Doctor Who "Empress of Mars"

learned:

* Gatiss don't fail me now!

* black woman: NASA does not understand this designation Queen. we have a King. in order to cope i do breathing exercises for people with brain injuries when i'm not acting here.

* we are Victorian British soldiers living on Mars..................it's not as fun as you'd think...

* Nardole: WAIT! why is the TARDIS leaving with me trapped inside?
TARDIS: vworp vworp
Nardole: what does that mean?
TARDIS: your check bounced. as bouncy as your bald head.
Nardole: Missy, miss, can you help me get back?
Missy: why? this show is dead. just wait for Simm like everyone else.

* Bill: what's an Ice Warrior?
the Doctor: yeah. i forgot, too.

* Friday: i hate being called Friday. Friday is when our week starts. TGIM. it's also when dissidents are fried in the underground volcano.

* Catchlove: Africa, the Dark Continent.
Bill: hey. your ancestors were from Africa.
Catchlove: i am handsome with this gnarly mustache.
Bill: i'd say devilishly handsome.
Catchlove: why thank you.
Bill: did the kids at the playground make fun of you cos your daddy was Gandhi?

* the Doctor: you're using these soldiers, not the other way around, huh.
Friday: it's a Smurfette situation. one babe for all of us.

* Godsacre: DO NOT UNEARTH THAT TOMB!!!
hapless soldier: why not?
Godsacre: IN THE NAME OF GOD'S ACRE!!!

* Iraxxa: how long has it been?
Friday: 5,000 years since i've fucked, my lordess. major dry spell.

* Iraxxa: you like my hissing?
the Doctor: reminds me of my wife River. in bed. we never had sex cos she would always say "spoilers" when we were about to start.

* the Doctor: have mercy.
Iraxxa: men are inferior.
the Doctor: but i'm not a man...............next Regeneration...

* rifle bullet glances off Iraxxa's helmet.
Iraxxa: see, kids? safety. always safety.

* Catchlove: i am in command now!
Godsacre: we talked about this. no nepotism on set.

* inside the tomb.
Bill: what smells?
the Doctor: sorry. is there a shower in this tomb? wow i am ripe. takes me back to my theatre days.

* the Doctor: don't make me use this thing! i will drill all of us to oblivion down below until i hit upon a natural sauna for my shower!

* Catchlove: don't try anything funny. no sudden moves or the dame gets it.
Iraxxa: he brought a knife to a gunfight. it's all over.

* Iraxxa: i will spare you if you pledge loyalty to me.
Godsacre: i can promise honesty, not loyalty.

* the Doctor: ALPHA CENTAURI! bless. how old are you, love?
Alpha Centauri: i was bi before it was cool. wait what year is this?
the Doctor whispers to Bill: just say 1974. it's easier that way. she'll never know the difference.

* Missy: how are you?
the Doctor: just three more of these bloody things to go!
Missy: and the Christmas special.
the Doctor: i'm Scottish. i don't celebrate Christmas. i play with my Druid stones.
Missy: can i rocks your Christmas stockings off?