Archer 1999 "Robert De Niro"

notes:

* great, so i have to see Awakenings now? i don't have time for all these bucket lists in summer!

* Archer: so i'm not allowed to reference To Kill A Mockingbird, right?

* Ray: and now i will preside over this court cos this is MY story!

* Archer: what is that behind you? are you the Sun God Ra or is this Flash Gordon?
Ray: i'm a courtesan! not whatever biracial potluck you're dreaming of now.

* Cheryl: wait, holodeck? OHHHHHHH, now i get it, these last three seasons have been on the holodeck!

* Cheryl: sqaush court...
Pam: oh, i thought you said smash court...

* Archer: kangaroo court...
Cyril: haven't you heard? America's a banana republic now.

* Lana: with a magazine...
Cheryl: in my defense, that was the first issue of Omni, priceless on the black market.

* Malory: what? my character was based off Marlene Dietrich.

* Archer: TV's Michael Gray, pathetic, trying to pawn off a Princess Bride quote as your own, i don't know what Marcia Brady ever saw in you...

* Krieger: why is Barry attacking us?!!
Malory: rent's due. i told you.

* Archer: make that growling sound again, Lana.

* Barry: we're not gay, we're just a tightly-knit group of alien baseball players. from Cuba.

* 50-cent blowjobs, otherwise known as an Old Fashioned

* Barry: what the fuck, stud? you killed all my men!
Cyril: told you i was good at video games.

* Archer: why are you doing this, Barry?
Barry: cos you fucked my girlfriend. in her butthole. if it had been her front we'd be cool.

* this montage at the end here makes me sad, it reminds me of that last Anthony Bourdain montage

* Michael Gray: that's me! i really did own a flower shop in real life!

* Adam Reed: yeah, so we really did think this would be the series finale. one episode for us takes 3 years. the Venture Bros crew leave me prank-texts on my Insta DMs all day long.

* Malory: ARCHER! i'm so glad you're finally woke!
Archer: please, Mother.
Malory: i need a drinking partner DESPERATELY. all my ladies left me!

* Archer: you know, the first criminal stalking in history?
black nurse: wha?
Archer: guess you're not a baseball fan.

* Archer: why is all your stuff here?
Malory: the railroad station marble floors are too cold.
Archer: you have only one hobo suitcase?
Malory: all you really need in life is maraschino cherries.
Archer: please don't tell me we're really not rich. if so i'm going back to coma.

* Archer: where's Lana?
Malory: there's time for all that later.
Adam: not for me, i'm gone from this tire fire. why do i get the sinking feeling that Lana's not gonna be on the show next year...

* Malory: you know, the real love story here this decade of shows is really between you and i, mother and son. like i said at Comic Con, Malory loves Archer desperately, but she doesn't know how to show it.
Archer: Season 11 isn't gonna just be online, right?

* Malory: you have to see me as a person, not as your mother. Burt Reynolds gave you that advice.
Archer: Burt Reynolds is dead.
Malory: for reference, watch the Family Ties episode with me with Elyse and Alex P. Keaton your hero on this exact subject. or any of the Sarah Jane Adventures…
Archer: again, dead. fine, but just don't tell me Little Baby Seamus is ours…

* you know, the greatest thing Archer ever did was completely normalize an interracial relationship. right? when you think of Lana and Archer, the LAST thing you think about is that Lana is black and Archer is white. it's the furthest thing from your mind, admit it.