The X-Files "Founder's Mutation" Episode Discussion

learned:

* worker: i keep hearing weird sounds in my ear.
coworker: stick a Q-tip all the way into your ear, works every time.

* worker: none of you at the table hear that?
Edgar Allan Poe: that's your conscience, buddy.
a murder of crows lands all across the lawn outside.
Edgar Allan Poe: *creepy smile* they follow me everywhere.

* Scully: he killed himself with a letter opener.
Mulder: people still write letters? it could be that condition where some people can hear sounds others can't.
Scully: like when you never answer my texts?
Mulder: i got my pager on silent, the CIA is spying on me.

* victim's brother: please be gentle with me, it's my first time.
Mulder: same with me. wait, are we talking about the same thing? on the count of 3, let's both blurt out what we're talking about. 1, 2, 3...
victim's brother: gay sex.
Mulder: gay sex.
Mulder: okay, just making sure. oh, please don't tell Scully about this, she's religious.

* Scully: i had to break the victim's fingers to get at the message on his palm.
Mulder: it reads "Baba Booey".

* hot doctor's-assistant struts her stuff, has one line, and will be the key to everything come "My Struggle II".

* one child in the lab has an enormous mouth.
child: hey, didn't your mother teach you not to stare at someone eating?

* Scully: where are your parents?
another child with a head/cap deformity: what are parents?
Scully: would you like to come home with me and wait for your new brother William?
child: only if i get a cool name like Gibson Praise.

* young mother pregnant with child: help me, i need to get out of this asylum.
Mulder: why?
Nurse Ratched: sex is the devil's plaything.
Scully: i see what you mean.
young mother: yeah, that's my mom. she's jealous of me. in fairness, i did steal her boyfriend. this was supposed to be her baby.

* Mulder: you don't like cats?
doctor's wife: sorry. too many cat videos, that's why i'm locked up in here.
Scully: Mrs. Doctor, can you tell us about the time you saw your daughter breathing underwater?
doctor's wife: i was shocked at first. but then it made sense. too many viewings of The Little Mermaid.

* the fetus breaks out of the doctor's wife's womb like cracking an eggshell, sticks its hand out to remove itself out into the open and casually walks away from the mother.
Mulder: okay so NOW can the debate be closed on when a fetus becomes a living thing?

* Scully: do you ever think of William?
Mulder: yeah, he's great as Cigarette-Smoking Man.

* Mulder: did you know everyone in Europe is descended from just three men who lived in the Bronze Age?
Scully: yeah, their names were Moe, Larry, and Curly.
Mulder: i was descended from Shemp.

* Scully points her gun at the young man who can cause people to suicide.
Scully: stop whatever it is you're doing.
young man: it's nothing to be ashamed of, masturbation is perfectly natural and healthy.
the young man's palms start to grow hair.

* young man: that's not my sister.
Mulder: no, that's MY sister!!! where the hell have you been?!!
Mulder's sister: New Jersey.

* Skinner: okay, i'm here at the crime scene as usual cleaning up your two's mess.
Mulder and Scully: we really appreciate it all these years, boss.
Skinner lights up a cigarette.
Skinner: oh shit, you two weren't supposed to see that!

* William: Mom, where do babies come from?
Scully: when a mommy human and daddy alien love each other very much...
Mulder: "we go to the moon because it is hahd. like pahking the cah in the yahd."
William: Dad, what does the Monolith mean?
Mulder: nobody really knows for sure. you'll find out when you get abducted.