Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Magic Misfire"

notes:

* what's up with all the episodes of this show having alternate titles? like not just one, ALL of them do. it's rough-draft city for Chip Lynne and co. most of the time they go with the least-interesting choice of the pair. "A Simple Mistake" is the more poetic title for this episode so full of twists and turns. like the band Simple Plan.

* nevermind, Magic Misfire is a tv trope, so...

* Tynamon: spoilers: Mick will cry hard this episode...

* Preston: keep practicing your magic, kids, don't worry about making mistakes. you, girl, we don't want to pay you so your line will be said offscreen. this has nothing to do with Harry Potter or Satanism, it's messy magic, the magic which makes a mess. not Messi magic.

* Victor: we do the magic to get the girls. to attract them, snicker snicker.
Preston: i have the perfect girl for you, Victor, her voice is offscreened.

* Drama: hi, i'm the drama teacher, remember me? i look like your typical high-school drama teacher who was spurned for the original Broadway run of Cats so had to join the off-Broadway Cats cast and am still not over it, taking out my anger on my hapless students who couldn't act out of a paper bag. BUT i have a manly voice, not an effeminate one, which is different.

* Preston: sleep. no, this isn't hypnotism, i really want you to sleep. my magic is awesome but my aim is not yet true. even after Season 2.

* Principal: what the fuck! you're sleeping on the job?! you know how many teachers would love to sleep through their own boring lectures? you're fired!
Drama: i hate the poitical climate of this current administration.
Principal: and take your brown cardboard-cube box with you! what do you think this is, Nintendo GameCube? why is there a bee in my mouth?
Drama: is that a euphemism for something? do i at least get benefits?
Principal: you are sick, sir!
Drama: no, my salary. you have never paid me in the entire 30 years i've been here.

* Tynamon: i want to be big!
Madame Odius: there's an app for that. the ED app, consult Dr. Denzel Washington.
Tynamon: i want to not be a robot!
Odius: why? didn't all you chain babies grow up on Astro Boy?
Tynamon: i want to be a real boy!
Odius: oh, i get it now. Tyrus Wong, right?

* Brody: so we can create a shield with our swords.
Sarah: i wish i had this bigass condom to protect me from my now-husband's sword.

* Preston: i know what i'll do! i'll ease my guilt by being with Sarah.
Sarah: that's not how it works anymore, bud.
Preston: oh. so i'll do the petition thing, how hard is it to gather a million signatures at a typical high school?

* Preston: principal bitch, we got the signatures! let him go! let our people go!
Principal: what? how do i know YOU didn't just sign all these signatures using a different fingernail of yours for each one? fake news. i love how you've colored your fingernails black tho. i know the tricks of all you elites who think you run the world. i want REAL Americans signing these, like farmers, coalminers, and cowboys.
Levi: ma'am i cannot tell a lie: i'm illiterate. i never went to school, i was a singer as a rowdy youth, out alone on the open prairies at night with nothing but a cold campfire.
Principal: *starry-eyed* so romantic.

* Principal: my decision is final. however stupid that decision is.
Preston: i hate this current administration.

* Odius: here's your bullhorn, little man.
Badonna: little man: that's the story of my life!
Tynamon blows it and blows himself away.
Odius: wait, you were supposed to wait to use it AFTER i miniaturized it.
Tynamon: *dead* there's only one Bono.

* Monster of the Week: you idiot! you've trapped me in this cage with you! you're gonna get double-zapped!
Brody: i can't quit those Billy Corgan lyrics.
Monster blows him...away.
Brody: attac/ protec...………………...wait something's wrong it's not working!

* Mick: hello? is anybody in here?
Tynamon: hello, would you like to sign a petition to make Bono the next President?

* Redbot: hey, where's Mick? haven't seen him for three hours.
Calvin: hey Hayley, why is there lion hair stuck in your teeth?
Hayley: *closes her mouth*
Calvin: three hours!!? damn, if i get three minutes i'm lucky.
Hayley: Mick? oh he's off doing some New Zealand soap or off-Broadway Shakespeare or something i'm sure.

* Redbot: i can empathize with Tynamon's struggle, robot-to-robot.
Preston: you should be the next administration.

* Tynamon: NO! don't look at me i'm hideous! i'm really the small driver of a robot.
Brody: it's okay, buddy, we've all been there. we've all wanted to be jockeys.
Preston: heehee, Big O motherfucker.

* Tiny Tynamon: do it, babe.
Odius: you want to be gigantified? okay, but it's not what you think.
they gigantify Tiny Tynamon and he turns into a normal-sized human.

* Tynamon: before i go, this would have been my facebook profile: my favorite book as a youth was Pinocchio. i wear this mask not cos i'm Illuminati but because i wanted to be an actor. i have one credit on my imdb, alongside Dan Patrick. i just wanted to be my final form, my normal size! i just wanted to be loved for who i really was!

* Mick: hi guys, i have to be away for awhile. family drama.
Drama: bitch you could never take my job.
Mick: i don't know when i'll be back, but i'll be around for the premiere of Morphers Beasts or whatever. i know i'm talking stilted but this is not a hostage video repeat NOT a hostage video.
Hayley: what about what we talked about, dear?
Mick: my mother is very sick, but she still found time to disown me. my planet has accused me of eating children. must have been when i blacked out and turned into my lion form.
Drama: Aslan you are not, bitch.

* Rangers: so kids, we're gonna do some unsavory things with our ninja powers to get a desired result. look away now or have your guardian cover your eyes.
Sarah: damn, we're pretty good at causing mischief and mayhem, imagine if we were evil.
Chip Lynne: a-ha! *writes*
Hayley: you dropped your key.
Drama: i own an electric car of course, no key.
Hayley: if you didn't cast me in that school play, i'd be on the streets.
Drama: you were the only one who signed up for my class, i had to.
Drama: Principal, what were you doing? photocopying your ass? *under his breath* photoshopping your ass more like.
Principal: what happened? i'm drowsy, just like my high-school days every Saturday morning---that's why i'm drawn to this place. i like your cattiness, Drama, you're rehired!
Drama: we were able to compromise and make a deal.
Principal: *shaking his hand* management and the labor force. proletariat and elite. two Americas coming together here in New Zealand.

* Drama: Preston, thank you for getting my job back, it means the world to me. now get you and your scruffy hooligan club friends OUTTA my room! i got a Netflix webseries i'm filming in there, get the fuck out, you're all fired! go live on the streets, bitches!...…………...i'm not acting!!!

* Monty: okay, Victor, when i say chicken, you run away...

* Odius: why are your eyes red, Mick?
Mick: i just experienced Hamilton for the first time...
Odius: wow, what an insult! you had no reaction after Badonna and i devil-triangled you but you get emotional over a New Zealand soap?
Mick: *robot voice* i am a robot. sex is perfunctory.
Badonna: his tears taste good. *she licks Mick's face* his literal tears.