The X-Files "This"

learned:

* GREATEST TITLE EVER

* this what? this song? this kiss? it should have been George Harrison, not Burt Reynolds. Faith Hill should dye her hair red just to see...

* speaking of this, is it just me or is David Duchovny just not really into this?

* Dean Haglund is alive. he just looks like a skeleton.

* land-line? oh yeah forgot this was a '90s series.

* Mulder: we're sleeping together. on my couch.
Scully: how did they know where to find you?
Mulder: probably that I WANT TO BELIEVE poster plastered on my wall there. should probably take that down.

* Scully: wanna do a shootout?
Mulder: nah. i'm too old for this shit.

* army head: we are Russian. we're your friends. we help you out. what you want?
Mulder: more video games, less guns.
Scully: oh, so we have to pretend this is happening under Trump? show me your papers.
army head: we surrender.

* Skinner: surrender. i'll explain later.
Scully: TELL ME THE TRUTH!!! or i swear i'll call you Walter again!
Mulder: what did he say?
Scully: couldn't make him out between the land-line and the Langly ghost.

* Scully: don't only married couples do the three-legged race?

* Skinner: you guys need money?
Scully nods.
Skinner tosses her some air.
Skinner: bitcoin.

* Mulder: i love graveyards. they remind me of my youth.
Scully: i lost my virginity in a graveyard.
Mulder: oh. i was gonna say this graveyard reminds me of the ghost level in Zelda.

* Mulder: Deep Throat. the tombstone's wrong, it should say Mark Felt.
Scully: that was my favorite all-time porno.

* Mulder: wait, how can zombies shoot straight?

* Scully: omg this bran muffin is so good.
Mulder: stop bragging about your poon, Scully, we all know.
Scully: can't say AT&T Building, huh?
Mulder: copyright. patent pending. not until it becomes the Disney Building.
Scully: why are you trying to kiss me? Blarney is the codename.

* Skinner: everything is online now, including the X-Files. no more secrets, the public know all about you two, you guys are famous.
Mulder: the Frohike Scully fap pics?
Skinner: nothing in that file. just an empty link to another file. misdirection. classic codename.
Mulder: i'm sick of these codenames.
Skinner: Frohike was responsible for the Fappening, though. the full name of that file is the Frohike Fappening.
Scully: maybe it was a good idea to take a long break from this show.

* Sandrine Holt, as i live and breathe. if a Canadian sci-fi show ever existed, Sandrine Holt starred in one episode of it.

* Scully: who the fuck is shooting at you?
Sandrine: some guy who looked like a tech genius. they couldn't find work after the techlash.
Mulder: what do you teach?
Sandrine: Rhetoric of course.
Scully: that's so romantic. you wanted to join Langly in Consciousness for eternity.
Sandrine: yeah. college is a waste of time. why read the Bible if you can get the CliffsNotes?

* Mulder: sticking my finger down my throat...........that's where the microchip is...

* Langly: Heaven is cool. but it sucks. there's nothing to do anymore. but there's nothing to do. the Ramones are here, but they're all Spanish novela hunks. there are hot dogs, but they disappear into the doughnut holes. now you know what doughnut holes are for. the Patriots always lose, yet Tom Brady still got Gisele.

* Mulder: this is the greatest mystery of them all: how do you look so good at your age?
Barbara Hershey: no plastic surgery. women are finally free to be women. we can be the chairman of the board now.
Mulder: speaking of reality, i never knew you were real. i thought you lived inside my tv box cos you were always crying from behind the screen. i thought you were a trapped chocolate heiress.
Barbara: the world will be destroyed. all the people and all the animals.
Mulder: at least save the animals. tell me, what does God look like?
Barbara: she looks an awful lot like Mother Nature. quick, think of your father.
Mulder: yeah you're right. i thought of that other guy, not the Cigarette-Smoking Man.

* Scully: is this that staircase that is impossible? you go up it and you find yourself at the bottom of it?
Mulder: no, that's the Fox props department recognizing what this show is and cutting their losses. hey Dana, you know i perform my best magic handcuffed.
Scully: of course you do, Fox, they're magic handcuffs, they can be opened by pushing a secret button in the back.

* Mulder: um..............................don't you have your own place?

* dude! it's the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk song!