Archer 1999 "The Leftovers"

notes:

* is this the first Archer episode NOT written by Adam? he did a good job, it was either a very-good imitation of Adam's writing or he did a good job all on his own, it's hard to tell

* Archer: haven't you ever wanted to fly using a jetpack when you were a little boy, Lana?
Lana: no. and that only works in the sky, not in the space sky.

* Cyril: there! there!
Archer: we can't see where you're pointing, dumbass!
Cyril: sure you can, aren't we all watching the same show?

* Archer: WAKE UP, PAM!!!
Pam: no, WAKE UP, ARCHER!!! can we PLEASE get back to the spying now?

* Archer: for sandwiches.

* Archer: why should i change now? i've been going hard and strong for 10 seasons!
Malory: have you seen the ratings? have you seen facebook? everyone hates us now, we aren't funny anymore, people have gotten sick of us.
guest writer: just to be clear, that is all ADAM's fault, i had nothing to do with the writing.

* Archer: i'm naming him Benedict.
Cheryl: cos he's cute like Cumberbatch, right? you want to eat him...or his eggs anyway. whole batch of eggs...i'll turn out to be the Arnold traitor in the end...

* Cyril: call me a party-pooper if you must but, like, you're eating this thing's babies, that's why it's so mad and feral and disgusting, think about it the next time you eat eggs, you're hurting that poor chicken's feelings.

* Krieger: *takes the pile of eggs* i'll FINALLY know what it's like to be a woman...

* Malory: why are you eating all the eggs?
Pam: facebook wants Cocaine Pam back.

* Lana: so you're just formaldehyde?
Malory: look at me. i'm a gilf, right? i'm still hot? i'm hot for my age?
Archer: definitely.
Malory: i haven't eaten anything since i did Follies on Broadway in 1934.
Archer: that's a long time ago cos this is 1999.

* Cyril: Jimmy Buffet's music is good.
Archer: no it is not! it never has been! it's just everybody listens to Jimmy Buffet music while they're drunk!

* Archer: you slept with Cyril?
Lana: yes.
Archer: did he keep his glasses on?

* Lana: we aren't funny anymore so we might as well attract viewers the old-fashioned way: with cartoon porn that is anything but old-fashioned.
guest writer: again, not my fault, i'm new here.

* Cheryl: i want to get eaten...not like that.
Krieger: seriously, what is wrong with you?
Cheryl: nothing. i just want to see the world burn.
Krieger: there won't be an Earth there when we get back home, huh?
Cheryl: you're welcome.

* Archer: it writes itself. "George Train Ran A Train Cos He Was Embarrassed Of His Middle Name Francis", there's your song title.
Ray: nothing writes itself! you know how long it took Lin-Manuel to write Hamilton?
Archer: there's no way that guy wrote that. you take one look at him and you know something stinks. William Shakespeare wrote Hamilton.

* Archer: i can't no more.
Lana: i said i wanted to jump your bones.
Archer: yeah but not literally! my ejaculate is literally dust! i am literally a skeleton! i can't conceive a child anymore! i thought this wasn't possible but you've oversexed me!
Lana: *crying* i'm thinking of Little Baby Seamus. he's still out there somewhere floating in space?
Archer: *crying* yep. and he ain't so little...

* Archer: WHY'D YOU KILL BENEDICT!!?
Cheryl: you said that musical sucked! stop yelling at me, you're not my supervisor!
Lana: Cheryl, you know that isn't your mucus, right? that's rubber cement.
Pam: you can't cook with rubber cement.
Cheryl: *stirring* give it a few minutes, the reduction will be ready in a moment.

* Pam: Patton eat my nuts!
Cyril: your nuts are bigger than mine.
Pam: i have a cloaca, it's just you can't see it cos it's a stone cloaca.
Archer: the best George S was Clinton, she had the stones to be prez.

* Archer: which minor character exploded just now?
Lana: Archer.
Archer: ouch. i'd rather be dead than a beta.