The X-Files "Rm9sbG93ZXJz"

learned:

* Robot Chicken beat you to it with the ungoogleable-title thing.

* like typing a youtube link

* base64? the only base i know is illegal base-jumping off the Superman bridge

* nobody would have cared about the troll robot if she weren't hot

* we now know all of our recent hate was manufactured by the Russians

* this café is too sleek, too modern, too barren, too antiseptic, too Japanese...

* this is what happens when Pokemon Go dies

* monkfish aren't ugly. they just spend their entire lives in sunless monasteries, that's what you get.

* wait, the entire episode without dialogue? this is gonna be a short review...

* first break in: already my favorite episode in the entire franchise

* the credit-card companies "eat" your credit card everytime they scan it

* that's a total Hollywoodization of uber. uber is way worse.

* emoji driver: i only have two settings, happy and disappointed.

* Mulder: should i pay the tip?.........................just thinking outloud

* the car starts playing the Madonna "Justify My Love" video.
GPS: you said controversy.

* drones have always been skeevy. they're like mechanical bumblebees. real bumblebees are soulless enough.

* computer: say your name into the speaker.
Mulder: David Duchovny!!! dammit.

* computer: your porn month is up, would you care to renew?
Mulder: i will gladly pay the 20-dollar surcharge yes.

* yeah, that's my greatest fear. the volume stick breaks in two and you're not able to quiet the porn.

* Mulder: i warned you, kid, that's the last time...........*whiff*..............i tried out for the Cubs like the new ADA on SVU. you're lucky i'm not good. i actually don't like baseball much, i toss around the ball for physical therapy, broke my hand punching an alien in the nose.

* Scully: Rock It Like a Redhead............i thought that was the name of my vibrator....

* Roombas are freaky, too, wriggling around the room like a drunk snake. anything my cat doesn't trust i don't trust.

* this would make a great Alexa commercial.

* this episode brought to you by Google Home

* the warm glow of a screen. the mellifluent sonic tone. it's intoxicating isn't it.....

* drone: we never leave a brother behind. unlike you and your sister.
Mulder: ouch.

* you know how this is gonna end. how these things always end. a shootout.

* Scully: 911?!!
operator: that's coming up next.

* *flame*
Mulder: next time, Scully, don't eat the burrito.

* Mulder: you know, under a different light, these rave-stick drones aren't disconcerting at all, they have a kind of Close Encounters magic to them.

* oh yeah, those motorized dog things, nightmare fuel. first encountered them on Off the Air, i know the writers saw that episode.

* i'll always love those rectangularly-cut slats of plastic you see on the doors of butchers' and the backs of grocery stores. don't know why the doors are like that, something about meat bacteria contamination or something? but they look cool. guess the butchers can't wear gloves.

* robot big bad: don't worry, shooting blanks. like you do.
Mulder: ouch.

* Mulder: yeah, motherfuckers! i'm still fucking the system! i could have given you 25% and i chose 10%!!! hahahahahahaha!!!

* robot: remember, we learn from you.
Mulder: and we learn from the Bible. there's gotta be better teachers.
robot: who?
Scully and Mulder: Leonard Nimoy.

* Scully: so it turns out i have low blood-sugar and hot flashes. you gonna pay the tip?
Mulder: no. it's not a racial thing, i just don't pay tips.

* Skinner: hi. in the back. you like my toupee?
Scully: sorry about forgetting your birthday gift.
Skinner: it's okay. i bought myself this toupee.

* Scully: why don't we put down our phones and double-orgasm this orgy of silence together.
Mulder: the writers didn't want to write anymore huh.

* i love these writers. but you know deep down they wanted to go the entire episode without one word of dialogue. French-noir style.

* luckily, my Xfinity box was not yet smart enough to delete this program.