Doctor Who "The Pyramid at the End of the World"

learned:

* now that's a title!

* Penny: so you're saying all the world is a hologram?
Bill: pretty much. do you believe me?
Penny: yes but only cos you're cute.

* Penny: the Pope? that's a laugh. maybe that was a subliminal thing going on. are you sure you're okay with being gay?
Bill: i think so. are you?
soldiers enter Bill's home.
Penny: i have to get out of here. i'm of ancient Egyptian heritage and i'm uncomfortable with how all of this is being portrayed on the telly.

* Erica: yes, i'm a little person. i wanted my character to also be in a wheelchair just to piss everyone off.

* Secretary-General: you might not understand me cos i'm not from around here. i have a bit of an accent.
Bill: i know exactly how you feel. nobody can understand me either and i am from around here. and i'm not racist.

* the Doctor: i'm President of the World.
Bill: Johnson/Hanks 2020

* Capaldi: Turmezistan?
Moffat: a couple more episodes to go. i don't want to lose my wealth on a last-minute sue.

* Nardole: don't worry, the UN is portrayed favorably here, not like on 24. we're British and European and global and enlightened.

* the Doctor: Doomsday Clock.
Monks: that's when the Pumpkins started to go downhill.

* the Doctor: if you do this, you don't know what the consequences will be. it's an all-or-nothing one-time deal.
Nardole: alright. just like the Scottish Independence Referendum. vote aye.

* Chinese army madam: i am a woman in charge of the Chinese army! i am the only woman in China!

* Bill: omg, did you see that? the devastation! Earth will be lifeless in a year.
the Doctor: it's like the whole Earth went to one big One Direction concert.

* Monks: you must give us your consent.
the Doctor: why?
Monks: we are lawyers trying to avoid liability.

* Monks: you must also love us.
the Doctor: why?
Monks: our role model is Jesus.
the Doctor: oh yeah, forgot you were monks.

* Secretary-General: do not weep for me. the UN is obsolete...

* Erica: before you melt like the Wizard of Oz witch, know that i had the biggest crush on you.
tired lab co-worker: quickly, mount me before i die...................are you?
Erica: yes, i'm a little person, you can't feel it.
tired lab co-worker: okay, thank you.

* the Doctor: it's not World War III, it's a pandemic. classic misdirection.
Nardole: i'm not sure we're allowed to talk about magic on a science show.

* the Doctor: in order to solve this we must spy on everyone till we spot the right lab.
Nardole: pervert.
the Doctor: i see you're wearing the Doctor's famous brown coat. if the cops come i'm pinning this on you.

* Bill: but why a pyramid?
the Doctor: it symbolizes a time when humans were without all this bloody technology we have now. when life was easy.

* the Doctor: what are all these strands?
Monks: your various futures.
the Doctor: thought it was spaghetti. was feeling peckish and was getting ready to tuck in.

* Nardole: don't worry, the super-bacterium didn't get me, i'm just resting. i need to sleep. i hate working on this wretched show. i hate my blasted co-workers. the cast and crew suck. everyone on this set disrespects me.

* the Doctor: you want to be the next Companion?
Erica: can i?
the Doctor: i have to ask that every time i work with someone new.

* Monks: this isn't consent, this is strategy.
military leaders: surrender is a strategy?

* the Doctor: i'm afraid this is the end. the bomb.
Erica: stink bomb?
the Doctor: what?
Erica: did you fart?

* Bill: okay Doctor, i consented out of love, thanks to me you have your eyesight back.
the Doctor: but i still can't see the numbers on the lock!
Bill: what, why?!
the Doctor: the numbers are tiny, i can't see without my reading glasses, i'm old.

* Eccleston: this came so close to being 28 Days Later again. British virus and everything. zombies in monk cowls. i was so ready to finally come back to this damn show.