Doctor Who "Extremis"

learned:

* but who is the hologrammer?

* should it have been called "Veritas"? probably not.

* full disclosure before we begin, lapsed Catholic here, intrigued again after decades away thanks to Francis.

* okay, Show, you got me. i thought it was the Doctor gon be executed.

* Missy: just remember before i die, i was the more progressive one, Doctor. i became a woman before you. first!

* the Doctor: oh, i thought you were River. take that ridiculous monk hood off.
Nardole: i have permission to kick your arse.
the Doctor: from who?
Nardole: it's from whom.

* Bill: i can't believe i'm on a date with you.
date: is this cos i'm black?
Bill: no, cos you're hot.
the Pope enters and spews gibberish.
date: i gotta get out of here!
Bill: lapsed Catholic?
date: no, Italian major!

* the Doctor: so this is Oculus. why do i see Father John Misty fucking Taylor Swift?

* Nardole: the Pope requests an audience.
the Doctor: don't worry, Francis is a closet atheist, the Church is finally getting with the times.
Nardole: no, a Pope from the past.
the Doctor: ah, the Space Pope.

* Cardinal: do you want me to hear your confession?
Capaldi: i never wanted to play the Doctor. i only did this cos DuckTales fell through.

* Bill: why are the Harry Potter books in the forbidden section of the library?
the Doctor: those books are WAYYYYYYYYYY overrated.

* the Doctor: you Monks have bad skin because you never get out. there's more to life than the monastery. there's the hologram.

* official: do you have clearance to be in the Pentagon?
Bill: it's weird hearing a black woman speak with an American accent.

* Bill: what's this?
Nardole: it's a whole bunch of those black monoliths from 2001 painted white.

* Bill: why are we all saying the same numbers?
Nardole: cos the scientist is cute and we want to impress him.
Bill: speak for yourself. are those explosives?
Nardole: nah. who uses sticks of red dynamite anymore? what is this, a Wile E. Coyote cartoon?

* Nardole, crying: Bill! it turns out i've never been real!
Bill: y'know, mate, you've always had one of those faces. like how could someone actually have that face?

* Bill: the blood. the pills. is that who i think it is?
the Doctor: come on, this wishful-thinking frenzy can't last forever. he made a good Muslim speech today, give him a chance.

* the Doctor: what if i told you maths was a demon?
Bill: i'd believe that.

* the Doctor: pseudorandomness.
Bill: it's tough enough when life is random. you're saying it's fake and gay as well?

* the Doctor: it's like all of life is one big Super Mario game.
Bill: you've been shrooming again haven't you Doctor?
the Doctor: it's medicinal.

* the Doctor: you forgot one thing, foul alien, email!
alien: the joke's on you, it's Windows 1.0 email!
the Doctor: no! not that horrible modem sound! i've gone deaf as well!

* the Doctor H?

* the Doctor: set up a date with that girl.
Bill: the one who's out of my league?
the Doctor: she's not, she's gay.

* Gallifreyan: my Apple watch is on the fritz. it's going bonkers! is this cos i'm black?
the Doctor: uh, um, i don't think so?

* Missy: i am your friend. i want to live. i'll turn.
the Doctor: truth is found in the dark. without reward.
Missy: humor me with an ice cream.
the Doctor: i think you're confusing virtue with the Good Humor Man.

* "Extremis" vs. "Heaven Sent", taking all bets...