Archer 1999 "Happy Borthday"

notes:

* Bort: wouldn't it have been less confusing to name it Bortday? my name is Bort, not Borth. i do like broth tho. broth with bones in it. i'd just like to take this time to give a shout-out to all the veterans, D Day stemmed the tide and made it possible for the Earth to eventually conquer my planet. and believe me, my planet deserved it.

* that's a real date but not a real time...

* Pam: like if i had to be a creature, why not those cute Star Wars crystal ewoks or something?

* EMP=electrodance moshing party!

* Barry 6: i have a huge range of many emotions, it's just i was born with the wrong face...

* Archer: holy shitsnacks! IT'S ROBOT CHICKEN!!!
Seth Green: i don't want to talk about recent events.
Archer: Jesus Hannibal Christ.
Barry: wait, Jesus's middle name is Hannibal? that explains so much.
Archer: yeah, the whole Eat the Body of Me thing.

* Barry: wait, who has the nuclear football now?
Archer: someone who never played football...

* Archer: so i have an Oedipus complicated thing with my mom or something, so don't mind all the cum everywhere as i watch this fight.
Malory: quick, Sterling, use the cum to lube your wrists out of the cuffs!

* Archer: why'd you do it, Mother!!?
Malory: you've been peacocking in front of me your whole life, Sterling, it's mama's turn!!!

* Pam: my boner smells. but it makes sense, right? cos it's all about going to the bathroom...

* Barry: lose the armor, too, ladies, let's keep this GOT-realistic, gotta fill the void now.

* Krieger: wow, robot cum tastes like milk! did Philip K. Dick know about this? come to think of it, i look EXACTLY like Philip K. Dick!
Archer: Krieger, eat a bag of a buffet of dicks.
Krieger: yep yep yep. in fact i just may BE Philip K. Dick! who's the clone and who's the master here!!!?

* Barry: weenie roast.
Archer: remember the KROQ Weenie Roast in Los Angeles in the '80s? good times, good times, simpler times, nostalgic times.
Barry: you were alive then?
Archer: sure, i auditioned for Filmation He-Man and got a callback. one callback.
Malory: WAKE UP, ARCHER, YOU'RE DREAMING!!!

* Archer: so, do you teabag?
green alien babe: yes. but you can only do it once.
Archer: congratulations on the Asian representation on tv.
green alien babe: what, just cos i'm green you think i make green tea?

* Archer: it's all in the delivery.
Barry: thanks Jeff Bezos.
Archer: can't blame Jeff Bezos for everything.

* Ray: i better not just be eating cake this season. now i know how it feels to be a female character on any tv show.

* Malory: a mudslide with tits.
Pam: *after crying* wait, is that like a cocktail or something?

* Bort: why do i feel like Ricky Schroder from Silver Spoons in the '80s?

* Barry's subordinate: joke's on you, boss, i can't die.

* Archer: cereal brings people together. worked for the Alien crew after that one dude lost a stomach.
silence
Archer: my mother touched my cock!
stunned silence
Pam: this is like that stunned silence Ricky Gervais elicited when he talked about rape in The Office.

* Pam: you know how at the end of every one of our episodes, there's this strange long pause of, like, 15 seconds? what is that?

* Durant: it's over. sorry, guys.