The Venture Bros. "The Terminus Mandate"

notes:

* James Bond: stop mocking my film titles and making them better!

* Luke Skywalker: i was a padawan, a boy, and a judge. i've been a clown and a clown. and now, in my greatest role, i am Plasticman...

* Sheila: berets don't work on dudes. even Existentialist dudes.
Red Death: i make anything look good. on account of my face.
Sheila: i look like a cross between Chun-Li and M. Bison from Street Fighter.

* agent Dick: her name is...White Carmen Sandiego!

* Rusty: i don't want to kill her, i want to kill her with kindness i mean i want to ask her out.
Dick agent: but you already have a mother.
Rusty: what's her web address...get it?
Dick agent: Colin got there first. babes love funny guys.

* Dick agent: Penthouse forums...
Rusty: wow, you really did read it for the articles. orifices?
Dick agent: please. this is adult swim, not HBO.

* Sheila: White Rage, stumble over here. you look like Steve Kerr after the Warriors get swept by the Lakers in the First Round.
White Rage: i'm Johnny. all white men are Johnny. you were my ex-girlfriend...
Sheila: no.
White Rage: ex-mistress? same thing. can i lick this red lemon in memory of Pop Team Epic? you know what never mind that. don't come crawling to me...unless you're on your knees in twelve-inch heels.
Sheila: stop spitting your food out on me, you cretin.
White Rage: but i'm eating breath mints.

* White Rage: who are you supposed to be, Pasqually?
Phantom Limb: still a better love story than The Phantom Menace. i-uh-make-a-uh-the-pizza.
White Rage: what's your topping reco?
Phantom Limb: gluten-free.

* Sheila: can't find 13. probably better as 13 is unlucky. we 7 are lucky. you, Two Head, you count as one.
Two Head: no respect. never no respect.
Red Death: we did it all for the parking fees.
Two Head: just as well. we are of retirement age.

* Rusty: friend her, Hank! this is my last chance to bag a millennial! i haven't been touched since Hank's graduation.
Hank: gross.
Rusty: it actually was AT that graduation. i am a man. a pathetic man but a man. she's a courtesan. hey that rhymed. i mean she would know how to touch me more than, say, Hank's mother.

* Monarch: i'm happy for you. no i'm not. i used to have a career in science, too. i used to be Mighty. we used to have sex. you dropped me like a hot potato.
Sheila: i love you, sweetie, we can't have sex anymore cos it's not a good look for an Evil Head.
Monarch: *crying* no more Head head?

* Sheila: Gary, stop talking. i can't stand your voice. i will have an affair on your boss simply to spite you for that voice.
Gary: your voice is a chain-smoker's. isn't that calling the kettle black?
Sheila: you callin' me a witch with a b in her bonnet? yeah that was back in my Willy Wonka phase. all young girls have a Willy Wonka phase. so embarrassing. it was a blood diamond anyway...
Sheila: will you stop opening the cash bags! i already had my Smurfette phase!
White Carmen Sandiego: don't i look good in my wedding dress?
Sheila: i'm a career girl.
White Carmen Sandiego: don't believe the hype! who do you think you are, Melanie Griffith? news flash, sista, the fish out there ain't gonna be Antonio or Harrison.
Sheila: tell me about it. butterflies are so beautiful, i just noticed this as i was living my life. i'm on you like white on wedding rice!
White Carmen Sandiego: my boomerang bouquet is full of ragweed!

* Phantom Limb: i'm in the middle of filming a '70s porno.
Gathers: Let My Puppets Come?
Phantom Limb: no, but artistic like that. animation. adult animation. nothing better than adult animation.
Gathers: you bring the tape measure.
Phantom Limb: I shall do no such thing, sir! i shall bring the wood ruler! i'm sensitive about these things ever since my other extremities stopped existing.

* Wide Wale: how's my daughter?
Rob: who?
Wide Wale: you're my Staff Secretary, right?

* Dr. Z: see, I predicted ALL of this! i was the first one to make fun of classic Hanna-Barbera action superhero cartoons myself. i am responsible for the very creation of this network! i predicted the rise of House of Anubis.
Johnny: that guy still holds onto the character playing those PlayStation video games. but it just isn't the same. he doesn't have his raven with him anymore, he has an umbrella.
Dr. Z: Stormtroopers can't shoot, i did that first.

* Left: i hate you!
Right: but i'm a part of you. we are America.
Left: i know, this is going to be impossible. like Brexit.

* Two Head: i was so happy when i vomited that oatmeal out. it showed i could still eat.
Two Head: want to watch Downton Abbey?
Two Head: i've been watching this fine PBS program since its inception. every episode all these years. i still thought up until five minutes ago that it was DownTOWN Abbey.
Two Head: the nice Republican, right? Tim with the beard? looks like a monk.
Two Head: i want to fuck Violet from Downton Abbey. you know she's a firecracker under the sheets. gilfs are magic.
Skwisgaar: so are gilf gifs. i'm with you, patna. all of my groupie orgies are orgies with grannies. i can't help it.
Two Head: sorry about your show. at least there was a wrapup special. and those vinyl records for the hipsters.
Skwisgaar: not really. we still had, like, two seasons left...

* Red Death: respect your elders, sonny boy! (oooh i like the color of all these hanging Chinese lanterns.)
Red Death, jr.: i am in fact your son. i'm your boy. didn't you see my red fire flares in tribute? on my costume not my farts. i was trying to copy you. imitation and flattery and sincerity and all that mush.
Red Death: i thought you were trying to copyright me.

* Left/Right: i murdered you in the Observatory with the telescope by my other half!
Right/Left: in Clue, that is, not for real. not a real murder. none of this is real, it's all makebelieve pretend.

* Dean: i'm doing my best Madonna impression.
Rusty: just cos i dance around naked in my negligee at night don't make me Madonna.

* Rusty: BROCK! don't you believe in love? not every human being was born to be a weapon!
Dean: i feel so chilly out.
Rusty: GOTCHA! my jacuzzi is under the sheets of my bed!

* Hank: Pop can you sign this permission slip to the county zoo i mean that makes Sirena legal?

* Dean: don't drink. it just might save your life. just drink purple stuff.
Hank: but probably not purple drank.

* Gathers: the nuns taught me about measurements...

* Red Death: before hipsters with frosted tips, there was the noble death: by tick-tock, by clock, by measurement. gives you hope. false hope. what if the trains don't run on time? news flash, sista, we live on Nazi Earth!

* Guild members of the GCI: whoa! you actually killed your arch!? this is all supposed to be harmless cosplay fun, man, cosplay.
Red Death: you should have seen his eyes...
Red Death, jr: that was brutal. i think what i'm gonna hate you for most is forever ruining my childhood nostalgia of the Disneyland monorail.

* Dr. Z: can you leave my boy this note? sorry, i can't write anymore from constantly pointing my finger up in the air. btw nurse, can i borrow that table-tennis table? i'm in Naruto training for Tokyo 2020.
Dr. Z: visiting hours? is he in prison? where did i go wrong with him!?

* Sheila: Gary, you're gonna see me cry for the first time, i hope you're prepared.
Gary: i spend more time with you than your husband. my shoulder is soaked. wanna cut my hair?
Sheila: yes! i got the perfect rattail for you!
White Carmen Sandiego: you look good after all these years, missy!
Sheila: good animators, ensures no wrinkles nor need for expensive plastic surgery. and you are a goddess as always. you look like the personification of Lancôme skincream.
White Carmen: turn around and let me get a good look at your ass. it's nice. i can't see it cos i'm tall but it probably looks nice.
Sheila: i was always jealous of you.....................r purse.
Gary: when womyns hug, i pee a little in my mouth. it's just so beautiful, more female-on-female arching, please. it's genuine and Lifetime. is this what you would have done with Kimberly McManus?
Sheila: who?
Gary: the mole.

* Johnny Quest: so as you can see, i'm older now. a burnout Kurt Cobain.
Dr. Z: no, no, you look more like a young Jeff Conaway.
Johnny: this is getting awkward pausally.....................like Celebrity Rehab awkward.
Dr. Z: why were the ancient Greeks able to get away with so much kinky taboo stuff? cos they were smart? i'm smart. oh, can i keep the Anubis wolfhead? yeah i need it for football tailgate and my legal bills. Bill and OJ you see. can you please run around and hide one more time for old times' sake?
Johnny: i would but all the plants here are regulated...
Dr. Z: can i borrow your jogging pants? the drawstring on mine is always loose and my pants keep falling down.

* Two Head: our favorite band is Hoobastank! *makes the devil's fingers, twice*

* Rusty: ah, so i see you really are Carmen Sandiego with your dark tanned Spanish skin. fancy a booty call?
Carmen: i've never heard those words placed in that exact order before.
Rusty: do you like my body? do you think i'm sexy?
Carmen: just your skinny ass.
Rusty: do you have any skeletons in my closet?
Carmen: yes, how did you know!? from all over the world so they can't be traced. we really shouldn't be drinking this week.

* Sheila: got her purse.
Gary: you're badass. can i eat her red lipstick? you can steal a woman's soul that way.
Sheila: don't want her psychic energy. i threw the stick out into the streetcurb gutter. not cruelty-free.

* Guild: what say you, Madame Councilman? dissolve?
Sheila: yes, dissolve, tv term. end credits...

* Sirena: hi there. two episodes left, one for each of my luscious bulbous rounded fat phatass asscheeks glistening from sweat dripping off their surface.