The Shivering Truth "Tow and Shell"

notes:

* last time: that goth poet continues to really need to be Johnny Weir

* not associated at all with the band Tool except the Claymation part. or sponsored by Big Gas.

* for all those who are bullied…

* Vernon Chatman is really into the recurring theme of service-aid workers on the phone. there seems to be a long history of that with him. i think that's where he first learned that humanity was just another insignificant number waiting to be helped put on hold. i wouldn't be surprised to see suicide-hotline operator on his resume.

* Vernon: everytime you lie a dead cat falls from the sky.
Jim Morrison from his crystal ship: far-out lyrics, man. but as the station head i can't allow that imagery for kidults.
Vernon: okay, falling dead rats?
Jim: better.
Vernon: so what's Farout like?
Jim: it's, like, far-out, man.

* 911: 911 what's your emergency? can you believe we're still cashing in the ratings? what is our rake made of? i mean they were doing this same old shit back when Captain Kirk was riding the ambulance.
father: um, i killed my wife. or my lover i'm confused. i mean i didn't kill them, they broke my heart.
911: sir, without women, your life and life itself is meaningless. you realize this, right?
father: yes. without those two women i can't self-actualize. so what i did was big and dumb.
911: it doesn't matter the women. look out your window, sir, see the neon lights? that fat woman by the window? you like the chubby circus ones, right? we know from your internet history.
father: all i see is a pineapple roasting over a spit. my name is Squidward and i need my comfort clarinet or i'm about to break.

* father: great, now that my son can't hear me i think he's a spazz or something.
lover: you really are Father of the Year.
father: want me to kill you?
lover: aren't you supposed to do that to your wife? so me your lover and you can be free?
father: fine, you do it then.
lover: we all watched the competing Long Island Lolita tv-movies when they came out Christmastime on NBC...

* kid: i have a painfully cute voice which makes my sadness all the more sobering. i borrowed that trick from the South Park gang with Ike and the other little brothers and sisters on that show. you can't resist the voice, instant empathy.

* kid: teacher, i think my shell is magic, i can hear things.
teacher: all shells are magic, you hear the ocean, right?
kid: well i'm hearing streams and torrents...

* lover: don't touch me there, you bad man.
father: oh, you like that, baby?
lover: no, you're seriously a bad man.
father: Krakatoa!
lover: not cool, Squidward.

* kid: teacher, what do you do, where do you go, when your father hates you?
teacher: turn to your class, they'll help you out.
kid: but they're all laughing.
teacher: laughing is our human defense-mechanism against the dark truth of death we cannot face.
kid: can you be my daddy?
teacher: i never wanted kids, that's why i became a teacher.

* teacher: kid, don't hold the shell to your ear. there, better now? you don't hear anything, including your nightmares.
kid: teacher, did you always want to be a teacher?
teacher: i was convinced one day i'd run into a kid i taught who would show me the way, my purpose. you are that beautiful blond boy.
kid: i don't like where this is going, i've heard stories. i'm trying to keep it together, not to cry cos boys don't cry. plus my classmates are all crying for me.
teacher: holy shit that one girl turned into an old woman. an old woman who looks like my old teacher! that's gotta be a sign! i'm either training the next generation or i should leave this profession immediately.

* teacher smashes shell with hammer.
teacher: i can't hear no more!
kid: you smashed your own eardrum! you can't kill nature, you can't kill the ocean! where are you going?
teacher: i found these blue jewels in your cat!
kid: those are the ocean's droppings.
teacher: well at least i can sell this shell. this shell is one big pooka shell, right? as long as it's not the famous Conch...
kid: boys my age are very susceptible...

* kid: i wish that happened reverse, i'd come out of the shell as a cat and you'd be the kid.
cat: *licking himself* kid do you have any idea how complicated my life is?

* operator: you can only get help if you have the Deluxe Plan. you have the Black American Express Card?
Vernon: no, i'm not black. tho everyone mistakes me for black.
operator: congratulations, you're now part of the media elite! are you an ambulance chaser?
Vernon: no.
operator: well you betta learn. you're gonna have to run after the ambulance when it passes by your location. we stop for no man.
father: i don't know if it's more depressing to be Squidward or O.J. Simpson.

* kid: and so i murdered the ocean. what happened to the earth after you ask? it was saved, global warming started to cool again and the ozone was repaired. but i have to keep a daily watch, a steady vigil, with my gun pointed at the sea or it all goes back to the 2030 Countdown Clock again. i have to remain in this position forever. never eating. my elbow hurts.
teacher: no guns allowed in the classroom.
operator: you wanna switch shifts?

* Vernon: what happened to the pig-snout end credits?
Squidward: hey i'm not THAT ugly! yes my nose runs sometimes when i get sick. i'm allergic to the sea...