Power Rangers Ninja Steel "Abrakadanger"

learned:

* come on! Abrakadanger? this was your one chance to name a Power Rangers episode with a tennis title. this opportunity will never come again.

* Principal: this strange metallic package came for you. at your school address, not your home address.
Preston: LOOT CRATE!
Principal: no, it's anthrax.
Preston: no, that's next week's villain.

* i play tennis. well i did. trust me, tennis players don't have muscles.

* Calvin: i never knew you played tennis.
Hayley: neither did i.

* the writers finally got around to seeing Harry Potter.

* the writers finally got around to seeing Star Wars.

* Mick: don't look at the back of the book for the answers.
Preston: but that's where the Dean Koontz blurb is.

* Sarah: hey Princess Viera, when are you coming back?
Viera: after the hiatus...

* Preston: my wand looks like a crowbar. i'm bad to the bone. i'm like Jeremy Lin.

* Preston: i can make things disappear!
Sarah: why are you pointing your wand at my crotch?

* Hayley: NOOOO! why'd you make me invisible?!
Chip Lynne: we can't afford to pay you anymore. we had to cut down on your appearance fees.

* Zoe Robins: you're replacing me with a flying white towel? i know what that's code for. i quit!

* Calvin: here, i took my pants off for you.

* Mick: i've got it! the perfect disguise for you, Hayley. you can wear your White Ranger uniform!

* Abrakadanger turns two foot soldiers into balloons.
Chip Lynne: you killed them. there were people in those costumes.

* Principal: we are gathered here on this hot 100-degree day and i still have my jacket on. why do we have a chair umpire for high-school tennis? and why the fuck does that chair umpire get an umbrella and i don't!

* tennis contest?

* Victor: what are you wearing? a welder's mask?
Hayley: eclipse glasses.

* Victor: i'm Isner, all i've got is a fast serve.

* Calvin: alright honey, this is your new racquet. we blew the entire budget of the show on this. if you break it, you have nothing. we can't use CGI anymore for the rest of the season.

* the school: *screaming* SHE HAS NO HEAD!
Principal: wait. it could just be a camera trick. bad CGI. let me put on my glasses to confirm.

* Preston: do the dab.
Hayley: but i can't see.
Preston: that's the point. you do the dab so you can't see.

* take 1
Victor: THAT'S NOT A ROBOT ARM!!! THAT'S MY REAL ARM!!! TOO MUCH STEROIDS!!!

* take 2
Hayley: how can you serve a real fireball?
Victor: i'm the new Ranger. i'm replacing Redbot.
Redbot: i'm a better actor than you and i can't use my face.

* Levi: he tossed me clear across the country. i'm in New Jersey.
Chip Lynne: goodbye, Levi, you're off the show.

* Preston: rubber duckie? a floating potted plant? what is this, Sesame Street?

* Mick: i think i'll take up tennis and become a pro in one day.
Preston: that's what Federer did.
Mick: ah yes, but Roger didn't use magic. Roger is a religious experience.

* Preston: i am determined not to cheat. i'm not gonna take any shortcuts anymore. burn the CliffsNotes. this is gonna take some time.
Hayley: how long?
Preston: until after the hiatus.

* Preston: i can turn anything into food? we can use this power to solve world hunger.
Chip Lynne: no, just use it to feed the staff.

* Redbot: hey, you just used a green wig, that's not a real hair spell, you're cheating!

* Mick: never use the Impenetrable Barrier spell. it's black magic. only one dark wizard has ever attempted it.
Preston: what happened to this dark wizard?
Mick: there was this whole thing with the Electoral College...

*  return all tools by Lent

* Abrakadanger: they were turtles all along?
Chip Lynne: Budweiser dropped us. they said i needed a sponsor for my drinking. are you guys ready for a Super Team-Up with TMNT again?

* Brody: this is gonna be epic!
Preston: nothing is epic anymore in the internet age.

* the writers finally got around to seeing Kiki's Delivery Service.
Chip Lynne: pantsu.

* Sarah: all that matters is that you look good in that babydol tennis dress, girl.

* Hayley: so i just keep serving till i win the game?
Victor: no actually i'm supposed to hit the ball back.

* Victor: what surface is this tennis court?
Principal: poo.

* Monty: if you're not first you're last.
Victor: i got 2nd Place. the ratings came in this week, Monty. this is the lowest-rated Power Rangers show of all time. do you know who the fans are blaming? us two. they want to kill Victor and Monty. i'm gonna start drinking again. you couldn't have given me a win this week, writers?