Doctor Who "The Pilot"

learned:

* if Capaldi can quit why can't i?

* the pilot, Moffat wants to start over. or this is the quintessential pilot episode of the show if it was a new show in 2017, this is what it would look like. pretty good. i like the Doctor as a doctor of philosophy.

* before we begin i'm saying right now upfront before we start i'm not into this anymore. something changed through the years. it became more of a drag than fun, something i had to watch rather than needing to watch. for street cred.

* i'm sure this show will suck me back in after a long break as always.

* wait, Class? more Doctor Who? spinoff? hell no, that's too much, sorry.

* first impressions: i like Bill. i can't understand a word Bill is saying but i like Bill.

* Bill Potts just sounds like Harry Potter's dad.

* chips specialist, that is all-time

* so time doesn't exist. or time exists and we don't really exist.

* Bill is concerned for the fat. Bill will never get fat cos Bill has a high metabolism. Bill can eat all the chips she wants but that's besides the point.

* just bring back River. her picture is right there.

* why is the Doctor always shown as being a creepy stalker with a camera?

* there's something about this show and Christmas. it always comes back to Christmas. Christmas is the end of everything. there's always that same scene with the Christmas cracker and paper crowns.

* stepmom trolling for dates at a pub? this can't end well.

* gives new meaning to puddle-jumper

* water is terrifying cos it's the essence of all life

* see that's what Moffat and Hitchcock only knew. the scary part of the Psycho shower scene was the water, not the knife.

* lesbian, yes! okay, finally, the fanfiction shipping wars will be nice and calm.

* perpetuating the gingers with no souls thing

* the Doctor: meet me for office hours.
the Doctor: wow, we actually did work during office hours. i tutored you and there was no sex.
Bill: for the first time in history, Doctor, there will be absolutely no sexual tension between you and the Companion.
the Doctor: well there was Catherine Tate...........but i just found Catherine Tate to be repugnant in every way.

* can someone help me out? what does Bill say? kung fu? feng shui? it does look like a posh kitchen though. what came first, the Iron Chef set or this TARDIS?

* Bill: what does TARDIS mean in Martian?
the Doctor: Taco Bell And Running Deportment ICE Sucks...........i thought you said Mexican

* Nardole. why? think about it in terms of strict finance. why pay Nardole? you think the show could work without a Companion, just the Doctor going on adventures?.........probably not, you'd lose half the audience who aren't science nerds and merely use the show to fap for an hour. keep that stuff for the radio dramas.

* the Doctor: students are useless.
Bill: teachers are useless.
Nardole: i am useless.
Dalek: EXTERMINATE!
the Dalek exterminates Nardole.
the Doctor: thank you.
Bill: thank you.
Dalek: you're welcome.

* Bill: what are you boys fiddling with in the basement?
Nardole: um, nothing, we were just masturbating each other.
the Doctor: don't you know a sci-fi nerd's sanctuary is his basement? no girls allowed!

* Bill: why do you have a star for an iris?
ginger: cos i'm a fucking pop star, mate.

* Bill: my whole life i've been searching. for what i never knew. turns out she found me. i was searching for someone who was searching for me.
ginger: thank you that is so poetic. you're making me blush. it's hard to tell but i'm blushing.
Bill: no you aren't the one. my soul mate is someone else. you're hot, though, and will be my first firebush.

* Bill: i could have traveled the entire universe with my ginger girlfriend. sex amongst the stars. i was gonna call her Ginger Galaxy Girlfriend or Gal for short.
the Doctor: no. it's better to remain a rational nobody who will search for her long-lost mum and never find her and get fat off chips and eventually die.

* Bill: okay do your worst. but would you like to be wiped?
the Doctor: yes thank you, i haven't wiped my own ass in years.
Bill: no i mean have all your wonderful memories of all the fantastic otherworldly places you've been erased just like that? poof. you have to ask yourself: are you gonna be a tv-recapper all your life or are you finally gonna be an actor?

* Bill: what changed your mind?
the Doctor: i'm old. i'm REALLY fucking old now and i'm GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT

* yep. sucked. me in