Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Dimensions in Danger"

notes:

* SPOILERS: it's not really Tommy Oliver. or Antonio

* Dimensions In Danger: pretty weak title for such an occasion. jus' sayin'. how about "Sterling In Silver" to celebrate the Silver Anniversary?

* Preston: i'd like to formally put in my request to transfer to those Magic Rangers...

* Madame Odius: Badonna, you speak with a Puerto Rican accent. you a chica this whole time?
Badonna: yeah, what of it? as my Uncle Sal used to say on the stoop Rosie Perez rest his soul.
Odius: huh. makes sense. all you Bronx perverts.

* yeah, the Beast Morphers! i was calling them the Computer Rangers. change the name, change the game. and the toys. and the whole Grid thing introduced here will come into full peacock swing. Power Rangers finally has its own Beast series. Beast serieses are always the good serieses, take Transformers. please, my wife's a nag about fucking Optimus Prime. and Naruto...and Ninjago...

* Tommy on the phone: yeah, just came back from the dojo. saw Elvis there. what's for dinner, honey? hey JJ, i told you never to play with bikes!
JJ: sorry, dad.
Tommy: where are you, son?
JJ: don't come in my room, dad!

* Drayven: i'm new but i look old.

* Director Chip Lynne: just stand there and shut up, Tommy, and look cute and mean.

* Mick Kanic: stop playing pool, you little fuckers. time to get serious.
Preston: wait, my new girlfriend's about to bank me in.
Mick: fuck your little waifu.
cloaked monks reenter.
Brody: who are you?
monks: we are professional pool players. ready to work?

* "hi, i'm the girl you don't know"

* Caveman Ranger: i'm Yoshi. you haven't seen much of me since cos i've been hibernating.......it is kinda strange how i didn't become a breakout star.....i'm the perfect Japanese specimen...........why the hell wasn't i in the rich Asian movie?

* Calvin: oh yeah, Reefside, that's where Saved by the Bell took place and where i surf.

* Badonna: hey, it's Antonio from the block!

* Tommy: okay, which one is the Ranger who never grew up and remained a kid his whole life? and which one is the Killer Ranger in jail?

* y'know i'd wish Ciara Hanna well on instagram but i'm pretty sure she hates my guts.

* Emma: why does SHE get to do this? i was CLEARLY the prettier one on the show! i was better-looking and had that exotic appeal.
Gia: didn't you say you wanted to disassociate yourself completely from the Power Rangers world to focus on your artistic nudes?

* Andrew Gray: so i continue going to cons.....saying my spiel....i wasn't a bad actor i just lacked direction...........everyone in their Troy cosplay keeps going out of their way to blame me for having the Anniversary on my crappy season and ruining it..............my life would have been a whole lot different if i had married Ciara Hanna like i thought i was gonna...

* Gia: the last thing i remember, i was talking to Tommy, my husband.
Tommy: ex, dear, ex. remember who i'm with now?
Gia: he's just confused. how the hell did you get custody?

* Tommy Robot: how is it that every Power Rangers season eventually ends up becoming about Tommy Oliver?
Real Tommy: i can say "butt"? oh yeah, it's 8PM, i can say "butt" on Nickelodeon!

* Tommy: guys, i'm good now (like that last storyline i was in) but we might want to leave this bridge. i'm not sure if i set it to blow or not.

* Wes: Tommy, how do you fight so well? can you sensei me?
Tommy: i've followed one guiding principle throughout my life on- and off-set. i have a tattoo of it on my forearm: Jesus didn't tap. and i never did any of the porns you guys did.
Wes: i get it, so like the Circle Game, right?
Caveman Yoshi: who's Jesus?
Redbot: coincidentally my bartender's name is Jesus.

* Catherine: i played Katherine. if anyone should marry Tommy on the rebound, i get him! i get those tattoos! i have seniority! i earned it! Gia was on the worst season!

* Brody: what are you doing, Sarah? why are you using pink rope to tie me up? please tell me this isn't a dream! you know what the B in Brody stands for? BDSM.
Sarah: know what the S stands for?

* Tommy: now if y'all excuse me, i gotta get back home. dinner's getting cold.
*jeeps it*
Jason Lee Scott opens the porch frontdoor and kisses Tommy on the mouth. they embrace.
Tommy: son, get out here into the sunlight so your fathers can get a good look atchoo.
JJ: dad, i don't wanna. i want to stay in the house and not show my face. i don't want to show my face at school, either. i don't wanna go to school. can you homeschool me?

The Venture Bros. "The High Cost of Loathing"

notes:

* Rusty: Malcolm?
Monarch: yeah, so?
Rusty: as in in the Middle?
Monarch: yeah, so?
Rusty: wanna play the Circle Game?
Monarch: Circle Game?
Rusty: it involves my nuts.

* Sheila shakes the Monarch.
Sheila: time to wake up, honey. honey, get it?
Monarch: bitch don't wake me up when i'm having one of my dreams where i'm somebody!
Sheila: oooh, i love it when you talk like a man.

* Monarch: ALL I SEE UNDER MY SEAT ARE OLD SPICE LUXURY PRODUCTS!!! POMADE AND STUFF!!! IT'S RAINING!!! MAYDAY!!!
Sheila: sir stay with me!!!

* Monarch: uranium yada yada yada. does this ocean liner in the fog remind anyone of something?
Gary: that X-Files episode.
Monarch: *stroking chin* no, Smilla's Sernse of Snow. yeah, that's it, Smilla.

* The Hudsucker Proxy, that's gotta be the most-unique film title ever, huh?

* corporate board: so you invented bubbles? never take the glass shard out of your body, leave it in there indefinitely.

* Dean: why do i have to go to college? i already have a bed here!
Rusty: that's a very cogent question, Dean, you'll do fine in college. i know, it's a waste of time, but parents can't tell the kids that or the whole system falls apart. now did you remember your progrock brown box?
Dean: *gothily* yeah.
Rusty: atta boy. Dean, you'll be fine in this life as long as you listen to progrock LP records and learn from them.

* Hank: i got my own place, baby, come over.
Sirena: but it's still your father's house, babe. save your T Shirt, send it to the T Shirt Club.

* Monarch: this fucking mansion is a money pit! why did i get it in the first place!
Sheila: you said it reminded you of The Munsters, your favorite show as a kid. tell me, which Marilyn did you prefer? i'll dye my hair that blonde our next roleplay.
Monarch: Monroe of course! the answer is always Monroe! no i got this dump cos it had the secret library that only accessed if you pulled down on this candlestick light fixture in the wallpaper here, but it won't work unless we get the lightbulb changed!

* Dr. Z pops the Macy's balloon.
Dr. Z: i gave this lab a 10.
Gary: oh 10 out of 10? that sounds pretty good.
Dr. Z: no, 10 out of 100. and that score was graded on a curve.
Monarch: grading on a curve is for pussies.

* Dr. Drew: so you want a ridiculous loan but have no collateral?
Monarch: my collateral is your nuts.
Dr. Drew: what?
Monarch: for the Circle Game. what happened to you, Dr. Drew?
Dr. Drew: the losses started piling up. i mean nobody cared about Jeff Conaway, but once you start losing a founding member of Alice In Chains, people start to talk online. want some bank mints?
Monarch: I'M ROBBING THIS BANK!!! GIMME ALL YOUR MINTS IN THIS DUFFEL BAG!!!

* Dean: it's okay, Brock, i know of the pain you internalize everyday. you can let it all out with me, i won't tell a soul. i don't want to end up like you, Brock. are you gonna be my college roommate this semester? room with me? park the car in the room cos we have no garage?
Brock: this show isn't a sitcom, kid, it's a serious show about failure.

* Brock: whoa!
Brown Spiderman: it's okay, that Ripley Alien atrocity just above my butt is my second mouth, it's the only way i can eat the cafeteria food here.
Brock: yes but why must you eat naked? is this a Canadian snow thing?
Brown Spiderman: not cool, man, i'm poor, i can't afford both clothes and tuition.
Brock: where are you? you're never around when we need you in a fight.
Brown Spiderman: sewing my costume.

* Sirena: move it along, ex-boyfriend!
Brown Spiderman: okay, Sirena, i can take a hint.........but that one time wasn't my fault. it just all came out. all over you. that was my webbing, i swear!

* Dean: why did you kiss me just now?
Sirena: oh, i thought you were Hank. cute is cute, i can't you two brothers apart.
Dean: sibling rivalry is always the best plot device. and you have a nice ass underneath that coat.

* Hank: you're still busy?
Sirena: college doesn't consist of just one class, babe.
Hank: yes but why four long years?
Sirena: you're right. if you drill down, don't go to weekend toga parties, skip summer vacation, you could probably get a degree in like a year...

* Carl Sagan: so tell me, kid, how's the new guy doing?
Dean: he's not as cool as you were.........................and this has nothing to do with the fact that he's black.

* Hank: admit it, Pop, Dean was always your favorite!
Rusty in bed all cut up: where's the rent money!?
Hank: the nice Swedish couple i rented out my room to stole it from me.
Rusty: that's impossible, Hank!

* Dean: um, Sirena? i don't think those are gills on your neck. i think your ass is nice and you're real popular and those are several hickeys.

* Sirena: why do you hate superheroes and supervillains so much?
Dean: they are all costumed freakjobs! ever since i got that pint of Superman Ice Cream that thing's been a bane of my existence. a thorn in my side. it doesn't melt right, it gets soupy within seconds of contact with light, the lid doesn't fasten correctly, spilling all its sticky contents into my bottombarrel freezer shelf, the lowest basement one that can't be reached with a cloth. what a pain for just some vanilla ice cream and patriotic sprinkles!

* Carl Sagan: i have to transform into Kratos. everyone on adult swim has to, Robot Chicken had to for God of War promotions.

* Dean: *boner* i guess i do like science.

* Monarch: mind my beeswax. get it?
Sheila: who's that?
Monarch: i wish you could have met him.
Sheila: the dead butterfly?
Monarch: no, the real me. my name is Malcolm...

Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Outfoxed"

notes:

* i know, i know, i should have waited till the NEXT series to do these reviews! THAT's gonna be the mondo special supersized totally awesome series full of deep writing and character study, right? oh well.

* Finally is right

* Madame Odius: and how are my little fox monsters doing today?
Odius's various minions of both sexes: WE LOVE YOU, MAMA FOX MONSTER!!!

* Odius: why doesn't my Foxatron work?
minions: cos it was made by Fox.

* Brody: failure is not an option.
Sarah: wow, man, you almost sounded like a leader just then.
Brody: it's gonna be epic.
Sarah: please stop saying the word epic.

* Sarah: so, did everyone else's ass get phatter over the summer?

* Sandy: hi there, i'm Sandy *shake* nice to meet you. i'm gonna be your love interest the rest of the season. designed solely to make Sarah jealous.
Preston: as in Cheeks?
Victor Vincent: we'll take it from here, nerd. so, Sandy, wanna see my dick? i mean my grades this summer? i can help sex you i mean science you. high school is for experimenting.
Monty: i just tag along in case you're up for a Devil's Threesome.

* Redbot: why so glum, Mick? (you're not my chum)
Mick Kanic: my mom wants me to get a job. hi, Rangers! long time no see! your new stars are frozen in adamantium or something. i have no idea. we need to pray for a Sign From Above.
mysterious monks appear. with daggers. and cloaks.

* monks: don't mind us, we're early.

* at the science experiment:
Redbot: why so glum, Victor?
Victor: the company made me cancel my twitter. oh, there's Pres. hey Preston! hey nerd! go back to your D&D and leave the science for real men! real men like us and Elon Musk!
Preston: um, you're not supposed to mix those two colors together, unless you want to make that clear slime that came out of all those He-Man toys in the '80s.
Preston: hey Sandy, sorry for brushing you off like that, i know how it feels.
Sandy: *blushing* you're obviously the popular jock of the school.
Preston: oh so you saw that rich Asian movie, huh. wanna kiss?
Sandy: my mom told me not to kiss outside my tribe.

* teacher: hey Rangers! help me find my wedding ring i dropped in this sewer! i am so heartbroken.
Calvin: cos you lost a family heirloom that belonged to your mother?
teacher: no cos my mother is marrying my husband.
Calvin: alright, we'll help. Hayley, please lift the grate with your man-hands.
Hayley: this sewer is here obviously to remind us. gonna watch the new TMNT series, babe? it's a cartoon this time.
Calvin: no. it's just...too much.

* Monty: boss, now that our hairs are stuck together, it's high time you treated me with some respect. R.I.P. Aretha. admit that my hair was always cooler than yours.

* Sarah: i'll be there in a jiff, guys, i just have to dump a cup of Baja Blast inbetween Monty and Victor's heads. like i do at my porn shoots.
Sarah: *pouring* ...steady...steady...
Monty and Victor: IT BURNS IT BURNS
Sarah: now you know how i feel afterhours at this place. getting all manner of liquid tossed on my face.

* Levi: this whole thing feels like a dream...it's like i don't even exist...

* during the battle:
Odius: NO FAIR! those pandas are too cute! hey, no one on this show ever highlights when the BAD GUYS get a new Zord!
me: wait, what? what is that? what is that supposed to mean? one of the monks rolled up his sleeve and flashed a can of gray soda on his forearm. what is that? what was that supposed to signify? anyone? please tell me, it's been so long i forgot everything.

* monks: so we came here to remind you that this Tuesday is Tommy Tuesday i mean Taco Tuesday...

* Calvin: we learned a valuable lesson today. we Rangers are better as normal citizens. cos without those monks we'd all be dead.

* Preston: wanna pool?
Sandy: sure. let me get my bikini.

* Victor: laugh if you must, fellow citizens of our beloved institution of school. but Monty and i suffer from a real condition. we highlight a real pressing serious problem that affects both young men and women of our age: male pattern baldness. this topic will be discussed in the next episode, the whole episode will be about this, Madame Odius will have it. it'll be like a real-life version of that Rugrats episode with the dads and grandpas, we're trying to get Nickelodeon back to its hallowed Peanuts roots.

The Venture Bros. "Arrears in Science"

notes:

* why am i only being notified these last three episodes were the Morphic Trilogy THIS MORNING!!?

* yes, from now on, i'm gonna call Dr. Mrs. The Monarch Sheila, too. thanks, AV Club!

* two words: Anna Baldavitch......we know she has a great ass and she's an iron lady, but who is she? what is her face? the mother?

* Vendata: more Data than Lore. unless he's gaslit.

* okay, everyone put down your acid, this episode is a little squirrelly visually. lots of silvery streaks going everywhere

* member? Jackson Publick eating Pepperidge Farm remembers.

* Don Hell, he's like the goth Bowie, right?................apparently Bowie by himself was already goth, why do you think Trent Reznor loved him so much? check out Trent's latest EP, it's basically Bowie.

* so this is all Brock's fault? see? the only muscle which really matters is the scientific muscle. in one's head. the brain, other head. but why was Brock so scared these past episodes? it's like he saw a ghost......i'm thinking girl trouble, it's always girl trouble. two words...
Jackson: you're right, sorry. a little of my Venture Bros fanfic that i do on the side at the site seeped into the actual script. y'know it takes so long that sometimes i can't tell the difference between my fanfic and my real writing.

* gotta love it when you get to see the third episode from the other point of view...

* Vendata: Jonas, this is gonna be the most chidori-electric Naruto-ing of one man's finger up another man's butt in human and machine history. do not prepare your anus.
Jonas Venture: Naruto? what a silly boy. not like my Rusty. i forbid this stupid cartoon channel in my house!

* Don Fitzcarraldo: what? i like butterflies.

* Blue Monarch: but why did you impregnate my wife? you ruined my morality. were those two women on the orange carpet porn stars?
Jonas: *sipping something* it's the '50s so they're referred to as leading ladies. but they are the two most-desired ones this decade.

* Jonas: if it ever gets out that i'm infertile, my career is over. my movie-star good-looks remain but my career in science is over. quick, Blue Morpho! go to the press and say i couldn't spell a kid's word and got in an argument over a kid's potato and mashed the potato with my loafer and made them fries which i ate, or that i'm against the Murphy Brown revival on moral grounds or something. distract with your version of the truth. wear your good stamping boot. this is my final essentialest essentialist command.

* Don: OH GOD! (i believe in a robot god) the horror! i am not a depraved sick twisted sex freak pervert like you. i have morals (which is saying something). you made me take my shorts down in front of you and do the icky cookie Bob Crane-style?
Jonas: that wasn't an icky cookie. it was a miniatured-down version of the gong from The Gong Show. i invented a ray gun that shoots mini rays. kinda like your penis.

* Don: what are you doing to me!? haven't you helped enough?
Jonas: consider yourself a get-out-of-jail-free card, my friend. you're lucky i'm really into Voltron presently. prepare to be a robot the rest of your unnaturally-long life.

* Dr. Z: hi, so i'm the mad scientist who seems to be in the middle of all the commotion on this show. i know, i look like the guy from Minoriteam. i think i was supposed to be a hero in that but ended up looking like the villain. hey, in this day and age i'm not complaining, representation is a thorny issue better left to convenience-store clerks. yes i'm gonna go see that rich Asian movie to add to its till, what of it?

* Jonas: it was you who pulled the plug and killed all those space-station people, buddy.
Don: no, it was you.
Jonas: no, it was you, YOU!!!...............that Magic Man said waving around my fingers crazily like this over your head would work the Jedi voodoo on you.

* all this carnage cos you guys couldn't decide on Cocoon or *batteries not included for Movie Night?
Red Death: i would have preferred The Neverending Story.
Anna: make mine Legend. Tom Cruise or Hardy it matters not. as long as i get to name my firstbourne Gump.
Jonas: it's gonna be Rusty, dear.

* Venturion: I AM VENTURION!!! MY HEAD WAS THE HOUSE THAT FILMATION BUILT!!

* so it's Suicide Squad without the suicide. and Ocean's 11 but no ocean. the ocean of space granted.

* Council of 13: can we be called Council of Baker's Dozen? more cuddly and Meg Ryan-y. we want to continue working after the current administration is over.

* Gary: why we gotta break into VenTech?
Monarch: technically it's not breaking in. Dr. Venture is my distant cousin or something. we're related is what i'm saying. and please don't talk anymore, my bug ears can't take the reverb!

* Monarch: daddy?!! it's been so long! where have you been?
Jonas: i was a head for the longest.
Blue Morpho: son, can i borrow your yellow butterfly suit? mine got ripped to tatters flying through the air.

* New York city cop: sure i like the donuts, but notice i'm not wearing a bushy brown mustache full of bits and glaze shards. progress. get yous out of here, the Power Rangers balloon---which is continually the largest balloon ever tended by man---is ready for its closeup. can never tell if it's a boy or girl.

* Dean: i missed the VMAs for this? drat!
Hank: watch the language, bro. who do you think you are, Teenage Groot?
Dean: the Macy's balloons are giving us the middle finger, blow them some more, Hank, you're the one with the strong lungs in the family.
Hank: nah, they're just giving us the fingerguns. like Cuphead's fingerguns. harmless.

* i noticed. did you notice? at the end, everyone is gathered in groups of 3...

* confused? no idea what's going on? connect the dots? exposition dump? too many threads? always get the pillows with the most thread count, never buy the extended warranty. not knowing what is a dream and what is reality? humans have that problem, too, living their daily lives. it's okay if you don't get everything, take it from me and my experience, it's better when just the author knows what's going on...

* Brock: now you know why i was scared. i'm going back to college.

The Venture Bros. "The Rorqual Affair"

notes:

* The Rorqual Affair, that must be the most beautiful title ever. yes it must. it's a delectable blend the likes of esteemed early turn-of-the-century British spy novels and novelia. like the very first James Bond manuscript, not so much all the Bond flicks which came out of the fun-lovin' '60s, those titles are rather forgettable porn titles.

* ah, much better. it runs smoother when you have the wikipedia on your hip and can look up the names of all these people

* Orpheus, Order of the Triad: Magician?
Rusty Venture: sorry. how about a rusty trombone? you can't be so bombastic all the time, play it cool, be like that guy Criss Angel who always seems serene no matter what hairy predicament he's in.
Orpheus: i want the Triad to be mobastic. that Angel man has tons of hair on his chest yet when he bare-chests it onstage his chest is like a baby's bottom.
Rusty: magic.
Orpheus: *stage voice* IS THIS CALM ENOUGH? i don't know what a microphone looks like.
Rusty: hey are you coming back this season?
Orpheus: we talk not of such matters, that makes my voice raise.

* Sirena: so that's you name now?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: yeah.
Sirena: you got married? it's been so long i don't remember.
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: yeah......JFK was irreplaceable......that was back when arching had consequences......he was taken out by a fellow named Deep State.

* Gary: hi there. i'm that guy with the EXTREMELY annoying voice who was given a bigger platform than I ever deserved. i continue in this role to do the most annoying things and justify them with my most annoying voice cos i'm the "real nerd" of this group or something, the true believer in the bunch. i'm the only one in the cast who's a bad guy for the right reasons. just imagine if the writer's girlfriend hadn't broken up with him? Orpheus's daughter would be right now where i stand. she'd be the one knee-deep in long devleloping character arcs and action.

* Gary: wow. i overslept. reminded me of my college days. yeah my college days when my best friend wasn't dead and we lived as roommates, when we still felt the morning sun on our faces before math lecture at the hall. we were gonna be somebodies in this society, not have to rely on wearing costumes the rest of our lives. we were studying to be lepidopterologists.

* Wide Wale: i never knew you had red hair, Monarch.
Blue Morpho: i am the Blue Morpho!
Monarch: hey, stop hitting yourself! i mean stop hitting me! haven't you heard of concussions!? how ironic can this get for me? i'm gonna die of a sports concussion and i never reaped the benefits of playing sports!

* Wide Wale: so my origin story is as follows: it's the Hulk plus my older brother i looked up to more than our father was The Incredible Mr. Limpet until he became an invalid rorqual in a wheelchair cos as we all know rorquals can't swim, they're just faking it out there. ironically Dory from Finding Nemo fell in love with my brother's full lips when he was younger---it wasn't a liability for him---but my brother Dr. Dodongo's lips eventually fell off from talking too much. btw did they ever say if Nemo was a boy or girl?
Monarch: how iconic can this get?

* Wide Wale: sometimes i can be like a bear or a volcano. but no matter how i've looked through the years i've always been a used-car salesman from Thirty-Fourth Street.
Razor Ramon: i hate those guys who affect French accents to get le pussy.
Monarch: i know. that is such a pussy move. literally. shit.
Razor Ramon: what?
Monarch: chatte.

* Council members chattering.
Invisible Guy: how are we all gonna earn a living? we can't validate our existence validating parking! for some of us this isn't a game, take me for example. i'm actually invisible, not psychologically so like the rest of you.

* Red Death: i'll get you the head of Blue Morpho. i hate the color blue. i want a seat at the Council. i want to sit down and cool off my burning ass, it hurts like the motherfucking dickens.

* Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: how could you do that? how could you be this dumb?
Gary: i went to college for a week...

* Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: i push all your daddy's coworkers' buttons.
Red Death: *hot cocoa sweater* and i push your button, your belly button!
Red Death's daughter: silly daddy, i don't have a belly button, remember? you ate it. why do you keep calling me Benjamin Button?
Red Death: ask your mother, dear.

* Red Death: time for my searing Sam Shepard monologue. you wouldn't understand, kid, times were different back then, it was a meaningful age full of poets and playwrights.
Gary: i think i do tho. you're like the old guy at the end of The Dude movie. i could have just completed college and become that Scottish moth guy on Instagram. i feel strangely comfortable here at this dummy corporation.

* Red Death: the bay doors opened up......and we knew it wasn't a movie anymore......Jonas Venture had become......that black oily Spider-Man thing......

* Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: sweetie? oh no, The Venture Bros. is a post-MeToo show now, we ain't going back, the era of the nice jerk is over, no more hiding pills in my pillbox hat.

* Wide Wale: just point and click, son, that's what all you millennials like to do, eh?
Hank: *shaking* but i got a non-Duck Hunt gun in my hand this time. a gun i got from a nun. and i think that's my uncle or something. you should see me, i'm shaking like a wet leaf over here, i'm twittering up a storm!
Wide Wale: one shot and my daughter is all yours.
Hank: thank you, sir, i refer to your daughter as my Ong Bong because like her it's illegal, i want it, but i don't know how to use it.
The Monarch: if you're gonna kill me remove that ridiculous costume! i shall NOT be further humiliated! i will not suffer the indignity of being felled by the less-cool Latino in the room. at least have Razor Ramon do it.

* Sirena: *hands on heart* oh hi, hey, strange shriveled-up old whale. hey pops! why do i look human but my whole family looks like whales! it's starting to freak me out!
Wide Wale: you should thank me, you ungrateful teenager! i birthed you, that's how you got that nice ass you have. the phat ass of a whale.

* Sirena: Nintendo? what's that?
Razor Ramon: i'm gonna tie you up to your bed till you learn some respect for your history. you can't leave till you beat Zelda's Second Quest without any online help like we all had to do.
Sirena: you got the toothbrush this time? those toothpicks in your mouth ain't cuttin' it.

* Red Death: *crashing windows* ANYONE NEED THEIR PARKING VALIDATED???

* Wide Wale: but how?
Dr. Dugong: i survived cos there's a starfish on my face. i followed the instructions that nice white rapper from Limp Bizkit always sang to me: don't get excited during sex, have a bored expression on your face, remain unmoved. that's how i survived all these years.
Sirena: i instantly like you better than my father. my father wants me to do work-study, which doesn't exist.

* Dr. Dugong: why didn't you forward any of Ma's cat videos?
Wide Wale: i thought she was dead and that was a bot.

* Razor Ramon: see that flying car out there, Sirena? that's how big Nintendo consoles used to be.
Monarch: that's the Morpho Mobile! I'M CLEARED!!!
Red Death: no, sir, i'm afraid that's your car. you didn't get your parking validated and they towed it.

The Venture Bros. "The Venture Bros. & The Curse of the Haunted Problem"

notes:

* *dusts off centuries of dust from my manufactured tech hiatus-stick a.k.a. dongle*

* whenever a new season finally hits i always think i could have waited 10 more years, that's how loyal i am to this show. of course who knows if i would live that long. quality comes at a price.

* okay, first impression, flash impression, it's a bit comfortable with itself now. i would never advocate and suggest and call for a scheduling-management program...but...maybe a writing staff?...just kidding, you guys, i love you, never change. as Steve Martin says, "i learned comedy from comedy teams, duos"

* science vs. magic, that's what The Flight of Dragons tackles.

* is this the final season? if not, the whole Monarch-is-your-brother thing came WAY too early.

* Dr. Venture thinks it's a computer glitch, Dean knows better, Dean's listened to progrock.

* the muscley dude Brock is not scared of ghosts. he is only scared of one thing: his shadow. and Philip K. Dick, who's a dick as a ghost. and his red-headed Russian ginger girlfriend. Jackson and Doc predicted Butina before anyone else, check reddit.

* Ben Edlund: so i'm the new guy! FINALLY you get some help in the writing department.
Jackson and Doc: and you are?......
Ben Edlund: The Tick.
J&D: there aren't any ancient tweets we need to be concerned about, right?..................right?

* Vincenzo: *kissing his thumb* i'm a-sorry, Hank, but you a-betray me! i think of yous as my own flesh and blood!
Hank: what happened, Vinnie sir? i did as i was told. i'm a loyal soldier to you. i make the pizza sauce exactly as you've instructed, three parts yellow tomatoes, one part my own blood.
Vincenzo: the hat, Hank, you wouldn't wear the hat!
Hank: that red hat is stupid! makes me look like a dork!

* EPISODE HIGHLIGHT, best part of the episode: the hacking. how real hacking is not Hollywood-dramatic, it's just typing on a keyboard.
Butina with the eyepatch: i hacked your pathetic Election with one eye closed. and one hand tied behind my back. you Americans are dumb.
scientists: cos you were concealing your famous rapier you like to lick with your tongue?
Butina: no, Brock Samson tied me up, i like it.
scientists: now that's dramatic.

* Hank: i am Don Flamenco, the boxer from Mike Tyson's Punch Out who you think will be some European pushover with the flourish poetry and the dainty bullfighter's gait and the romantic bed of roses i wear over my shoulder, but is actually a lot stronger than he looks. i am here to fuck your daughter. hey, are you the boyfriend? you look like Madonna's Italian boyfriend street-tough thug from the "Papa Don't Preach" video.

* early prediction: Sirena is Jackie O's long lost daughter, they do look alike, right? the Girlfriend with the Man Voice started smoking at an early age when she was pressured to have an abortion but didn't and secretly gave birth in an alley. the Brown Widow aka Brown Spider-Man spirited young Sirena away under cover of night, making sure not to be spotted for he was brown in this world...

* Sirena: jeezus, DAD! you want me to marry in the family?! like you want me to actually marry family!? incest? like you want me to marry Cousin Sal!!?
Wide Wale: yeah, sures, why not. Trump does it, right? if it's okay with the President...

* Dr. Venture: come on, Dean, just one strip of bacon...here comes the choo-choo plane!...
Dean: no. don't wanna. it looks like a dick. like my dick.

* Dr. Venture: hey Magician, why must you be so dramatic in your pronouncements when you're casting spells? and even when you're talking in your normal speaking voice?
Magician: i am obviously a failed Shakespearean actor.
Dr. Venture: want a ham sandwich?
Magician: and a failed attorney, wow, you really know how to twist the knife i scored higher than Birdman on the written exam.
Dr. Venture: what happened to your daughter? we don't see her anymore. like it's been 8 years or so.
Jackson and Doc: we've been over this. she reminds me too much of my ex-girlfriend...who i hear is happily engaged to a lesbian couple she met upstate at college so i wish her all the best. it wasn't like our relationship turned her or anything.

* wimpy toadstool guy: i never knew Jennifer Beals was half-black.
Shaft: come on, man, didn't you see that dance scene in Flashdance? "Maniac"? the butt?
wimpy toadstool guy: don't call me a butt. some of my best friends are maniacs.

* Dr. Venture: so i was half-right, i mean there are such things as scientific ghosts. haven't you seen Ghostbusters? or Danny Phantom?
Magician: my daughter took me to see the lesbian Ghostbusters.
Dr. Venture: so what, does this make us Green Lanterns now?
Magician: the Green Lanterns are a race of sin and will be judged on the Day. all of their decoder rings are used to see inside the women's bathrooms of quaint lesbian colleges located deep inside Maryland farmland.

* Dr. Venture: whoa, so my father was in the building this whole time? he looks like the Terminator. or that creepy ghost robot metalman from the Scooby-Doo opening. you know the one, looks like he came from a progrock Queen cover? Dad was connected to all the wires and pipes?
Dean: no wonder the toilets never flushed.
Magician: who rented you this apartment?
Dr. Venture: i'd rather not say. okay the President.
Magician: there's a rumor Fred is buried in one of the Trump buildings. i'll get my best man Phantom Limb on it. he can faze through walls.

* me, Phoenix: i'm sure the ending ties up some longstanding loose-end strings nicely in the overall arching plot, paves over plot holes like a Domino's Pizza steamroller, but it's been so very long i've forgotten every last detail of this show.

* the ending theme and titles are always the most dramatic part of the show. not Manafort Trial-dramatic with the dramatic developments and everything mind yous, but stills plenty dramatic after all these here years.