Doctor Who "The Doctor Falls"

learned:

* for the record, i've always loved Moffat. i've thought of him as a kindred writing spirit. he has the same ticks as me, he throws his chair back to the wall and stands to write the endings of his scripts cos the crescendo comes and it's too exciting to stay seated. he names his characters and villains the same way i would, same mode of thinking. he plans, which i don't frankly. i've never understood the weird internet hate of him. i was your day-one, Steven, and i'm gonna miss your fro. yes he always seems tired but everyone in this world is tired. chapstick for that sweaty stiff upper lip. you're brilliant, buddy.

* can i take the time now to recognize the cool promotional images each Doctor Who episode has? do you know of any other show which does this?

* this review will not be an extra 30 minutes

* this episode was bluetiful. i love when they use as little light as possible in the camera and everything is overcast. very British, very rainy, very Cardiff.

* the Doctor: i'm afraid we haven't met.
the Master: Simm. pleasure. big fan.
the Doctor: i didn't vote for you.
the Master: do you hear the drums?
the Doctor: in my head, yes.

* the Doctor: i hear next series they're gonna cast a beautiful Companion.
Pearl Mackie: i'm standing right here.
the Doctor: sorry, it's tricky when i look at you and see a hunk of junk.

* Nardole: so what is a Mondasian Cyberman?
Pearl Mackie: they use their miner-helmet lights to kill the Doctor then leave him to die in the TARDIS for being a bellend.

* the Master: woman can i borrow your bra?
Bill: i burned my bras, bub. and you didn't fool me, i saw right through you. that was some pretty weak Klingon makeup.

* Missy: sorry, can't do it. didn't bring my shoes.

* the Doctor: i predicted Trump. i sent the code to switch the internets to include Time Lords on the Cyberman lunch menu. and i sent Trump that wrestling reddit meme...

* Nardole: i heard you the first time. and i don't agree. i've proven throughout this season i wasn't useless.

* little girl: i'm not young Bill.

* the Doctor: the thing is, they're scarier as scarecrows.

* the Doctor: perception filter. old Hollywood trick.

* Bill: when you look in the mirror, what do you see?
the Doctor: fabulous hair.

* dude, i totally predicted the tears of oil or human salty water thing!

* Bill: what's that yellow thing on your hand?.
the Doctor: suntan lotion. see the review below.

* Nardole: it's a real barnburner this one!
Hazran: i'll try anything once...
Nardole: i taste like a boiled egg.

* Missy: what? i used to be an elevator girl at Grace Brothers.

* Nardole: see this? *explosion* *laser gun explosion* life isn't real, it's a video game.

* the Doctor: at least some will survive. i do this to be kind. love trumps hate. kindness trumps mean. one day even you two will die and have to meet your Maker. the First Master.
the Master: i didn't hear a word you said.
the Doctor: you're pretty young to need a hearing aid.

* the Doctor: please Missy, join me, it's all i've ever wanted. there's good in you.
Missy: thank you for trying, love, but no, just no. no reason.
the Doctor: wow. nothing? Steven's not gonna like this. he worked on that speech for two years.

* Missy: where's your TARDIS?
the Master: in my pants.

* Missy: why did you change into me? empathy?
the Master: okay i admit it, i'm a huge Mary Poppins fan. it's my favorite movie.
the Master: ah, the ol' slip the mickey. cept the mickey is a knife. y'know the point of your umbrella is really dangerous. you should take it back to the factory. defective line should be discontinued.

* the Master: *laughing* we stabbed each other in the back! of course! poetic justice!
Missy: *crying* hilarious. except i wanted to be good.
the Master: what is that salty discharge coming out of your eyes?
*Seinfeld human mouth and lip pops and clicks*

* producers: wait, we can't kill the Master. or we have no show. whoops.

* Nardole: before my tearful goodbye, i just want to say one thing.
Bill: i love you, too, Nardole.
Nardole: no, Doctor, it's pronounced NARdole, emphasis on the first syllable.

* the Doctor: i thought i'd see stars.
Megan Fox appears.
the Doctor: nevermind.

* Bill: what is this? i feel funny.
Heather: you are you again. human, free from your robotic shackles.
Bill: oh no, is this gonna be another one of those the-power-of-love deals?
Heather: look at me. i was too hot to stay away.
Bill: you're right. the power of lust.

* Bill: the power of tears.
Heather: the power of sadness.
Bill: the power of emo.
Heather: well let's at least make it the power of goth.
Bill: you'd look hot in goth makeup...

* Heather: it's a different mode of living. what you reckon? all of time and space.
Bill: thank you, but no. i really like chips.

* Bill: are you the Thirteenth?
Heather: no. it would have been you, but with Moffat leaving the producers decided to start over.
Bill: damn you Moffat.

* the Doctor: no, i do not want this! i don't want to keep pretending to be another person i'm not!
Capaldi: yes i do! i want this! i want to leave this show badly! the factory ground me down!
the Doctor: no! i want to keep playing this part forever!
Capaldi: i REALLY had to act that last line.

* i swear for a  moment there i thought it was Nardole. the figure had the shape of Nardole...

* the First Doctor: it's me! Will!
the Doctor: Big Billy Shakespeare?
the First Doctor: that's TNT. no, William Atherton, the real William Atherton! you're dead.
Capaldi: well i knew i was old.

* the First Doctor: hey remember Shakespeare in Love? the insane buzz around that film?
the Doctor: the '90s were just a better time for all of us. makes me want to hop on a time machine or something and travel back there permanently.

* the Doctor: so, who's the next Doctor?
the First Doctor: Ben Affleck.