Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Car Trouble"

notes:

* originally titled "Car Trouble"

* this episode cut deep for me, it brought out long-suppressed feelings in me i thought i'd buried in the last layer of my subconscious never to emerge again. namely, that i still after all these years have that one last year of college to go so i never graduated. now of course just being a college graduate doesn't automatically make one happy, but it does make one socially-lubricant, you know? i'm always gonna feel bad and guilty about this. sure i'm depressed, but i couldn't tough it out for just one more year. it will haunt me to my coffin made of nonrecyclable soda cans...i just don't have the will to go to Hartnell Junior College...

* Calvin: excuse me, ma'am, what seems to be the car trouble?
blonde babe: you wouldn't know, you're just a boy.
Calvin: i put on my Old Spice Swagger Shampoo this morning but that's besides the point. seems like you have a severed carburetor or something.
blonde babe: impressive. i wonder though if you'd still help me if i didn't have these huge airbags in front of my chest?
Calvin: i was just getting to them, your airbags are punctured...

* Joe the mechanic: hey mate uh i mean stranger, you did good back there.
Calvin: nice truck.
Joe: it's a Transformer from Cyberverse. how'd you like to become a mechanic? all you have to do is drop out of school and become one of those low-energy square-faced horse jockeys who start brushing horses instead of completing 8th grade and never really make it to the circuit and just eat grass the rest of their lives.

* Monty: Victor! this is breaking my back! i now have no more back!
Victor Vincent: onward, Monty, anon, tut tut, uh tuk-tuk.
Monty: this is a litter! don't litter, Victor!!

* Voltipede: you idiots! now i have to go drain the energy off a Kwik E Mart and that Indian as the clerk and it's a whole thing now to do with conscience and consciousness and social strata and representation. i should be reminding you of a simpler time, a nostalgic arcade game you played with your father at In-N-Out Burger...

* Victor: oh this is so cool! look at my lemon fingers bristle with energy like Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia! i can se it all now! i'm gonna be the Rangers' greatest villain! mwahahahahah!!!
Monty: the redditors already think you're evil, Victor.

* Calvin: *his arms up in triumph* HEY RANGERS, I'M QUITTING SCHOOL!!!
the entire school and all the Rangers clap and cheer uproariously.
Calvin: that felt really bad. but i'm still gonna do it. you only have one chance to do your dream job.
Hayley: i dunno, honey, you're still really young, you'll find work. i'd love for you to work at Trader Joe's.
Calvin: come on, guys, you know i struggle in school. what's the point?
Sarah: hey look at me.....................nevermind...
Calvin: um can i have a peach-fuzzee sorbet-drink thingee in a cup?
clerk: that'll be $0.42
Calvin: i can't count.

* Joe: you're not gonna shiv me and try to take over the business like my last brother, right?
Calvin: ...
Joe: isn't it gorgeous to smell that fresh waft off the Sausage McMuffins in the morning instead of having to wake up early for a math test? you can sleep in and watch Regis & Kathie Lee...
Calvin: i never knew you were so busy. all 5 of these soccer moms have electrical trouble? can't get their engines started?
Joe: not when we get through with them, wink wink.

* Calvin: hey guys, sorry i'm late, swamped at the office.
Joe: that's my office, son.
Hayley: *smiles* you look cute in a uniform! *frowns* a school uniform, how'm i supposed to pop out w...white? no, wonderful kid babies one after the other if you ain't a provider? my Rangers check won't clear next year.
Calvin: you could always work.
Hayley: that's a good idea. i'm gonna be a Supreme Court Justice.

* Calvin: hey let me take a crack at the new Lion Zord thingee, i know enough. i know that sometimes 2 + 2 = 5, it's all relative like Einstein said. Heaven is just Energy we all return to, cos Energy cannot be destroyed, only altered.
Mick: huh, that's strangely deep for a teenager with attitude. you're like one of those idiot savant surfers who got their noggin knocked out by a falling coconut.
Joe: hey...that's my boy...
Mick: no you hey.
Joe: i'm a mechanic.
Mick: my fucking NAME is Mick Kanic.

* Calvin: morning, Joe.
Joe: oh, you one of those MSNBC Leftists from the car cabal? nope, i'm out. see i'm a worker, okay, i use my hands not my brains, save the brains for Halloween, never mind my Zelda Zealand accent, i'm a real American.

* Calvin: you scared the fuck out of me! i thought you were the monster dropping in!
Mick: i get that a lot. *points to his mane* it's the hair.
Calvin: i don't get it, Mick...
Mick: no you don't, that's it exactly.
Calvin: i don't get it, Mick, why is this engine-stuff so hard and complicated?
Mick: well it is a huge zord, not a car. and only i can understand the Lion Zord cos only i look like a lion.
Calvin: should i stay in school?
Mick: sure, for the chicks.

* French from Hot Streets: ever notice in shows you never quite catch the headline of the newspaper the character is reading?
Monty: yes. what did the headline say?
French: New York Times Dissolving. do you got the drugs i mean the electricity the blueprints of the electrical grid?
Victor: people say i have an electric personality.
French: you either give it to me or you burn in the electric chair. look at my cloak, i'm a well-lanned individual whose ancestor was Nosferatu.

* Brody: show's over, Rangers win. hey you know, why don't we just bomb the fuck out of that flying ship overhead us in the clouds that broadcasts this silly game show? that would end everything and all our problems, no more monsters.
Sarah: wow, Brody, you should be our leader, not Justice Hayley.

* Tynamon: aha, lookie what we have here-ee. a gold star which will turn Mick.
Chip Lynne: future plot points, man, not cool on the boards.
Tynamon: hey, i was supposed to be introduced earlier...
Chip Lynne: your look wasn't quite right then. costume department did a number on you.
Tynamon: i look cool! like a Jonny Quest villain with a fu-manchu! i don't look anything like that Pokémon!

* Tynamon: okay, Odius, it's time we talk. i'm not here to turf you out, management said they brought me in cos you weren't cutting it on your own. it has nothing to do with you being a woman.
Madame Odius: that's MADAME Odius to you, Siamese squirt! i'll cut you and your fu!
Chip Lynne: sorry, babe, but female villain heads only work if they're pretty or give head. see: Tenaya 7. the thing is we can never see what's under your mask, so...
Odius: but i'm perfect for cosplay cons!

* Joe: it's time to go to work, son, you're late! i ate your McMuffin on the way over here.
Calvin: i've decided to stay in school. i'm dumb but that's a smart decision. i'm smart. now get the fuck outta my Transformers steel junkyard! leave your truck here and get the fuck out!!!

* French: thank you son, bureaucracy drained you completely of your energy. now because of you, PG&E won't have to pay those silly exorbitant billion-dollar settlements in court. can we keep you under glass at our lab till the next fire season? i could talk and do other things to your mom for you.
Victor: only if i get to quit school.
French: oh, you're worthless to us now. hey, look over there.
Victor: where?
French: how can that possibly still work in 2018? don't these young people watch shows?