayley: stop, bitch!
Aiden: what's the matter? can't take the heat?!
Levi: no, i can't take the weird sudden mood-whiplash of your character.

* Hayley: your chocolate pyramid looks like a huge pile of smelly poo.
Levi: sorry, that's mine. i'm still new around this school, where are the bathrooms?

* Monty: with this glue...
Victor: you're a gluesniffer, too?

* Victor: you stupid mall cops couldn't hear my cries for help!!?
security guard: sorry. had my headphones on. Kendrick speaks to my struggle. we both like Grey Poupon. what is your plea?
Victor: EAT ME OUT!!!

* Toxitea: why are my boobs a tea kettle?
Madame Odius: you exist to serve me..............tea.
Toxitea: you said i could meet Lex Luthor...

* Mick: okay, put him on the silver table, i'm almost done scrubbing my porn files.
Aiden: you need to give up your power stars.
Preston: we can't, babe, one life for the lives of millions?
Aiden: but this is Brody. he's a national treasure. he's the greatest actor of his generation.

* Monty: what were you two doing in here alone?
Levi: poo-pourri.

* Brody: this tea tastes like purple drank...

* Toxitea: joke's on you! i'm a girl, chocolate invigorates me!

* Brody: i like how you treat your sword like a guitar.
Levi: this is my guitar.
Brody: why does an adult like you have a burger phone?
Levi: i literally thought this was the only phone which did selfies.

* Toxitea: this is your last chance! before i charge you an exorbitant price for hot salad water!

* Hayley: Aiden we need to apologize.
Aiden: no worries, i know the chocolate is Levi's shit.
Sarah: this chocolate is so good!
Hayley: no about prejudging you this morning.
Aiden: all of this took place in one day?

* Victor: there is nothing, and i mean nothing, scarier than a bunch of kids running towards you.

* Madame Odius: why you laughing?
Aiden: cos i'm a secretly-evil double-agent!
Madame Odius: that's not why i created you. you're my cabana boy. fetch me my tea.

Justice League Action "Best Day Ever"

learned:

* Best Episode Ever? too early to tell, like the hurricane or my poor aching stretched-out bad back.

* filler episode........sorry no i mean what's it called when the entire cast of characters is featured? full episode

* security guard: what are you doing here, Flash?
the Flash: well mall cop, i get bored easily. i do everything in a flash. i've already lived my life and know how i'm gonna die.

* Joker: SELFIE!!!
Flash: make sure to tag me. if you don't i'll know you're a bad guy.

* Lex Luthor: Karen? are you Power Girl?
Karen: girl power fuck yeah!!!

* Lex Luthor: don't worry, i'd never actually use the bomb. i built it with a countdown clock of deactivation, watch the end of the episode.

* Joker: not laughing gas, this party horn's just old and dusty.

* Joker: kiss me.
Lex: no.
Joker: hug me.
Lex: okay.

* Joker: Mother Box.
Lex: speaking of, you interrupted prison movie night. we were watching Monster in a Box.

* Joker: the rubber ducky is a coincidence. not competing with DuckTales on another network.
Lex: Paradise Island?
Wonder Woman: yeah you're up for a sequel? that was by far our most popular episode.
Lex: lunatic.
Joker: i do enjoy the moon. i danced naked during the Eclipse.

* Joker: what are the two sweetest words in the English language?
Lex: vamanos, vato.

* Superman: hey you guys wanna go bowling?
Flash: it could make for an interesting episode.
Batman: we need a comic-relief episode, this season's been dark.
Superman: i'll see if Sportsmaster is busy.
Wonder Woman: and of course Space Cabbie.

* cat: i would never work for the Man like that. i just don't give a fuck.

* Wonder Woman: you guys and your dogs. it's kinda adorable.
Flash: i'm a dog in bed.
Wonder Woman: you calling me a bitch?

* Joker: it's just NASCAR. no one cares.

* Lex: i am especially taken with the piece of Conan O'Brien's large head.
Joker: what piece will you be taking this afternoon?
Lex: hey don't defile that classic!
Joker: what? it's Edvard Munch's birthday.

* Joker: Lex?
Lex: Earl Grey, hot.
Joker: toys?
pimply-faced teenager: space rocket or sunshine unicorn.
Joker: no i meant how many toys must we sell to keep this show on the air?
pimply-faced teenager: want a Unicorn Frappuccino?
Joker: fuck that sour swill.

* Joker: you a birdwatcher?
Lex: Wonder Woman's a babe, Zatanna's a babe...

* Lex: old tub?
Joker: i don't do bath bombs.

* Superman: can i have your war suit when you're done with it?

* Batman: you have a hot upper back, Diana.
Wonder Woman: what?

* Joker: where'd you get the Kryptonite?
Lex: the U.S. Government. it was in a bag. the nuclear football was left on the street by a yuge tower.

* Joker: i'm the top! *maniacal cackling*
Lex: KAREN, PLEASE!!! before you go and leave me with this madman forever! one devil's threesome!

* the entire cast lock shoulders and sing "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed.

* my butt hurts. it's not even noon and i'm already on my Coke. this is not good.

Power Rangers Ninja Steel "The Ranger Ribbon"

learned:

* tie one on

* Rangers: where are you taking us, Preston?
Preston: into the woods...

* Hayley: Cal and i put one up on our anniversary.
Calvin: i was drunk.

* Preston: we're all together! we're all happy!
Redbot: remember me? you forgot me.

* man with chainsaw: fuck you!
scary man with hacksaw: remember me when you watch the protest scene, i play the old hippie with the gray beard.

* Preston's dad: this is my first acting job.

* Preston's dad: we're chopping down this tree to make room for a building!
Sarah: NEVER!!!
Preston's dad: it's a mall.
Sarah: okay.

* Preston's dad: you can tell i'm big-time from my suit, shades, and limo phone.
Victor and Monty: Bulk and Skull never did anything like this.

* Calvin: i'm a fucking flying squirrel in a tree!

* not the best idea to use a hose.

* Cosmo: introducing......Trapsaw!
Trapsaw: i love traps!
Cosmo: did you fuck Daphne Blake?

* Preston's dad: where do you think firewood comes from?
Preston: fire?
Preston's dad: and where does fire come from?
Preston: the snap of my fingers. i'm a magician.
Preston's dad: your mother would be ashamed of you.
Preston: i look like you, i look nothing like mom. just sayin'.

* Levi: i remember this place. it was a restaurant. the hot dogs were great.
Sarah: maybe your memory's getting a bit rusty there, pardner, you are getting old. i think you meant hamburger like your hamburger phone.
Levi: no hamburger like that ridiculously juicy ass of yours.

* Ripcon: i fought you when you were just a kid. and won!
Brody: that's pathetic.
Ripcon: *sigh* i know. i only bring it up cos it's my only victory to date.

* Sarah: where is everybody? i don't get it, we put up flyers everywhere.
Hayley: people were yelling at me. they were telling me that Power Rangers died with MMPR.

* Preston's dad: I'LL TEAR DOWN THIS TREE MYSELF!!!
Preston's dad picks up the chainsaw but it's too heavy.

* Preston: see, dad? the tree is magic.
Preston's dad: sorry, son. i just miss your mother so much.
Preston: i don't remember having a mother but hug me anyway.
Preston's dad: is it weird that the episode is already resolved halfway through?

* Preston's dad: you're so brave, son.
Preston: i'm a Power Ranger. whoops.
Preston's dad: you're gonna make me a LOT of money, kid!

* Sarah: come into my hole.

* Trapsaw: speaking of, you think the next season of The Simpsons will be any good?

* wolf zord to red robot: hey, don't try to walk me, buddy.

* Madame Odius: hello, fans. i am the only hope this season will be the slightest bit interesting.

* Preston: i was captivated by your performance. but you look more like my uncle than my dad.
Preston's dad: my name is Marcus by the way.

* Aiden: i'm your brother.
Brody: you look nothing like me. *hugs*

* Sarah: i'm holding a drill. don't worry about it.

Justice League Action "Booray for Bizarro"

learned:

* is it booray or boo-ray? or bourre the card game? or bourree the dance? whatever it is, make it blu-ray.

* Batman: PARIS CAN WAIT!!!

* Wonder Woman: the pyramids are a myth. everything's a myth. it's all just Las Vegas.

* The Flash: it's that easy, huh? y'know i can slow down in bed.

* Wonder Woman: miniature golf doesn't improve putting, it increases knowledge of geography.

* Amazo: i am Amazo. i wear green pasties on my pecs.

* Batman: isn't there a con you're missing?
Amazo: hey, these are my real ears! well i am a conman. the brilliant Professor Ivo may he rest in peace...
Batman: what happened to him?
Amazo: his comic book was discontinued after the rise in popularity of Space Cabbie.

* Amazo: what's Wonder Woman's number?

* Wonder Woman: you shouldn't have..............existed.
Bizarro: french fries best breath strips.
Wonder Woman: gotta go, big fella. trouble at the Watchtower.
Bizarro: Jimi Hendrix was a genius.

* Amazo: humor? now i know something's up, you never tell jokes.
Batman: that wasn't a joke. i never tell jokes. i'm serious all the time. it comes across as dry wit. you could tell i was bluffing. i would never play poker. i play bourre. poker is for chumps.

* Space Cabbie: mind your shoes, i'm gonna hurl.
Space Cabbie vomits on his own shoes.
Space Cabbie: never again, grilled-cheese dipped in cake, never again.

* Amazo: i must capture your mind as well, cos it's so fascinating.
Bizarro: i'm actually really smart. no one ever gave me a chance. no one ever got to know me.

* Superman: there's a code but you'll never solve it.
Space Cabbie: i'll get Jonathan Kington.

* Bizarro: me use ice vision to make ice cream cones..........even tho me don't have to eat.

* Space Cabbie: what a peashooter!..............uh oh, thinking about peas.....gonna hurl again...

* Bizarro: i am handsome. the goths online tell me so.

* Bizarro: you watch anime?
Space Cabbie: yes but i don't like to admit it out loud.
Bizarro: i'm really getting into DBZ Kai again. i can really relate to Fat Buu.

* Superman: have anything to tell me?
Wonder Woman: okay i fucked Bizarro but just once. call it a test-run.

* Bizarro: i can't stay still.
Batman: then i'm sorry, you're out of the League.
Bizarro: no i literally cannot keep still, i have a condition.
Martian Manhunter hands Bizarro a fidget spinner.
Martian Manhunter: here, son. the modern world is a scary place.

Power Rangers Ninja Steel "Rocking & Rolling"

learned:

* Power Rangers you say?

* concerts? concerts are so cliché. teenagers don't go to concerts anymore.

* why does there always have to be a "music episode"? i like music but still.

* Brody: world tour? how long are you gonna be gone for?
Levi Weston: until this Voltron franchise fades away.

* Levi: Mary! you're the writer's daughter, huh?
Mary nods.
Levi: love seeing writers with all the power on a production. let's take a selfie.
Mary eats the cheeseburger phone.

* Victor Vincent: we are backstage trash.
Monty: as long as the recycling message gets across.

* Hayley: why are we wearing trash bags?
Sarah: these are our new ninja suits. super-tight around the ass.

* Stonedozer: i don't care if i'm a one-shot, i will NOT pun rock and/or roll.

* Mary: he's hunky and talented and everything but he's no JoJo Siwa.

* one person not laughing at Victor and Monty crashing the stage was Britney Spears.

* Britney Spears: a little late there, security guard! delayed reaction for the camera.

* now we know why this episode was greatly delayed. it was way way way too soon for a long time after the Ariana concert. R.I.P. never forget. the real world is insane, that's why i live in television.

* Power Rangers: come with us to safety, Mr. Weston.
Levi: guys, it's me!

* host: Galaxy Warriors is a better concert than JoJo Siwa!

* Stonedozer: how did you escape the collapsing concert hall?
Preston: CGI.

* Levi the Gold Ranger: not so fast. y'know not so fast is one of those phrases that are never actually organically said in real-life conversation, only written in gangster scripts.

* host: Stonedozer gets a second chance! Bigly i mean Gigantify! remember, kids, there are no second chances in life. when you're dead you're dead.

* Stonedozer: why does my voice sound like Nixon? why are my gums and lips flapping up and down when i speak? is this a commentary on the current political climate?

* reporter: i'm trying but my New Zealand accent is leaking out. doesn't matter still cute. this is California...we are in California.

* mayor: after this i got a porn thing. easier to keep the stache glued on than having to fidget with it in the car on the way there.

* Levi: i'm canceling the tour!
Mary: when i grow up i want to be just like you. i want to be Justin Bieber!

* Levi: in the meantime i'll be working on new songs. one in particular came to me in my sleep, a country song called "Smells Like Teen Spirit".

* Levi: i'm going back to school.
Sarah: haha you dumb.

* Calvin: was there any point to me being in this episode at all? no? i'm gonna go play with Hobbes.

* mayor: you're a fraud!
Victor Vincent: yes but do you like my body?
mayor: you're doing the porn thing after, too?

Justice League Action "Booster's Gold"

learned:

* this really should have been called "Jurassic Park". or at least "Land of the Lost".

* Green Arrow: i'm lost, Batman.
Batman: we all are.
Green Arrow: i've been feeling unfocused lately.
Batman: yeah sorry i fucked Black Canary.

* Batman: that stupid dilettante who traveled back from the 25th century expressly to make money is not a hero...except that one episode when he was, i remember that episode.

* Green Arrow: need a spot to set down. BINGO! the Matterhorn from Disneyland! and my parents told me there was no magic in this world.

* Green Arrow: a living fossil...
Batman: i heard that!

* Green Arrow: so do chickens really come from you guys?
pterosaur: God created me.
Green Arrow: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
pterosaur: the chicken, obviously.

* Batman: Batman doesn't get jealous......Batman is jealous of only one thing......how Christian Bale is able to get away with outrageous statements cos he's cool.

* Green Arrow: well, Baloo isn't gonna like the destruction of his ship-plane.

* Green Arrow: hello? Canary?
Black Canary: yes?
Green Arrow: my slump is officially over. i found a slumpbuster in the wild. i fucked Jane. i found out i was Tarzan.

* Green Arrow: the impact to our modern ecosystem would be catastrophic.................-ally good ever since we pulled out of the Paris Accords.

* Booster Gold: 8%.
Green Arrow: bigger?

* Booster Gold: in the future, attention spans are really short.
Green Arrow: how short?
Booster Gold: what?

* Green Arrow: the dinos are eating Main Street, Booster!
Booster Gold: meh. that was always my least-favorite Disneyland land.

* Booster Gold: bad news, the dinosaur ate a wormhole. good news, the dinosaur will never go hungry again, continuous stream of eternal food.

* Green Arrow: *pointing* Mac and Me!
Booster Gold: y'know that movie was really ahead of its time. name me any other movie or tv show now or in the past in which the main protagonist was in a wheelchair.
Green Arrow: Professor Xavier?
Booster Gold: copyright.

* Green Arrow: where are we? i mean when are we?
Booster Gold: *pointing up* the world of Space Precinct!

* Green Arrow: you still have those bulky rectangular tv screens in the future? disappointing.
Booster Gold: yes but they double as a popcorn-maker. check out the back-compartment, that's not for batteries.

* Booster Gold: Green Arrow's too long a name.
Green Arrow: Green?
Booster Gold: i was thinking Blue Buffalo. what i should have fed the dinosaurs.

* Green Arrow: what movie are you watching?
Booster Gold: copyright. in the future Disney has a patent-pending on the universe.

* Green Arrow: do we have the right to negate a flourishing utopia?
Booster Gold: *turns off the power* what was that, buddy?
Green Arrow: nevermind.
Booster Gold: now you know how God feels. i can do better shadow puppets than him!