Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "The Need For Speed"

learned:

* Tom Cruise is suing. Tom Cruise is suing Power Rangers.

* Chip Lynne: so, Sarah, we're gonna leave you in the Lycra till the end of the season, okay?

* what high school, either here or in Australia, has a built-in mini-NASCAR track? i mean is there high-school NASCAR, is that a thing? imagine the insurance premiums on that. varsity NASCAR? junior-varsity NASCAR?

* coach with whistle and timer: hi i'm the high-school NASCAR teacher. i'm willing to bet i've been in some sort of low-budget Australian gangster flick or a sprite in an Australian fantasy knockoff in which i had to take off my clothes. that's how it is in Australian acting.

* Sarah: i win! cos i'm the only one at this school who hoverboards!

* this almost makes me want another live-action Speed Racer movie.

* Chip: what took you so long rustling the bush like that?
Victor Vincent: i was preparing my double.
Chip: oh it's not your acting double? look, Victor, we need you to be more subtle...

* Victor: this is my 50th trophy! this means I won all 50 states! i applied and next year i'm going to electoral college!

* Calvin: Cal! i like that. call me Cal from now on it's cooler. hey Sarah, help me with this 8-ball.
Sarah: it's easy, just wait for the Japanese businessmen to slurp them from your bare belly with their tiny tongues.

* Levi: what are all these calculations?
Sarah: math and shit. don't you go to school?
Levi: i'm a cowboy, ma'am.

* Victor: i'll give you the trophy if you go on a date with me.
Sarah: fat chance! that trophy's not big enough for me. for what i like to do with trophies.

* Sarah: i look like a CIA nut with all this tinfoil on but it's better than the Lycra.

* Speedwing: drat! almost saved the princess midflight!

* Speedwing: i'm Speedwing. i have a pigeon on my head that keeps shitting on my head! please remove this curse on my head!

* Speedwing: i'm fast.
Brody: we get it.......................whoa, that was a cool line, my first cool line, thanks, writers. i've even started collecting vintage long-play records handy with me when i need to scratch them to emphasize the point.

* Preston: we're gonna carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey!
Speedwing: joke's on you, it's not Thanksgiving!

* Hayley: did you just call me a monkey?

* Wolvermean: oh yeah, it was actually Wolvermean, heehee. anyway YOU LOST YOUR STAR?!!
Speedwing: it's not my fault! it's that damn-stupid Uber driver's fault!

* Mick: uh, Sarah, what are you doing behind my back?
Sarah: hands, Mick, hands, i need to see those hands at all times.
Mick: hands up hands up my hands are up i'm sorry.

* Mick: don't you think using monster tech is a bit unpredictable and dangerous?
Sarh: it's just my Monster High chem lab. it looks like a mad-scientist dungeon but it's just used to make perfume it'll be fine.

* Sarah: i won! at least that bozo Victor doesn't have it anymore. but it leaves me with this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Mick looks at Sarah disappointingly and shakes his head.
Sarah: *rubs her stomach* the baby's yours, Mick.
Mick looks at Sarah disappointingly and shakes his head.
Mick: i told you to be careful.

* Speedwing: okay, deal, i'll stop destroying the world if you give me that hoverboard that thing's cool.
Sarah: hell naw that's ma toy

* Preston: this green sword is useless, it shoots vines instead of lasers.
Poison Ivy: that's my sword, big boy.

* Speedwing: hey! stop stopping me with your swords i'm trying to run a race here! you're cutting into my world-record time! i run instead of fly for some reason.

* Sarah: school, i have an announcement. i'm giving back the trophy. i'm a cheater.
Hayley: you fucked Calvin? sorry, Cal.
Sarah: even though the flux-capacitor alteration i made technically was legal---NASCAR gets away with this sort of shenanigan every raceday---i still feel bad. and the truth is i cheated in another way. i'm on performance-enchancing drugs.
Hayley: steroids? so that explains the big butt. technically, plastic-surgery is not considered performance-enhancing drugs, hon.
Sarah: you shut yo mouth.

* coach with whistle and timer: which one's the dummy?................oh  come on, writers, you stick me with that line?! just cos i'm the guest star?!

* Victor: being in that bush taught me something. about parallel universes and being in two places at the same time. i'm joining the Army instead of going to electoral college!

* Sarah: forget athletic achievement. i'd rather hang out with my friends.
NASCAR teacher: hanging out with your friends won't get you into a good university. what is this, Skins?

* Badonna: please, Odius, please tell me i fuck you by the end of the season. i can't hold on, if not i'm jetting it out of here, i can't stay. when will we finally be together?
Madame Odius: Chip hasn't told me anything.
Badonna: my family disowned me. i gave up marrying a lawyer for you.