Doctor Who "Hell Bent" Episode Discussion

learned:

* no, no, Moffat, you must let your characters die and stay dead. death comes to us all, it's unavoidable. even for the Doctor. nobody actually has a time machine. Doctor Who was in fact cancelled before.

* the Doctor: i don't remember what she looked like but she looked just like you. except she had an ass.

* the Doctor: why do you have a British accent and work at an American diner?
Clara: got fired from my previous job as a British schoolteacher. teaching and waitressing, same thing: slinging hash.

* the President: wanna rassle.......on?

* the President: no women allowed here.
Ohila: no wonder this backward society went under.

* Gastron: hands up or i'll shoot.
the Doctor: we both know that never works.

* the soldiers fire at the Doctor, but miss.
the Doctor: i'm not a Time Lord, i'm a fucking ninja.

* the Doctor: get off my planet.
the President: where shall i go?
the Doctor: Earth. there'll be plenty of room. nobody wants to live on that planet anymore.

* before leaving on his ship, the President gets on the top step, turns around, and does the Nixon fingers.

* the Doctor shoots the General. the General regenerates into a black woman.
Clara: i thought you said you'd never kill!
the Doctor: i didn't kill him, i made him hotter.

* Dalek: exterminate me! take me off life support!
Weeping Angel: look at me! don't turn away! nobody looks at me anymore! i'm a person, too!
Cyberman: it's me, Danny!

* Ohila: why is the Doctor doing this? why did he do that whole insane billions-of-years-recurring-nightmare thing? what did he tell you?
Clara: the Doctor told me he did it............................because............................he really wanted to fuck me.

* Clara: love the new wheels. why is the TARDIS all white?
the Doctor: can't say without being racist.

* Ashildr: here we are, at the very end of the universe.
the Doctor: what happens after the end?
Ashildr: reruns.

* Ashildr: why are you always hanging around Earth?
the Doctor: it's the only planet that has life.

* Clara: so i'm the first Female Doctor! eat it, Helen Mirren! wanna be my Companion?
Ashildr: there's gonna be massive scissoring, huh?
Clara: yep.
Ashildr: okay. but i warn you: i can last a long time.

* the Doctor: stories are created when memories are forgotten.
Clara: my spinoff with Ashildr is gonna beat you in the ratings.

* the Doctor's TARDIS crashes into Clara's TARDIS. Doctor Who is cancelled again.