Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories "Butter"

learned:

* the brilliance lies in the conceit of Tim & Eric being sugary-sweet southern lesbians and the other characters don't bat an eyelash. it's taken at face value and no questions are asked. they blend seamlessly into the quaint country landscape.

* in other words, this is way more filmic than Bosom Buddies.

* Tim: the name of the Rhea Perlman character was Maureeen.
Eric: my DVR never subtitled a name for her. not even "woman".

* Eric: i was on Master of None.
Tim: i'm still more popular than you.

* this is the story of that other plot of desert land Walt Disney wanted to fill with his dreams...

* Mongo: why are we running, mama?
Belle: i'm taking you away from the bad man, honey. though it's unclear which situation is worse for you. you're fucked either way.

* the Butter Barn...it's not a club...

* we love helping kids........at the same time you have to get a little fiscally creative when all you sell is butter...

* not exploitative at all..............is it exploitative or exploitive?...........closed Sunday for desert-caravan Worship...

* Bonnie: not now, Mongo, mama's churning the butter.
Mongo: i never see you work.

* Mongo: you know, i know i'm from Mongolia, but you could have called me Jim.

* Mongo: i had a bad dream: i was on this show.
Tim & Eric: we had a long talk with your mom, kid. she's a toots. i know. i know. this is weird. just say your lines and get paid, that's how you survive Hollywood.

* Belle: that's not how you churn butter!
Mongo: but today's special is chunky butter.
Belle: oh. i never get the damn memo. *clapping loud* come on, Mei-Ling!
Mei-Ling: please, just send me back to my mother. she lives in Reseda.

* man and other man in black caravan: *flashing their badges* Scully. Mulder.
Belle & Bonnie: you betta get betta next year, X Files. progressive is the first step. that miniseries-cliffhanger trick was bullshit.

* Belle: *clapping happy* oh and you look like Jackson Browne, too!

* Jackson: what's you name, partner?
Juan Carlos: Nadal.
Jackson: when i say partner i really mean it. you are literally my meal ticket.
Juan Carlos: can i get a meal now?

* Belle: we're his mamas, we're overprotective.
Jackson: ain't that goddang not interesting. say hello, Buck.
Buck: hello, ladies. i'm attracted to you. and i know you're not ladies.

* Jackson: i made a killing in Silicon Valley and got bored. there is nothing worse than being bored.
Bonnie: you're doing Satan's work, sir.
Belle: the rich are evil.
Jackson: i'm like that collector from Star Trek: The Next Generation who had to have one of every endangered species.
Belle: i look at Star Trek: Discovery and weep buckets for the next generation.

* Bonnie: Magabishu...
Belle: can't say maga

* Jackson: we've had a hard time locating kid actors from Mongolia willing to come on this show...

* Bonnie: his parents were Sherpas.
Belle: they never made it to the top of Everest. they were almost there but then mysteriously disappeared. we took the credit when we made it second.

* Jackson: put on these VR headsets, they'll explain everything.
Jackson waits for them to put on the headsets then slowly walks out the door holding Mongo's hand.
Bonnie: like a drunk daisy!
Belle: it's like a Tool video!

* Jackson: it's all on the up-and-up. you'll be my recruiter. like college basketball.

* Buck: you like how i snap my bills? no i don't actually want the butter.

* Belle: where are you?
Bonnie: right here.
Belle: let me stick this vibrator in your vag.
Bonnie: that's not a vibrator, that's the butter-churning pole!

* Bonnie: isn't Dmitri the sweetest and your real favorite boy?
Belle: not if he's Russian. this is the South!

* Belle: i can't see the ipad. too much glare.
Jackson: this was filmed before Kindle but after all the Samsung explosions.

* Belle: with my finger?
Buck: like voting in a third-world country.

* Belle: remember his favorite chicken nuggets.
Mongo: i was vegan this whole time. burn rubber, rich stranger man!

* Bonnie: careful with that butter candle. it melts.
Belle: i'm cutting butter with a butter knife i'm so mad and distracted.

* Belle: you just do what you gon do.
Bonnie: where are you?
Belle: right here.
Bonnie: what are you doing?
Tim: going for my first Dramatic Emmy nomination. i just want to see if i can do this.
Eric: you're a good actor.

* Bonnie: my goodness look at this mansion view!
Belle: this officially has turned into a Tennessee Williams play.
Bonnie: too Spanish for my tastes. but i do love the shrubbery.

* Jackson: sorry for the delay, ladies, takes time to dip children in wax.
Belle & Bonnie: we want to be your ex-wives with custody.

* Belle: what's that sound?
Jackson: the children laughing and playing their video games with the ominous music.

* Jackson: this is Chun. she is what keeps the Chinese government off my back.

* Buck: i stuffed Mongo with cotton.
Belle & Bonnie: like a rightly southern gentleman. now if you'll excuse us this is too horrifying and we're gonna faint from the shock. like fragile-glass southern belles.

* Bonnie: what's wrong with you?
Belle: the vapors. you like it when i call you bitch?
Eric: in real life?

* Belle: *running frantically* don't look back, Mongo, keep running! what's that bright light tailing us?
Mongo: the spotlight on the set.

* Belle: who wants to play Pictionary?!!
Juan Carlos: i said no, pendejo! i told you i want to crayon!

* Bonnie: watch it with that butter paint. it crackles the skin.
Mongo: in all honesty i liked the cotton more.

* best representation of a loving couple on tv this year. 30 minutes. waiting on the feature film. it'll be like if Rod Serling wrote Billion Dollar Movie...

Justice League Action "Forget Me Not"

learned:

* the best flower

* this episode was pure fluff, having no bearing on the main storyline, but it was also the most purely entertaining episode of the series thus far.

* wait, i just realized, does this show even have an arc? it's a comedy!

* Firestorm: my excuse is i started a forest fire.
Professor: you're smoking again, Ronald?

* Firestorm: wow. this place is like Disneyland on a Wednesday.

* Prof: all their comm-links are offline.
Ronald: orgy?

* Firestorm: Clark Kent is Superman? maybe if he wore sunglasses i'd have noticed.

* Firestorm: you don't have to wash this window i phased into ever again. baseball and a tractor, what are you, simple?

* Professor: now i know something's wrong.
Firestorm: goofy mug.
Professor: mild-mannered people never announce that they're mild-mannered.
Firestorm: yep yep, only sociopaths do.

* cheapskates still can't afford a Lois voice. i wonder what Arleen Sorkin is doing right now.

* Firestorm: i got this Japanese idol at a con. in Kansas.

* Firestorm: i'm not gay but i need to look at your barrel chest.
Superman: i got a steel plate in there.
Firestorm: you sure do.
Superman: from my heart operation.

* OMG, it's true. revelation. revelation. all this time, all this time, the costumes of all your favorite superheroes were soaked...

* Superman: thanks for the mirror. i see now. i'm a vampire.

* Firestorm: Clark, i'm gonna drop you now. if you live, we're still on Cartoon Network. if you die, we move to HBO.

* Bruce Wayne: and you are?...
Wonder Woman: not interested.
Bruce Wayne: but i have money.
Wonder Woman: Superman's cuter.
Bruce Wayne: we look exactly the same!

* Superman: this is a phone? i can use this instead of a typewriter?

* Superman: i'll prove it to you. watch me Wile E. Coyote this water.

* Firestorm: hold on, let me blast you with my lasers.
Trinity: you're gonna kill us?
Superman: either my penis is small or i'm just big.
Wonder Woman: who designed my costume? a perv?
Batman: capes have always been hazards. if i trip i'm calling my lawyer.
Firestorm: who's your lawyer?
Batman: aren't i a lawyer?

* Batman: i am Batman.
Firestorm: rasp lower with your voice.
Batman: kid, i'm Kevin Fucking Conroy. you played a fat kid on Nickelodeon.

* reporter: he shoulda went to Jared.

* Felix Faust: how do i not fall off this scooter? its a good thing my muumuu doesn't have a cape.

* Felix Faust: tuna?
stone golem: marbled rye.
Felix: nice one.
stone golem: AND HIS NAME IS.................................STONE COLD.......
Felix: close enough.

* Felix: if anyone asks, i'm the Burger King. without sponsorship there's no hope for Season 2.
stone golem: stop spitting on me.

* Felix: the finest Tibetan robes in all the lettuce...

* Firestorm: are you thirsty? cos i got the punch! i got that from Nickelodeon.

* Batman: i don't actually do anything. yet i'm wildly popular. i'm Seinfeld.

* Batman: i've always wanted a boomerang. aw, it didn't come back.

* Felix: sandwiches are no laughing matter. millions starve to death. food is more valuable than gold. seriously.

* Firestorm: sands of Set?
Felix: i play a lot of video games.

* Felix: oh, i get it, you are of two minds.
Prof: one sane mind.
Ronald: yeah but you have no body. how are you able to talk with no heart blood?

* Wonder Woman: what's wrong, Batman?
Batman: looking for my keys.

* Wonder Woman: i can throw cars. but i'm keeping this Porsche.

* Professor: i'm a vampire?
Firestorm: we're all vampires in this cruel, dog-eat-dog world.

Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories "Squat"

learned:

* i hate having to do the second one first. is your xfinity box like that, too?

* we all have eyebrow mites.

* she isn't real. there are no women on the internet.

* Forrest: the plastic bag says HAVE A NICE DAY. irony.

* Forrest literally eats salad the way i do. with those embarrassing slivers of plastic cups of sauce.

* and the plastic spork everyone tosses in the trash cos it's too light to hold anything

* hot female jogger in spandex: didn't anyone ever tell you to eat with your mouth closed?
Forrest: everyone has mothers but not everyone has a mother. so that's why i can't get a date.

* Forrest: i do IT at the business park of serviced offices over there.
woman: Tinder tip: no woman cares about what a stranger does.

* woman: see ya.
Forrest: you're not gonna see me ever again.
woman: actually i am.

* Tim: hi. tonight's episode brings up a real serious issue facing our society today. i still feel bad that i got rid of that hatemonger Sam Hyde. well there's a microscopic twinge of guilt in me anyway. i'm glad Cartoon Network is rid of that filth but i still am for free artistic expression. so therefore i wrote this bitchy woman character for you guys to hate. have at it, you lame weakwilled impotent MDEers.

* Forrest: i was gonna check out your gym anyway, you don't have to be rude. i was thinking of bettering myself just now.

* computer: you're 70 pounds overweight.
Forrest: how do you know this isn't my ideal natural weight?
computer: the world runs on money, not compassion.
Forrest: it's hard to go without. the food makes up for all that i go without. like love and stuff.

* Forrest: credit cards are scams, huh?
computer: of course. pretty easy one. didn't your mother ever tell you you were more than a number, you were a flesh-and-blood person?

* computer: you have your choice of trainer. but you must choose Eric.

* Forrest: i need someone to remove this fatsuit from my belly.

* Trent: this is like those Peloton commercials but with less snooty glass mansions, feel me, brah?
Forrest: what's the tube for?
Trent: glass microphone. sing into it. with your penis. welcome to the revamped American Idol!

* Trent: low-quality ham...
Forrest: i had a pierogi.

* Trent: it's called trick squat for a reason.
Forrest: can Dude Perfect come in here and do this?
Trent: no that's typosquatting. that's how adult swim survives with no business model.

* Forrest: THE SPIKE!
Trent: you knew PEDs would be involved, we told you upfront.
Forrest: you tortured me in there!
Trent: sure, yes, but at least you had sex of a sort.

* Pierogi Jones: mozzarella is Italian for lice.

* Forrest: what do you serve here?
Pierogi Jones: Italian lice.
Forrest: i love Italian ice.

* black guy: what proof do you have that you're really alive?
Forrest: i would never choose to do this.

* Forrest: so emotions are just glitches in the system? then i better yell more and not be so mild-mannered so they hear me.

* the Hamiltonization of all art

* woman: your breath is very real.
Forrest: that's a compliment in this virtual world.

Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories "The Demotion"

learned:

* money problems. pray for us.

* Will Forte can't play calm, even if he tries to.

* suggestive clouds

* Will: i'm a mass murderer.
Dan: don't worry, those weren't real planes. CG. but the lives you took were real.
Will: why do you keep me around, boss?
Dan: only because i am able to resurrect those lives.

* Dan: you need a sleep therapist.
Will: WHAT THE FUCK
Dan: that's a strange overreaction.
Will: that's all i know how to act.
Dan: get some Zs.
Will: i hate pizza.

* Will: *on the toilet* *doorbell rings* shit. i'm shitting.

* Will: i'm coming.
Jason: you will be.

* Jason: hi i'm Jason. i'm a Swede and thus disarming. you will do whatever i say.
Will: your soothing voice is what hypnotizes. clever.

* Will: don't shake my hand, i got shit on it.
Jason: we all do, my friend. doo on our hands. we are human. Ikea means poo in Swedish.

* Will: is it gonna make that black noise all night?
Jason: hoboy. you've got a lot of problems, my brother.

* Dana: are you okay? are you getting enough sleep?
Will: what are you, my mother!? just get me that glass sugar dispenser for me to drink, bitch!
Dana: no, we're done with the MDE apologists. just stick to the regular script.
Will: oh. sorry. can i say cropduster or is that a dog-whistle for vagina?
Dana: just to make super sure better not say cropduster.

* Jason: let me ask you, Willy, do you have any sexual frustrations?
Will: i'm on adult swim what do you think? masturbation is annoying for me.
Jason: any illegal office romances?
Will: Dana. she's cute. but she's out of my league.
Jason: don't sell yourself short, my friend.
Will: but she's Jack Bauer's daughter.

* Jason: if you were choking on food, would you refuse the Heimlich?
Will: but in this case you're offering to do the choking.

* Will: Tim, timeout, Tim. this is Will. not Will from the script, the real Will Forte the living, breathing actor. hi. remember we rehearsed this? we said you wouldn't actually make me cum...

* Will: where'd you get the mask?
Jason: mask?

* Will: 5-Hour Energy is our sponsor?
Dana: i thought it was It. these episodes should have aired in the Halloween month.

* Dana: maybe you should find another expensive therapist?
Will: like who? Eric?
Dana: i hear he's insane. but he's free.

* Will: what are you? right-wing nutjob? furry?
Eric: nuzzle that trash, boy.
Will: you hate doing your chores?

* Dana: i got a thing for the pirate look. most girls don't but i do.

* Will: so no more big boys with my one eye?
Dan: find another way to ask me that.

* Dana: would you mind slipping into this pegleg before we make love?
Will: i already have a silver tooth, what more do you want, woman?

Power Rangers Ninja Steel "The Royal Rumble"

learned:

* Monty: um, Green Ranger, sorry i mean Princess Viera, what's your name?
Ruby Love: Ruby Love.
Monty: Ruby Love? so the porn rumors are correct.

* previously on Power Rangers.....make sure those suits get steam-cleaned, we don't know where they've been......

* Drillion: can i hit a woman on a kid's show?
Madame Odius: i'm not a woman, i'm a babe. you're thinking of that other show filmed here.

* Madame Odius: i'll help you destroy the Rangers quicker!
Drillion: how do i know i can trust you?
Madame Odius: think of me not as a woman but as your dealer.

* Monty: is this episode the performance-enhancing-drugs lesson?
Victor: no this is just some silly gem which makes stones weightless. think about our jobs, Monty.
Monty: what do you mean?
Victor: we do this. we wake up each morning and we perform these stupid characters. this is what we do.

* Mick: i'm a serious Shakespearean actor. i do not belong on this set for multiple reasons.

* Viera: sex slaves?
Mick: no, but slaves are slaves.
Viera: when did this show get dark?
Chip Lynn: i couldn't take it anymore.

* Victor: can i use the anti-grav crystal to lift up Sarah's skirt?
Monty: women don't wear skirts anymore. Sarah wears skateboard pants.
Victor: drat! that's the price of progress for ya.

* Mick: hey who's been sniffing up all my secret stash?

* Redbot: do you still think of me?
Hayley: no.
Redbot: i'm the real Calvin. your Calvin is a robot.

* Victor: my Monty, my Monty, my kingdom for a Monty!
Monty: married couples do the wheelbarrow race. jus sayin'

* Victor: did you get a flyer?
Sarah: no.
Victor: you're lucky this is a kid's show. all i want to do is impress you, Sarah. what can i do?
Sarah: beat me in a hoverboard race.
Victor: that's a future episode, gotta be.

* Mick: and this is how you make my mama's famous old-fashioned red sauce. my mom drowned in lava on the Lion Galaxy, that's what i was told as a kid, so that's what the red sauce commemorates.

* Dude Perfect is on Nickelodeon. Dude Perfect was the last family-friendly thing on youtube...

* Ruby Love: when that star came out and branded me i got bad flashbacks...

* Princess Viera: so i'm a ninja now?
Mick: previous season, we did that already. can you teach me how to cum?

* Rangers: *singing* I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain never break the chain...

* Rangers: that was an extra-explodey explosion. should we get Michael Bay to direct the next movie?
Drillion: sure. the franchise is already a flop.

* Viera: you've got a strong arm.
Mick: pitched minor-leagues for the Yankees.
Viera: a lot of Australian athletes play professional and college American sports for some reason.
Mick: New Zealand.
Viera: same thing.
Mick: it's the only way to leave the island. i was the only Australian actor in history to ever flunk my Neighbours audition.

* Sarah: i'm worried about you, Brody, you have too much power!
Brody: i feel the Voltron electricity flowing within me! I AM THE REINCARNATION OF SVEN!!!
Sarah: not cool, dude. don't play with people's emotions like that. when do we get together?
Brody: Chip said it's gonna be a Super ship.

* Viera: Mick i have a surprise for you. a video link to your folks.
Mick: you had this the whole time and you were holding out on me, bitch? i should pimpslap your ass...
Sarah and Hayley hold Mick back.
Mick: sorry, some of my Shakepeare leaked out.

* Mick: these are my real parents.
mom and dad: of course we are. how do you think you got the part?
Mick: there are flying cars where you are? we don't have flying cars.

* mom and dad: are you coming home?
Mick: of course i'm coming home! fuck the Power Rangers!

* mom: oh Micklepoo...
Mick: way to ruin it as always, ma! wait, is that a space shuttle i see zooming past in the background? we don't have space exploration anymore, NASA went bankrupt to build a wall.

* Mick: can i give you a hug?
Ruby Love: no touching of the talent.
Mick: this L sign is Lion Galaxy, not loser.

* Mick: will Victor break the weightlifting record? we shall all soon clap and see!
Principal: get back to work, janitor, this isn't for you.

* Victor coughs on the white powder he claps.

* student: hi, i'm the black girl on the show.

Justice League Action "The Ringer"

learned:

* Sinestro: prudence has never been your strong suit.
Green Lantern: who likes prunes?

* Wonder Woman: Justice One here. why didn't we take my invisible jet?
Superman: it looks weird driving around in that thing.

* Sinestro: what you got, Jordan bum?
Green Lantern: abs so good you could wash your clothes on them.
Wonder Woman: that's true. they are. i've washed my star panties on them.

* Wonder Woman: Voltron Force! because i'm a woman i have to cross my arms like this or i won't be taken seriously.

* Wonder Woman: is this the gas pedal? nice mace, Sinestro, do you keep yours in your purse, too?

* Atom: here's your drugs, GL...
Green Lantern: ...
Atom: why doesn't Sinestro need a lamp?
Green Lantern: he freebases.

* Atom: just let me get inside him.
Green Lantern: that sounds not quite right.

* Atom: my safe place. *attaches pin*

* Wonder Woman points at Atom's tighty whities and laughs.
Atom: i'm not small like that! i just took a meteor shower!

* Atom: damn you, Sinestro, taking advantage of my love for Paranoia Agent like that.

* Atom: this memory hurts more. my own dog didn't recognize me.

* Sinestro: you had a treehouse? if i had a treehouse as a kid i wouldn't have turned evil.

* Atom: Old Man Frank Miller...
Puddles the dog: Frank Miller is old...
Atom: you can talk, Puddles?
Puddles: i can sing, too. *sings "Rocket Man"*
Atom: that's a silo.

* Atom: here, boy, catch!
Sinestro: never played catch as a kid...

* Green Lantern: what's going on, bud?
Atom: i've never gone this small. sub sub sub-atomic. it looks like those drugs you're so fond of.
Green Lantern: relax, man, it's just a trip. you need to calm yourself. you know yoga?
Atom: only the smell of yoga pants.

* GL: that's Despotellis! that's sick!
Atom: you just made that up right now. or you looked it up.
GL: you're sick!
Atom: i know, i have this despot virus in me.

* Atom: he's squishing me like a bug!
GL: why didn't you Gigantify?

* Sinestro: i will now use my secret weapon:...............EASTERN RELIGION!

* Atom: you need to lay down for a bit?
Despotellis: it's lie.
Atom: liar!

* Atom: feels like i got hit by a train. i need a Trane to lay down.
Wonder Woman: i know some girls.
Atom: Trane mattress. i'm married. i think.

* Atom: it was nightmarish in there. my worst fear came true. there was this excellent Green Lantern cartoon i used to watch every Saturday morn that was cancelled by Cartoon Network.
GL: why do you think i burn?

* Atom: mind shooting me some oxygen in space?
GL: i only breathe pot smoke. we're in space?

* GL: looks like a shroom.
Wonder Woman: looks like the crabs i got last week.
Superman looks away.

Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories "Angel Man"

learned:

* can you believe it's been 3 years?

* he's not gonna jump, that would be too easy.

* when i said i was going to a place with four walls and men in white robes, i didn't mean the monastery.

* screams of joy

* Dr. Quan: there is no hope for you.
Dimmler: Dr. Con? you just want to keep me walled-up in here. my misery pays your bills.
Dr. Quan: hey i didn't vote for Trumpcare.

* but that would be DIME-ler

* Dr. Quan: this is the choice all men must make: would you rather keep your troubled emotions or become an emotionless, humanless blank-eyed shell?
Eric: i just want to keep my odd sense of humor.

* the thing is, these kinds of lifetime state-run institutions which perform lobotomies don't actually exist anymore.

* Isaiah: you ain't a bad person, Mr. Dimmler, you just got a one-track mind. like me for Nurse Ratched.
Dimmler: i'm just a man. this is The Handmanservant's Tale.
Isaiah: don't ask me, i'm just the butler. you ain't a bad person, just got bad brains. and i'm not saying that cos they're the only black metal band.

* Dimmler: is this running water supposed to calm me or make me go pee?

* Dimmler: whatcha got in the brown bag, black man?
Isaiah: it ain't a 40 or McDonald's. go see your boy for the last time. all this Scotty business is bullshit.
Dimmler: scotch-tape my brains together after they scoop them, woulda Isaiah?
Isaiah: i don't frequent these type of clubs. my cousin got me this mini-flyer.

* Isaiah: in this bag is a change of clothes, a hunting knife, and a getaway car. you stick Tough Tommy the night guard's fat tummy like this, pfft!
Dimmler: Tough Tommy is Nurse Ratched's husband isn't he?
Isaiah: YEAH, SO!!! no, he's my night-guard for my teeth when i sleep.

* Jack: a little intro lights and...
Scotty: fine, Mr. Nicholson. but i got new songs...
Jack: nobody goes to the Smashing Squashes to hear "Being Beige".

* Jack: it was supposed to be Dog's Cabaret. the painter was nervous. everyone has frayed nerves these days. wanna diaper?
Dimmler: and i'm supposed to be the crazy one.
Jack: spray bottle?
Dimmler: what kind of show is this?
Jack: a dog-and-pony one.

* Scotty: remember, the music doesn't matter. just my affect.
patron: sing the low notes!
Dimmler: sing the high notes!
Jack: sing at all!

* Scotty: my low notes cause you to loosen your bowels to such an extent that you will never go poo again. fiber is a government scam!

* Dimmler: gotta keep my boy dry. only spray him if that's hair spray.

* hippie patron: make me brown, baby!
Dimmler: damn hippies.

* Dimmler: that's a coincidence that you happen to be here. are you a patron here?
Isaiah: you have a destiny, Mr. Dimmler.
Dimmler: are you that black guy from Lost? just give me the lobot.
Isaiah: that ridiculous Star Wars villain with the metal Leia buns?

* Scotty: thank you for choosing the Champagne Room love is a government lie how may i help you?
Dimmler: it's the Red Room.
Scotty: i thought they put you away.
Dimmler: they can't take away my dreams!........................y'know i just realized this would make for a dynamite modern noir. us meeting at a smoky red-lit strip club and i don't want you seeing other men so i scoop you away from here and try to buy your permanent love.
Scotty: yeah.

* Scotty: my new experimental stuff?
Dimmler: i go to Radiohead concerts hoping to hear "A Wolf at the Door".

* Dimmler: i'll hit you three times with my high beams.
Scotty: where are your tits? you have no tits.

* Dimmler: some are obsessed with illegal hockey gambling rings, some join Al Qaeda, no biggie.
Scotty: Al Qaeda?
Dimmler: i'm a late bloomer.
Scotty: wanna go back to my place?
Dimmler: i can't enter any room or i start to feel locked-up again.

* Dimmler: girlfriend? that's the most disturbing part.
Scotty: like my new sound, Mr. Dimmler?
Dimmler: this is fruitless. even i wouldn't go to a Radiohead concert hoping to hear "Burn the Witch".

* Dimmler: *driving* your new music sucks, Scotty!..........sorry, i know this is serious, but i cracked myself up there.

* Scotty: do it.
Isaiah: do it.
Dimmler: but if i jump there won't be an "Angel Grandpa".
Isaiah: yeah don't do it. Tim's a millionaire but personally i need there to be a third.

* the banality of suicide...