Justice League Action "Captain Bamboozle"

learned:

* i need to watch that '70s Shazam live-action show. everyone needs to binge at least one live-action superhero show from the '70s, trust me, it'll make you feel fuzzy inside.

* that brown-haired animator running past was hot

* Mr. M: just call me Mr. M. even my mother can't get the name right.

* dude in purple robes: see i REALLY wanted to work at Medieval Times. then i REALLY wanted to work at Round Table Pizza...

* purple man: spear up some dolphin...
Flying Knight: CRASH
purple man: WAIT. dolphin-safe tuna. and some hot sauce.
Flying Knight: alls i got is queso. and that Britney Spears pussy pic. those are the images which hit up from the search. i'm a computer.

* Mr. M: look at pops over there!
Dudley: dude shut up. is this how you treat your legends? i'm Addams. you're a whiny jew.

* Shazam: rusty can opener...
purple man: i don't have sex so i don't know sex euphemisms. oh yeah, Felix. Felix is such a nonthreatening name. it's a cat name.

* Dudley: get 'em tiger. boy ate his Frosted Flakes this morning.

* Felix Faust: with my magic i will turn this hoverboard into a real hoverboard!

* Dudley: pretty girl tells me to abandon son so i abandon son. i'm Dudely H. Dudley. Dudley can be a male and female name.

* Dudley: i obviously stole this RV from Ben 10's old man. that was a tough armwrestling match at the city park public restroom.
Shazam: CLEAN THE FUCKING DISHES, GRANDPA
Dudley: *covering hairy ears* stop yelling at me!
Shazam: sorry. i stopped chewing my vitamins that i use to get big and strong.
Dudley: those aren't vitamins.

* Dudley: i'll be fine. i'm a tough old coot. i was the first one to volunteer for the XFL. i'm not your uncle, i'm your biological father. i fucked your mom.
Shazam: WHAT STUPID FUCKING COOKIES ARE THESE/ the ones with the large gooey centers of strawberry jam which stick to my fingers? i hate those!
Dudley *covering his hairy ears* no, they're chocolate chip, the chocolate chips are just huge!
Shazam: sorry.

* Shazam: i'll see you down at the diner. down on the street. i'm a kid but i'll pay for the both of us.

* Dudley: glowing toilet. my spleen. normal Thursday.

* Dudley: you can't say holy guacamole anymore.
Wizard: in the 80s it wasn't called stalking.
Dudley: also, Merlin was probably a black Moor.

* Dudley: you mean "shazam"?
Wizard: that's a pussy word. your word shall be "Mustache Ride". we've already been cancelled.

* Dudley: have you noticed tortilla chips don't taste good unless they're triangular?

* bird: that's unnatural, dude.
Dudley: thanks. hey girl, your cat has pink eyes, you should check that out.
girl: thanks. my father's a cop.
Dudley: cops are obsolete.

* Dudley: it's not perverted if a superhero does it.
naked babe poolside: justice?
Dudley: it's not against the law if a superhero does it. btw, money is obsolete.

* Dudley: don't leave me hanging, kid. high-five............okay low-five...

* Dudley: that's the problem with you new-school animators. reliant too much on your precious tablets.
Batman: i can't draw good

* Dudley: told ya about the cat.
Wonder Woman: she's a prettier pussy than mine.

* Mr. M: ...than when i gave Superman chickenhead...

* driver: i look like Patrick from that Anatomy show. i'm gonna die a fan-disapproved death.

* Shazam: i've always wanted to get eaten by a pussy.

* driver: in all fairness, that garbage truck does look like a giant kitty litter.

* Batman: i blinded myself when i looked at my red Batsignal light too long. that's why i wear this cowl. i just wanted to see.
Wonder Woman: the light also works on penguins.

* Mr. M: so here's the thing. i know my enemies are always gonna try to trick me into saying the name. i should be on guard for that. instead i suffer from lack of impulse control or something. i'm always exasperated when i speak and can't think clearly, i'm distracted and lose focus and my mind is racing all the time.
Shazam: here, take my pills, i don't need them.

* Dudley: Mustache Ride!
Wonder Woman: that worked. let's go back to my place. the girls won't mind.
Dudley: *winks at the camera* still got it.
Wonder Woman: but you don't have a mustache. goodbye.