Justice League Action "Speed Demon"

learned:

* Zatanna: you stole my boyfriend! i'm gonna let you have it!
Harley: no, that's another iteration of me, where we're friends and i have no morals. this is the iteration of me where i'm still evil.

* Zatanna: FUCK YOU!
Harley: shouldn't it be KCUF UOY?

* Batman: you know you really do look silly wearing a magician's top hat and tails on the streets.
Zatanna: no tail, man. i'm married to the writer Paul Dini.
Batman: this looks like the fiendish work of that degenerate Brother Night.
Zatanna: i hear he's a dj now.
Batman: my point stands.

* monster guard: there's a lot of illegal activity going on inside this club.
other monster guard: i know. deep house is a crime. the future is V A P O R W A V E

* patron: do you resent having to wear that skimpy skin-tight dress?
waitress: it's not like when i'm naked at my other job.
patron: stripper?
waitress: no. i'm a monster. monsters don't wear clothes.

* Zatanna: you Evil-Lyn wannabe!
Ember: that's more insulting than insulting my breath.

* Brother Night: you could be an actual real bat.
Batman: i'm not gonna sugar-coat it. this costume is itchy as fuck.

* Zatanna: you Maleficent wannabe!
Ember: your words are more hurtful than words used to cast evil spells.

* Zatanna: need a tune-up?
Batman: you said you were married.
Zatanna: no, the demonic Batmobile.
Batman: i don't care about that hunkajunk, it's a rental.

* Brother Night: isn't it fun driving at night?
Batman: no! i can tolerate many things. but not speeding. anything but speeding!

* Batman: turn into Etrigan, Jason!
Jason Blood: you don't need Etrigan, you need a mechanic.
Batman: Mick Kanic of Power Rangers Ninja Steel is off this Saturday. and like for the next six months or something.
Jason Blood: no Power Rangers the whole summer?! these hiatuses are brutal.

* Batman: you're gonna rhyme the whole time?
Etrigan: i was denied having Dr. Seuss read to me as a child. this is how i cope as an adult.

* Etrigan: the lovely mage must not be fried...
Batman: forget it, buddy, she's married to some hotshot writer.

* Etrigan: hit a mailbox, letters flew everywhere. no matter. nobody writes letters anymore.

* man petting dog: Lady, do you want some ice cream?
dog: why do humans think we want your disgusting human food? i want Tramp. where's Tramp at? i want to fuck Tramp.

* Etrigan: turn that cop car into a pig.
Merlin turns Etrigan into a pig.
Merlin: not cool, man. i was MI-5 before becoming a wizard.

* Zatanna: thanks. get me out of this!
Batman: you don't like to be bound and gagged?
Zatanna: only when Paul Dini writes it.

* Etrigan: you scream, i definitely scream, we all scream...
Zatanna: oooh, sprinkles.
Etrigan: you like more than vanilla, lovely mage?
Batman: got any of those ice creams in the shape of a giant foot with a bubblegum as the big toe? i love licking those.
Zatanna: you're a foot freak?
Batman: i spend all of my time alone in a cave looking at a computer. now to fix this rental. it's filled with chocolate.
Etrigan: that's not chocolate. sorry.